Psychologist Madeline Levine, Ph.D., will be speaking in Pleasanton on Oct. 20 about her latest book, “The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.”
Besides having raised three sons, Levine has had more than 25 years of experience as a psychologist in Marin County, focusing her practice mainly on adolescents. She has done extensive research for her book, which includes the following, startling assertion:
“America’s newly identified at-risk group is preteens and teens from affluent, well-educated families. In spite of their economic and social advantages, they experience among the highest rates of depression, substance abuse, anxiety disorders, somatic complaints, and unhappiness of any group of children in this country.”
An assertion like that would seem to resonate in Pleasanton, since statistics from U.S. Census Bureau list the city as having the highest median household income ($101,000/year) for all mid-sized cities across the nation (populations of 65,000-250,000). However, the issue is more complex than household income.
“Money is not the culprit,” wrote Levine. “It is the culture of affluence-ña culture that embraces materialism, that values performance over learning and external motivation over internal motivation, that overemphasizes competitiveness and offers a dearth of opportunities to see adults behave with compassion and integrityñ-that is sickening our children.”
Two critical factors Levine identifies are “achievement pressure” and “isolation from parents.”
“Kids are bombarded with messages about the importance of high performance at school, at home and in the media,” said Levine. “What they really need is to be educated about the values of perseverance and perspective, and to understand that learning and performance are not always the same thing. They need to see that their parents value effort, curiosity and intellectual courage.”
As contradictory as it may seem, the same parents who pressure their teenagers to highest levels of accomplishment in multiple arenas may also be “missing,” physically or psychologically or both, from meaningful interaction with their children, she said.
“Eating together reinforces the idea that family members are interested, available, and concerned about each other,” noted Levine, who finds that many of her patients’ parents are more apt to be present at competitive sports events than at the dinner table.
Most of us probably know of parents who do their children’s homework instead of monitoring it, who heckle coaches and teachers to give their children unearned advantages or grades or who threaten to hire a lawyer should their child be accused of doing wrong. Levine said this type of intervention can be damaging.
“Parents who persistently fall on the side of intervening for their child, as opposed to supporting their child’s attempts to problem-solve, interfere with the most important task of childhood and adolescence: the development of a sense of self,” wrote Levine. “Affluent kids are so often protected from even the most minor disappointments and frustrations that they are unable to develop critical coping skills.”
As Levine points out, “We need to always deal with the child in front of us, not the child of our fantasies.”
Parents who fail to allow their children to see their own struggles set unrealistic expectations of perfection, of life with no set-backs or failures, she said.
“All of usñ-mothers, fathers, children, adolescents and young adults-ñyearn to be loved for who we are, not just for what we do,” concluded Levine. “Make certain that your children know every day how much they are loved, not for their grades, honors, or awards, but for their striving to be independent, capable, good and loving people.”
Free and open to the public, Levine’s talk will take place at 7:30 p.m. Oct. 20 at the 300-seat Lynnewood Church, 4444 Black Ave. (across from the aquatic center). No reservations are necessary. The event is being funded as a community service by Lynnewood Methodist Church, Towne Center Books, Kim Riseforph and the Mark Bailey Family. Copies of the 246-page book ($24.95) will be available at the event.
