When Bob Belichak changed careers nine years ago, he traded his neckties, sales quotas and long commute for diaper bags, baby bottles and strollers.
“I don’t miss it even a little,” Belichak said of his former job in sales. “This is way more gratifying.”
Today, he’s a full-time dad to Michael, 9, Laura, 7, and John, 4, and couldn’t be happier.
“I enjoy it. It suits us very well,” he said.
While countless books, articles and reports have long debated the merits of mothers working full time versus staying home with children, little is said about dads who take care of their children full time. A chief reason may be because they are such a minority.
Although the number of stay-at-home fathers has increased steadily over the past few years, it still is a non-traditional role in most of American society. The U.S. Census Bureau reported in March that of the estimated 5.8 million stay-at-home parents in the country in 2006, 5.6 million were mothers and 159,000 fathers. A previous report in 2004 had estimated the number of stay-at-home dads at 98,000.
Despite their minority status, the stay-home dads interviewed for this article said there seems to be little stigma attached anymore. They’re rarely called “Mr. Mom,” although people do assume initially that they are filling in for mom when they’re out running errands with the kids or volunteering in the classroom.
“I say, ‘No, this is my job all the time. Not only moms stay home with their kids,'” David Hanna explained.
In honor of Father’s Day this Sunday, here’s a look at four Pleasanton fathers who have chosen to stay home as the primary caregivers for their children.
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For Bob and Meg Belichak, the decision on who would stay home with the kids was easy. When their first son was born, Meg had a job as a physical therapist she loved and Bob had a sales job he was looking to leave. When they calculated how they could live on one salary, Bob was the one to quit his job.
“It seemed like a good idea. It was going to be temporary,” Belichak recalled. “I remember walking around with one baby at the time and I thought I was the busiest person in the world.”
As their family has grown, so have the demands of being home. Belichak does all of the cooking, yard work and handy work around the house, as well as much of the cleaning.
“I really enjoy cooking,” he said. “Other moms are jealous of my wife because I cook. Other dads say, ‘Oh, you’re so lucky,’ until they do it for a week while their wives are out of town.”
He and the kids ride their bikes to school every day and he chauffeurs them to their various after-school activities.
“I love being with the kids, and so does my wife,” he said, noting that his wife is able to schedule her own hours so that she also is available to volunteer in the kids’ classrooms, and attend their activities.
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Like many families, the arrival of their second baby and the subsequent juggling of two full-time jobs with the logistics of two daycare centers, commuting and work-related travel prompted Garry and Sue Bardakos to look for alternatives.
When they realized they could live on one salary, they also evaluated who would have a harder time re-entering the workforce after a prolonged absence. Sue works in the high tech industry and at the time, Garry was in warehouse distribution management.
“In high tech, it’s very hard to go back after being out for a couple of years. Garry could go back to his job (after a few years) and not miss a step,” Sue Bardakos explained.
So, Garry was on deck as the stay-at-home parent for Nicole, who is now 12, and Alyssa, who is now 7.
Like the Belichaks, it was intended to be a short-term solution, but seven years later, it’s a lifestyle that continues to work well for them.
Now that the girls are older and he has more time, Bardakos works out at the health club daily, does all of the yard work, home maintenance and much of the laundry, shopping and cooking. He’s also done extensive remodeling on their home and is now planning an addition.
“When you have someone at home who is really handy, it’s great,” said Sue Bardakos, who works from a home office. “He doesn’t do a ton of cooking, but our yards are impeccable. We play off of his strengths.”
Garry Bardakos also volunteers in his daughters’ classrooms and is a long-time soccer and softball coach for both girls.
He gets an occasional “Mr. Mom” comment, but what surprises him more are the number of fathers who don’t think they could do it.
“I’ve been congratulated for having the fortitude to take it on,” Bardakos said, adding that he doesn’t consider it hard work at all.
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When David and Lisa Hanna were ready to begin their family, both were adamant that one parent should stay home. Because his wife had not only a higher income, but also greater earning potential, David Hanna became the primary caregiver for their daughters, Emily, 4, and Madeline, 2,
“My wife works in the marketing department in a Silicon Valley firm. I worked in restaurant management. We realized if we’re going to live in the Bay Area, she’s going to have to work full time,” David said.
He handles most of the family’s laundry, cooking and yard work, but spends much of his day playing with the girls. They read books, go on walks to the park and spend a lot of time playing outside. At times, it is a lot more work than he thought it would be, he admitted, and some days are definitely harder than others.
“Two is definitely a lot more work than one. I can’t imagine having three,” he said. “I’m having fun hanging out with the kids, playing.”
Staying home with the girls has given him a lot more respect for his mother, Hanna said, adding that his mother is proud of the work he’s doing. “For awhile, my father kept asking me when I was really going to go back to work.”
He recently returned to outside work part time and is now balancing staying home with the girls all day with managing a local restaurant several evenings a week.
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Economics also played a part in Peter and Michele Oross’ decision on who would stay home caring for their children, Micah, 13 and Katie, 11. And because Michele was earning more money in her job as a registered nurse and community college teacher, Peter became a stay-at-home dad when their son was born.
Michele Oross recalled that a co-worker once was asked how much her baby weighed at a certain age and when she couldn’t readily remember, the co-worker joked that she would have to call Peter to find out.
In a typical day, Peter Oross is up early making breakfast for the kids and packing their lunches. He and his daughters head off to school early because he supervises the playground before school.
Once school begins, he fits in a daily workout before returning by 11 a.m. to work on campus at Lydiksen Elementary School supervising the lunch break. After school, he supervises homework time while getting dinner started, although he and his wife share cooking responsibilities.
“The kids are older now so they can do a lot for themselves,” he said, recalling how much more work it was before the kids went to school.
A former Teamsters truck driver, Oross said he occasionally misses having a full-time career.
“I don’t think my kids think any differently of me. I have a lot of time to give them. When I meet older people and they find out what I’m doing, they say I’m doing the most wonderful thing in the world,” Oross said. “There really is no greater thing in the world. Even if you had a hundred million dollars, there is nothing more rewarding.”
