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Parenting Competing Daughters: Smart or Spoiling

Original post made by Smart or Spoiling, Amador Valley High School, on Feb 6, 2010

Time again for me to reach out to the straight shooters of the PWeekly community for advice:

I have two daughters one year apart in age 13/14.

They fight and argue constantly, much competition of older trying to put down the younger. Younger is now fully able to defend and plays offense as well. Getting in a car with them is like getting in a cage with cats and dogs. yes we know they will be best friends in 10 years.

Question: should we send one to foothill and one to amador instead of both to same school. Is this spoiling or rather allowing each to thrive without constant drag of the other belittling their plans, friends, grades, appearance etc.

Thank you in advance for your unedited and unsensored advice!

Comments (5)

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Posted by Cholo
a resident of Livermore
on Feb 6, 2010 at 10:24 am

take a parenting class...problem solved

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Posted by Sandy
a resident of Mohr Park
on Feb 6, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Have you talked with your daughters' middle school teachers, or the counselor? They have probably encountered similar situations in the past.

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Posted by Pleasanton Parent
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 6, 2010 at 2:01 pm

No. Putting them in different schools will further the divide.

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Posted by Jane
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 7, 2010 at 8:24 pm

When my kids were little they started putting each other down (well, the older towards the younger) and I was confused. When I was growing up we kids were allowed to put each other down. I wondered whether this was normal sibling behavior, or I should not allow it. I decided to not allow it. I'm really glad I did. That doesn't mean that I was able to eliminate it entirely, but it's not a constant.
Relatives of mine tolerate a great deal of sibling verbal abuse, and it's really depressing to drive in the car with their kids, where I can't escape it. When I drive them, and their parents aren't there, I don't allow it. I think the kids are impressed that I don't let their siblings abuse them. I think they appreciate having a protector. My nieces and nephews are so used to insulting each other that they have difficulty recognizing that they even do it.

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Posted by Drew
a resident of Vintage Hills
on Feb 8, 2010 at 9:30 pm

As you can tell from my neighborhood, our girls were to go to Foothill from PMS, and yet Amador is so much closer - we chose Amador, for all of them! Same issues, send them to the same school. They'll get over it even sooner than you think. And, in their 20s and 30s they'll be drinking together, having tea together, sharing their lives together in every way - this situation will improve. Don't worry too very much.

Another Mom

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