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If ‘News’ Media were Animals

Original post made by Douglas Kendall, Downtown, on Oct 22, 2009

MATT DRUDGE -- Rabid Doberman Pincher, wearing a fedora, and often found playing poker in a smoky back room with Rush Limbaugh (large St. Bernard with small Swiss rescue barrel tied to his collar, full of emergency Viagrowl), with Sean Hannity (big, chocolate Labrador retriever with a dead duck dangling from his maw), with Bill O’Reilly (an Irish wolfhound flanked by several comely bitches), and Glenn Beck (vicious little Maltese -- in need of a trim) with Michael Savage (a miniature, beady-eyed dachshund) outside angrily scratching at the door trying to get in, but none of the others want him at the table (they claim that he cheats; but are in actual fact intimidated by his many pHd’s, his towering IQ -- all exacerbated by his being constantly high on ROCKSTAR -- a dachshund on energy drinks! Yikes!!).
FOX NEWS -- Composed completely of rare blued eyed, blond foxes, each claiming to have more college degrees than the next, each claiming to be a lawyer, each one an ex-girlfriend of Bill O’Reilly, and not a one a natural blond.
ABC/MSNBC/CBC/CNN -- Siamese cats, Siamese quadruplet cats fused together from birth at the head, actually sharing the same skull. But look! There is no brain in the skull. Unfortunately, this 20th century creature is slowing dying, though a feeding tube has been directly connect to the AP (Always Progressive) news service, which unfortunately lacks nutritional variety, requiring spoon feeding news stories from a jar of DRUDGE baby food.
REUTERS -- An international, metrosexual, big white news poodle from Europe obsessively chewing on a bone marked “U.S.A.” The bone cannot be chewed through.

by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl
Book burning news at-------------> Web Link
Email political opportunities to--->
:-) <-- Warning to the humor impailed.


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