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District reports no 'documented cases' of H1N1 in Pleasanton schools

Original post made by Douglas Kendall, Downtown, on Oct 20, 2009

Nevertheless, Pleasanton parents ARE STRONGLY URGED by local health officials to be on the lookout for any unusual symptoms exhibited by their children.

Here are the Top 10 symptoms:

1. Your teenagers are no longer just standing and staring into your refrigerator when bored, but now are aggressively rooting through it. And they keep finding all your truffles.
2. If you have wooden flooring, you begin hearing loud knocking sounds every morning when the kids get up until they put on their slippers.
3. The kids can’t roll up the toothpaste anymore; and demand new dental products: CREST TUSK WHITENER and 10,000 yards of the new GLIDE TUSK TAPE
4. Your teenage girls complain that now ALL their clothing makes them look fat, but they are strangely at peace with this now.
5. You come home and find dirty shovels all over the back patio, your garden is completely dug up, and your teenage son and his friends are lounging in the swimming pool overflowing with mud. Your son yells: “Don’t worry, Mom! I turned off the filter! Hey, can you go get us a trough of Gatorade??”
6. Your kids all win prize ribbons from the County Fair, and talent scouts start showing up from Hormel and Oscar Mayer. You get a personal call from Jimmy Dean himself inviting your daughter over for dinner.
7. You find your son chewing on dried dog ears while watching TV.
8. The kids begin arguing over who gets to take out the kitchen garbage.
9. Suspiciously, you no longer see your son taking the garbage cans down to the street every week, yet the cans are always empty. At the same time, the freezer in the garage has begun to smell funny.
10. The kitchen garbage disposal begins making odd crunching noises -- under the sink, you find all of your kids and their friends having a party.

by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl
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