2. Your fingernails and toenails grow wider and thicker and fuse completely together, and you’ve started using a hacksaw to trim them.
3. You finally feel okay with your urge to overeat.
4. For lunch, you skip the posh downtown pasta restaurant and drive straight for CLEM’S FEED & FARM SUPPLY – and order take out at their new, suddenly popular drive-through window – there’s a big line.
5. Needing new eating utensils, you go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, walk right past the fancy plates and cutlery, and spend the next 15 minutes ogling over their suddenly popular new vast selection of troughs – in a rainbow assortment of colors.
6. When you watch football now, you seem to feel pain whenever they kick the ball. As a matter of fact, you begin rooting for IT.
7. You go broke buying enough floss for your new tusks.
8. Your friends fight over who gets to take you to the mall to find the truffles at Godiva and See’s.
9. More often than not, you find your friends cleaning their 30-30 rifles around you with a somewhat hungry look in their eye.
10. You have no symptoms at all. But don’t worry – this is the ‘stealth’ form of Swine FLU, which is spreading the fastest...
by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl
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:-) <-- Warning: content possibly humorous