BERN, Switzzleland (infamous neutral haven for loose swizzle sticks) – The Swiss Ministry of Animal Control has rejected an appeal by Roamin Pantski to be released from his holding kennel pending his possible being taken for that Long Walk down the Aisle of No Return and extradition to that big catnap in the sky -- or wherever.
The Swiss Ministry quoted an urgent communiqué from Roamin’s 13-year-old victim in 1977, who is now 45, a grandmother of 15 (not AT 15.. OF 15), and has recently undergone a sex change operation and plastic surgery due to the unbearable worry of being once again approached by Roamin upon his possible extradition back to the United States, where she has lived in fear ever since his 1977 depredations upon herself, her stuffed teddy bear, the canary, and the gerbil.
Pantski claims to this day that he never did it, citing the gerbil, which he points out everyone knows is the ‘calling card’ of a famous Hollywood heart throb actor, and a sure sign that the perpetrator is none other than... O.J. Simpson
by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl
:-) <-- warning sign to the humor impaired