1. You feel tired and achy, with an irresistible urge to rest in a mud puddle in the hot sun.
2. You are turning pink.
3. Everyone now says that you’re really smart.
4. Someone ate your ribs for dinner.
5. Someone ate your bacon for breakfast – and complained it wasn’t crisp enough.
6. Your Jewish and Muslim friends now avoid you like ... the plague.
7. You watch Winnie the Pooh on Saturday morning and sympathize with Piglet.
8. You go to the clothing store and purchase eight bras at once.
9. You end your support for the farm subsidy program and join PETA.
10. You Google for pork recipes and your picture pops up.
11. Your pants are getting tighter and you discover a curly protuberance growing down there with an embarrassing tuft of fur on the end of it.