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We Need a "New Neighbors Good Manners" Handbook

Original post made by My opinion, Another Pleasanton neighborhood, on Feb 17, 2019

They moved in last week and did not bother to set up garbage pickup so they took ALL of their moving boxes and other trash and piled it up in the street in front of the house next door to them. Say what? Since that person pays for pickup the truck will take all of your trash? They left it out from Tuesday through Friday (over three inches of rain!) when the PD finally sent someone around to cite them. What planet did they come from?

They put up a basketball hoop backed up to my fence which means that my window will be broken any day now when the kid misses the backboard. Of course if the kid only bounced that infernal ball during daylight hours it would help but no, I get to hear the slam slam slam throughout the day AND evening.

And they cannot park any of their three cars in their driveway, it would prevent the kid from his incessant basketball thing. So instead of parking in front of THEIR house, they have managed to take every bit of space in front of the rest of us. Yes, I agree that no one owns the street parking. But they have a two car garage and a very long double wide driveway -- how about using some of it? Any of it? They park each car in such a way that only one can be in front of any house, rather than two. They have single handedly managed to use all six spaces for their three cars. Get a brain. Better yet, sell the house. Or learn some manners.

Maybe I should just pay someone to come steal that basketball hoop.

Comments (45)

29 people like this
Posted by JC
a resident of Vintage Hills
on Feb 17, 2019 at 7:31 pm

Maybe you should communicate directly with your neighbors instead of passive aggressively posting here.


34 people like this
Posted by Politeness Enforcement Agency
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 17, 2019 at 8:27 pm

We have dispatched our top agents to resolve this dispute. Until they arrive, please do not--repeat, DO NOT--attempt to engage the neighbor in friendly conversation, introduce yourself, explain your concerns, or do anything that might affirm your grown-up status and/or indicate that you have a rudimentary ability to partake in civil discourse.

Thank you for bringing this emergency to the Pleasanton Weekly Town Square Forum. You've come to the right place, citizen. Just sit back and enjoy a Schlitz Malt Liquor while we do the adulting for you.

Remember, when you're out of Schlitz, you're out of beer!


4 people like this
Posted by Pleasanton Parent
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 17, 2019 at 8:35 pm

Pleasanton Parent is a registered user.

Had neighbor issues as well, spoke to them directly and neighborly and it helped. Try it, might work.


18 people like this
Posted by My opinion
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 18, 2019 at 7:40 am

My opinion is a registered user.

Nearly everyone affected has tried speaking with them. It is followed by a blank stare and more of the same behavior. Imagine the manners that their kids are being taught. Entitlement is the word of the day here.

Emergency? No. But taking away the ability for someone to quietly enjoy their own home -- inside their home-- is only possible when people are blind to their actions or feel so entitled that they just don't care.

Welcome to the new neighborhood. Not.


6 people like this
Posted by Rob
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 18, 2019 at 12:05 pm

We have a short-term room renter on our street with a 4 bedroom house. A woman and her daughter live there, and there are always 3 extra tenants. The lots on our street are quite small, allowing room for only single-car parking between houses. So, her extra tenants are taking up 3 parking spaces in front of other peoples' houses. Agreed, no one owns the street, but this is just unacceptable. This neighborhood is for houses, not small hotels.

I think the city needs to put in place a new ordiinance to limit the amount of parking spaces per house. I am glad to be rid of our ridiculous and worthless HOA, but at least it would've helped in this situation. Speaking of HOA, I might mention last year they painted their house baby-poop brown. Before they moved in, it was a nice looking house; now it's the ugliest house on the street.


4 people like this
Posted by Tom & Ken
a resident of Country Fair
on Feb 18, 2019 at 2:33 pm

This is a very touchy and sensitive area to comment about, and we all have opinions especially home owners who might live in that particular home and living in the neighborhood. We all want a good neighbor who takes great care of the property and values the privilege of being able to own what we invest our money in real estate.

When a home owner rents that house that idea flies out the window, the quicker you rent it out and the more money you get for rent the better off you are. They no longer care of the good neighbor you had a friendship with when they lived there. Caring is good but too much care can bite you on the rear. There has to be a happy medium with the owner, the Realtor and the buyer to insure that the neighborhood is considered in a respectful
and peaceful way. Not just a way of getting a big commission, tripling your investment and the hell with the neighborhood! I'm not a goodie two shoes but a neighborhood deserves a good owner who values their investment, a renter who takes pride in being in a nice comfortable home and taking care of the property, and having good respectable neighbors in the area they decide to settle in. I don't think I'm asking too much, but there again some of you might disagree with my way of caring. I don't live like a dog, there for I don't want to be treated like a dog and I don't want to live next to a person who doesn't give a damn how they treat their neighbors either. I treat people the way I want to be treated, I respect all people and I expect to be treated with the same respect. Its what you make of it.









7 people like this
Posted by no respect
a resident of another community
on Feb 18, 2019 at 3:12 pm

@ Birdland Rob -- I don't know about the regulations in Alameda County but you can be sure that this person taking short term rents is not licensed or paying any tax on the income. You could check with the city and the county to see if a business license is required and in place. If not, Pleasanton code enforcement might be able to get involved.

Short term and Air B&B rentals have become such a problem in Hawaii that any new ones are now illegal. The only way have one is to already be permitted and to prove that you have paid all transient and income taxes from the beginning. Fines for illegal short term rentals can be as much as $100 per day. Abuse of the neighbors is the incentive for that law to have been passed. It should happen here too. Maybe right in your own neighborhood, it's worth a try.


12 people like this
Posted by Reality Bites
a resident of Del Prado
on Feb 18, 2019 at 4:01 pm

Reality Bites is a registered user.

This is an example of a collision of cultures. Ten to 20 years ago, new comers to Pleasanton were looking for the small town feel, but also for access to the Bay Area. They were looking for a quieter town with a strong sense of community. We socialized with our neighbors, we helped each other out, and our children played together. We volunteered at our kid's schools and we volunteered in our city to make it even better than it was.

It appears in the last 5 years, new comers to Pleasanton are locating here for one primary purpose, to get access to the exceptional schools. The volunteer participation has fallen off at the elementary school level to the point where many field trips and other activities are being cancelled. Neighbors do not socialize any longer. We see many of our new neighbors come home, go in their garage, close the door and not come out. We go knock on doors and try to engage new neighbors but there is very little, if any, reciprocation. The sense of community seems to be fading, which is sad for such a great town like Pleasanton.


10 people like this
Posted by Aveline
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 18, 2019 at 6:52 pm

Aveline is a registered user.

Why do people immediately jump to blaming the considerate people and shaming them on talking to their neighbor. I say if they left a big pile of trash on the street for days which is totally out of line, they are not going to respond well to a neighborly chat. In fact, I would not want to have much interaction unless necessary although I’d be pleasant. Why does everyone make excuses for bad behavior and expect everyone else to explain the obvious and run the risk of getting the cold response or finger.
Btw, my neighbor regularly lets his dog crap on my lawn. Somethings are universal and people know better.


8 people like this
Posted by David
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 18, 2019 at 7:10 pm

David is a registered user.

Ill go along with a good neighborhood handbook only if a companion booklet is issued for considerate driving. Here is my un-PC comments...
America has long been a car culture. Many recent immigrants come from countries where driving rules are very different like no lanes, massive roundabouts, etc. I’ve driven all around the world and this is fact. The DMV needs to add to the driving test roadway courtesy and other basics like to how to merge orderly, not stopping ever in a moving lane, you can turn right on a red signal unless posted otherwise, and observing the passing lane. Or my absolute favorite, not stopping 10-15 feet back from a signalized crosswalk. With all the increased congestion, we need to keep traffic flowing smoothly and avoid more accidents.


8 people like this
Posted by Wow
a resident of Bridle Creek
on Feb 19, 2019 at 6:49 am

Want to solve a lot of the housing problems. Allow only us citizens to buy us real estate. Prices come down. Rents come down. Less selfish neighbors who have skin in the game because now they can afford it. Or we can keep giving America away to everyone else in the world and soon you will have no America.


Like this comment
Posted by Michael Austin
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 19, 2019 at 6:58 am

All those who complain about traffic congestion are an equal participant and contributor to the traffic congestion!


16 people like this
Posted by talking doesn't always work
a resident of Downtown
on Feb 19, 2019 at 8:00 am

Years ago I tried having a friendly chat about a dog that was allowed in a non-permitted rental unit where it howled for the entire night while the tenant worked graveyard shift. My tires got spiked and my house vandalized. Yup, talking really worked, right?

So I followed up with the PD and the FD and eventually got the illegal structure red tagged and forced to be brought up to code, an expense of over $300K. Renter now had no place to live, my house and cars were left alone and we had peace throughout the neighborhood.

It is naive to think that someone who is blatantly in your face about common courtesy or even outright illegal actions will be agreeable to a friendly conversation. Talk at your own peril, sometimes taking legal action is the only way to substantiate the issue and protect yourself. Notice that I said "legal action". I am not advocating any attempt to get back at them with an eye for an eye type of retribution. It's back to the entitlement culture, some people just have no cares about how they treat others because they feel entitled to do whatever they want. A friendly chat will be worse than a waste of time with those types. They now consider you the identified enemy because you stepped forward to try to work it out.


15 people like this
Posted by K.
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 19, 2019 at 9:58 am

I've lived here for almost 50 yrs. I had a neighbor who moved in and proceeded to work on his high performance sports car, with exhaust disconnected, until 10 or 11 at night. When he ran the car my entire family room shook.

When I tried to talk him about it, he threatened to kill my dog and tried to physically attack me. I reported him to the police so there was a record of the incident, just in case it happened again. I also went to Walmart (Sorry Matt Sullivan) and bought a Louisville Slugger to keep in my entrance way closet in case the guy ever came to my door.

I learned my lesson. If I have issues with my neighbors, except the ones I have known for 20+ years, I go to the police. Interesting, the neighbors Ive know all these years treat the neighborhood with respect so there are no issues.

Seems people now think they have the right to do whatever they want, without thinking of the impact to those around them.

This goes for my case, the complaints above about drivers, etc.

Most people seem to be so busy they just don't care.


10 people like this
Posted by Bill
a resident of Pleasanton Heights
on Feb 19, 2019 at 10:05 am

I've been here for about 35 years. It's really not that different now. There were quite a few jerks around town then, just like now. But people's memories have a way of remembering the good and forgetting the bad. None of the bad behavior I read above is anything new in town. But someone will always pipe up with "What happened to our lovely town?" Stop and think. Other than more traffic and better food, it's pretty much the same place. Same people. Overall, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather live.


9 people like this
Posted by Aveline
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 19, 2019 at 11:03 am

Aveline is a registered user.

Bill, I have been here for 35 years. Sure, better food and more traffic. We also have 10 million more people in the State not to mention population growth globally. With all the large influx of Asians (for real estate investment and ability to have multiple children in the case of Chinese), it will be awhile before any assimilation occurs, if it ever does since the Bay Area is the largest Asian population outside of Asia and growing. So we are resigned to being the only house in the hood who observes flag day, Presidents’ Day and Veterans Day, or grilling on July 4, and not celebrating Chinese New Year. We are also resigned to not knowing our neighbors anymore.


Like this comment
Posted by Pleasanton Parent
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 19, 2019 at 11:19 am

Pleasanton Parent is a registered user.

I don't think anyone here is advocating avoiding legal action, I think the statement is to start with direct communication before pursuing.


20 people like this
Posted by Doug
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 19, 2019 at 12:28 pm

@Aveline

Wow, Aveline. I've got the feeling that you just don't like people who don't have the same background as yourself. Have you even tried to reach out and introduce yourself to any of your neighbors? As for assimilation, look around you. It's going around everywhere with Pleasanton kids making friends with each other regardless of their race or ethnicity. Also, I and a lot of other Pleasantonians but out flags on the 4th of July (including the Asian family across the street from us), but precisely how does one "observe" President's Day and Veteran's Day? I think that for most Americans it just means relaxing on those days, but apparently you have in mind some special practice that distinguishes your behavior and that of "real Americans" from your Asian neighbors on President's Day and Veteran's Day, so I would like to know what that is because I have no clue what that could be despite being born in this country. Finally, the Bay Area does not have the largest population of Asians outside of Asia. Even in this country, both NYC and LA have larger populations of Asians.


8 people like this
Posted by K.
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 19, 2019 at 3:27 pm

I do not want to be associated with any of the above comments related to pointing to "race" as a cause of the problem. They are not appropriate and they are offensive.

It has nothing to do with race.

I do believe it is a change in the economic status of the people that have moved to Pleasanton. Pleasanton used to be a very solid middle class - blue collar and white collar - town. Richer people - many 2 earner families - seem to be more inward focused than outward focused. It also has to do with the city and area becoming more crowded - just to get home from a Silicon Valley job is a daily torture.

It's still a nice place to live - but I think the stresses of working and living in this crowded area cause people to be less neighborly and to be not too concerned with the impact they have on the people around them.

It's more than just the usual percentage of jerks you find in any group of people.


12 people like this
Posted by Aveline
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 19, 2019 at 6:13 pm

Aveline is a registered user.

Wow Doug, that was really deep and a bunch of PC liberal self righteous snobbery. I’m pointing out real life changes in our society that are happening due to the global reality and which will not always be sunshine and lollipops as you think. But, sure, I don’t like being called a racist because I ask a neighbor to not leave trash outside for a week, nor did I care for my grandkids being told by classmates that Americans are stupid and lazy. By the way, I told them to hold their head high, study hard and ignore the racists.

I never claimed anyone was un-American because they don’t fly a flag but when I lived in France, you can be darn sure I flew their flag on Bastille Day and learned the basic language skills and courtesies of my host country to show respect That it what seems to be absence here at times.


16 people like this
Posted by Doug
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 20, 2019 at 7:00 am

@Aveline

Gee, Aveline, that was a rather weak comeback. You think that what I wrote was “PC liberal self righteous snobbery”? All I did was point out some facts and ask you two questions. I pointed out the fact that there is widespread assimilation between Asians and others. (You has no response to that.) I asked you to state precisely how one is supposed to “observe” President's Day and Veteran's Day, since you seem to have a gripe about your neighbors’ behavior in that regard. (You ignored the question.) I then pointed out that your claim that the “Bay Area is the largest Asian population outside of Asia” is factually incorrect. (You ignored that, too).


5 people like this
Posted by James Michael
a resident of Val Vista
on Feb 20, 2019 at 8:35 am

James Michael is a registered user.

It is not about race or even religion...it's about ASSIMILATION. Cultural assimilation to be precise. Some do it quickly, others take a generation or more and still others resist it entirely...every major city seems to have a Chinatown or a Little Italy because that's where those immigrants were forced to live but over time assimilation occurs. Little Italy in NYC is not Italian anymore.


20 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 20, 2019 at 9:32 am

BobB is a registered user.

@Aveline,

So "grandkids being told Americans are stupid" is a widespread problem in Pleasanton? Or could it be that your grandkids aren't working hard enough or not doing their homework? Could it be that? I guess it seems to you that these foreigners coming in to your neighborhood have a lot of gall to work so hard and be so successful.

Maybe stop blaming others and look at yourself. Stop being afraid of people from other places. We have enough of that these days. Don't be part of the problem.


10 people like this
Posted by Bill
a resident of Pleasanton Heights
on Feb 20, 2019 at 12:45 pm

Yep. There were a lot of racists here 35 years ago as well.

Funny too. I find the nicest people I meet in town tend to be recent immigrants. Maybe it's me.


8 people like this
Posted by Human Nature
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 20, 2019 at 4:33 pm

Hate to go against the politically correct comments about "racism". Seems many believe only white people are racist. At least that is what is reflected above.

There is an equal percentage of "racists" in every race of people - it's human nature.

If you think this is wrong, you are looking around with you eyes closed. There are just as many racists in Pleasanton now as 35 years ago - they just happen to be members of different racial groups.

Kind of the same thing as the comment above that there are always jerks in every group.


6 people like this
Posted by Doug
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 20, 2019 at 5:03 pm

@Human Nature

If you're trying to point out the simple fact that there are bigots, racists, and bad people of every race, try telling us something that we don't all already know.


12 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 20, 2019 at 6:53 pm

BobB is a registered user.

@Human Nature,

I disagree that there are fewer racists in Pleasanton than there were 35 years ago, or 100 years ago for that matter. There is also less xenophobia. It still exists (see Aveline above), but there is social progress.

I also think Pleasanton is a better place than it was 35 years ago, and it is more than just better restaurants (and better schools). Things for the most part are getting better all around. We have a lot to be thankful for.


2 people like this
Posted by Pete
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 21, 2019 at 8:14 am

You keep thinking, Bob...


5 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 21, 2019 at 9:41 am

BobB is a registered user.

Yes Pete,

We all need to use our heads and keep thinking.

Another thing we have to be thankful for is a lower crime rate than we had 35 years ago.

Practice gratitude. It will improve you outlook on life.


5 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 21, 2019 at 9:44 am

BobB is a registered user.

To clarify my reply above, I do think it is obvious that there are fewer racists in Pleasanton today compared to 35 or 100 years ago. There is also a lot less xenophobia. Thank goodness for that.


12 people like this
Posted by talking doesn't always work
a resident of Downtown
on Feb 21, 2019 at 10:01 am

Not sure how this degraded into a commentary on racism. I don't know the new neighbors although I believe that I have seen at least a couple of them. As if it matters -- they appear to be white, but that is not the point. This thread was not about their race, religion or eye color. It was about the thoughtless way that their actions impact the neighbors and why that is not acceptable. It makes no difference about their race, age, sexual orientation or workplace. The facts are that when they are careless with their trash, their noise and their parking, they will not be readily welcomed into any neighborhood.


9 people like this
Posted by Aveline
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 21, 2019 at 10:06 am

Aveline is a registered user.

Dear Bob, so now you blame my grandkids for a racist remark? What a jerk. Interesting you think I discredited “foreigners” for working hard when the simple fact is that self entitlement and feelings of superiority are practiced by all cultures, religions and races. America is probably the most multi integrated country in the world and if you don’t believe that, look at the lack of it in China, Middle East and India where I might add each have long held prejudices against non Chinese, against other religions, women rights, and the caste system. Yeh, I have traveled in all of these countries extensively.
My point is quit calling anyone supporting assimilation who honestly expresses occasional frustration of accommodating a myriad of different cultural norms a bigot. You are the one who needs to get out more often in the real world and out of your pearly white suburban comfort zone.


12 people like this
Posted by Sam
a resident of Oak Hill
on Feb 21, 2019 at 11:12 am

Aveline,

You are correct and not racist at all. I'm from China originally and you are right we don't engage that much and are very immediate family oriented. We focus primarily on work, school, and family. In terms of patriotism, we are happy to be American but do not have the level of family history or understanding of past generations as hand down knowledge. Our parents and grandparents handed down their history in China because that was their only point of reference. Over a period of time or generations we will be able to better appreciate the history of being here.


20 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 21, 2019 at 12:38 pm

BobB is a registered user.

"Aveline",

You come to this thread that has nothing to do with race or national origin, and try to make it about race and national origin. Then you complain about "accommodating" other cultures. You are the problem. You are a bigot and a xenophobe. It would be good for people like you to improve your attitude or move along.


7 people like this
Posted by Aveline
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 21, 2019 at 1:57 pm

Aveline is a registered user.

Thank you Sam. Your words are greatly appreciated


7 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 21, 2019 at 5:09 pm

BobB is a registered user.

@Sam,

It is bad to prejudge people based on their national origin or ancestry. Don't give people like "Aveline" or "Wilma" or "Bella" any encouragement.


11 people like this
Posted by My opinion
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 22, 2019 at 11:25 am

My opinion is a registered user.

At no time was this intended to be even marginally about race. It is a comment on the thoughtless actions of people who should know better.

Just when I had hopes of working things out, the kid started slamming the basketball onto the backboard at about 6:30 this morning. And as you might guess, one of the shots sailed over the fence, smacked the house and barely missed a window. Talking has had no effect. I didn't answer the door at 6:30 to give back the ball -- as if that was even a reasonable request at that time of day. That only solves the problem until they get another ball.

This appear to be a long learning process, especially when one party is so very entitled.


1 person likes this
Posted by Doug
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 22, 2019 at 12:48 pm

@"My opinion"

Have you spoken to your other neighbors about all this and are they in agreement with you that this particular neighbor is a neighborhood nuisance about trash and noise and possibly other things? If so, there are apparently "nuisance" laws that apply if there is a neighbor who is preventing you all from enjoying living in your homes. If you and your neighbors have a good case, you could all band together and file multiple small claims court actions against the problem neighbor. If the behavior persists, you could all get together and do it again. Try googling up info on "nuisance laws" or consult a lawyer.


6 people like this
Posted by My opinion
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 22, 2019 at 1:19 pm

My opinion is a registered user.

@ Doug, as I said in my previous post "Talking has had no effect."

Several of us have spoken with them and although they nod their heads, their actions do not change. Just seems as if they don't really care about whose toes they step on. Not a good way to try to blend into your new neighborhood.


4 people like this
Posted by Human Nature
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 22, 2019 at 2:36 pm

Doug - I apologize. I read into Bill's comment that there were a lot of racists 35 years ago as "a lot of white racists" since Pleasanton was predominately white 35 years ago.

BobB - I did not intend to say there are more racists today. I think there are the same % of the population, and a small percentage at that.

I've lived here a long time - I'm not one of those long time residents that constantly lament about how terrible this town is now. There was a whole lot of nothing here in the early 70s - much better today.

If I have to live in the Bay Area and close to Silicon Valley for my job, this is the place I want to be.


1 person likes this
Posted by Doug
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 22, 2019 at 2:49 pm

@"My opinion" : "Doug, as I said in my previous post "Talking has had no effect."

I understand that. That's why I was suggesting that you consider another option.


4 people like this
Posted by Map
a resident of Del Prado
on Feb 25, 2019 at 11:53 am

I’ll take pleasanton past anytime over pleasanton present, it was a lot more peaceful around here, everybody knew their neighbors and it was a great place to live and work and later to raise your kids. What’s the rush, where is everybody in such a hurry to get too?? So many “entitled” drivers taking over our streets and newbie residents trying to change our town for what they call a better place to live?? Crime has gone up in the last 35 years, you guys are living a pipe-dream if you think it’s safer now.


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Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 25, 2019 at 12:37 pm

BobB is a registered user.

@Map,

The Pleasanton police department says the crime rate is lower today than 30 years ago.

Trying to keep Pleasanton from changing when it's right next to silicon valley is hopeless. And some people like a faster pace.


Like this comment
Posted by David
a resident of Alisal Elementary School
on Feb 27, 2019 at 11:07 am

David is a registered user.

@ Doug
I googled because I was interested after reading this thread. New York is the largest Chinese-America major metropolitan population in the USA, the Bay Area (San Jose-Fremont-Oakland) is the second while (south) LA is third. I’m not a wonk but what I saw was 2010 census and I presume this data has changed and must refer to citizens and not those on temporary work visas. According to the census data, Asian-Americans rep close to 50 percent.


2 people like this
Posted by BobB
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 27, 2019 at 12:45 pm

BobB is a registered user.

David,

That is not the way the census works. It counts citizens and non-citizens alike. But that isn't what this thread is about.


Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

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