Dear Santa:

Please get yourself a poop-bag dispenser for that sleigh. Last year we had reindeer droppings all over our roof, and boy was my dad Mark mad! If it happens again, he might write another anonymous letter -- yeah -- he says that'll fix you. Or maybe he'll gather up those offending morsels and ship 'em back to you at the North Pole. Or if he's really so mad he might bring them up there himself in a paper bag, and put the bag on your porch, and set it on fire, and ring the Santa doorbell, and hide in the bushes! LOL!

I asked him, why not just go out and meet the guy, maybe take a bag and a biscuit, and ask him nicely to pick up after his pooch? Wouldn't that be better -- a more neighborly thing to do? He said nah, I'm just a kid, so I don't know how these things work. Gotta be tough -- peaceful coexistence is for sissies. So much better to do it this way. Maybe when I'm more mature I'll understand.

Anyways Santa, I thought I'd better warn you. If you do bring a bag, you can leave it with us -- just tuck it into the big sock on the end, above the fireplace.

Your friend, Dookie