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What are we raising?

Original post made by Concerned about our kids, Harvest Park Middle School, on Oct 27, 2011

I've been bothered by some stories I've heard around town in regards to our teenagers. Stories about boys asking girls to homecoming and going overboard. One story was of a young man who purchased dozens of red roses and balloons. He got permission to go into the girl's bedroom by her parents and sprinkle the rose petals all over her bed. The teenagers I was talking to called them "sex petals". Another story I heard is about a boy who froze a key into a heart shaped ice sculpture (I believe he payed for it), had the girl break the sculpture, and told her she held the key to his heart.

Am I the only one that believes this is excessive? Are we not spoiling our children by allowing them to be so extreme? What is going to happen to them when they go out in the real world and realize that they are not rewarded by this type of behavior?

My daughter and I had a long conversation about how some teenagers were being allowed to act as adults and that this type of behavior is not appropriate for 16 year olds. But it bothers me that parents are allowing their children to act in this way.

Comments (24)

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Posted by Petey
a resident of California Reflections
on Oct 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Are you joking?

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Posted by Cholo
a resident of Livermore
on Oct 27, 2011 at 9:30 pm

give young people a to them about what they're doing...keep the judgement's in your hip what if they go overboard as teens...they brains are still doesn't seem dangerous to me...they're becoming adults and need all the understanding they can get...listen, listen, listen...

what truly bothers me is the excessive use of alcohol and drugs by teens...that is truly frightening...especially if they are also driving while intoxicated or high...

good question...have fun with your're lucky they have time to grow and learn about this coo-coo world...

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Posted by Been There
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Oct 27, 2011 at 9:39 pm

There are killjoys everywhere.

My kids (boys and a girl) all did this stuff and had a lot of fun with it. They are all now in their 20s, college grads, all working good jobs (grateful for that!) and one is married....they had fun being creative in asking and being asked to dances. As parents, we always knew what the "plan" was and we helped out and were there when the surprise took place. It was just plain fun.

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Posted by So no one thinks
a resident of Bordeaux Estates
on Oct 27, 2011 at 9:44 pm

So no one thinks that laying sex petals on a bed (as the kids were referring to it) could lead to some inappropriate behavior? I agree with the poster. This is ridiculous behavior.

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Posted by Petey
a resident of California Reflections
on Oct 27, 2011 at 9:52 pm

What's inappropriate behavior at age 16? Teach your kids to be prudent and, if the urge is so strong, to protect themselves. It is possible to be a responsible 16 year-old.

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Posted by Been There
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Oct 27, 2011 at 10:20 pm

I just asked one of my 20-somethings about the rose petals being called "sex petals" and he's never heard of that. It may just be this one particular group of kids using that expression which is not so good, I agree. But that doesn't mean that other teenagers can't have fun with learning to be respectfully romantic. Teenagers learn about life and I agree with Petey - they will fall in love in the next few years - and kindness, respect, consideration and romantic tokens like flowers are good things.

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Posted by Maja7
a resident of another community
on Oct 28, 2011 at 8:11 am

It is Pleasanton! Everything is a little over the top! With all the media influence it's no wonder that our children are trying to "out do" each other. I personally think it's too much. Like everything else, the pendulum will swing back and more modest declarations of "teen love" will be back in style.

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Posted by Food for thought
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Oct 28, 2011 at 8:19 am

Teach your kids to be independent thinkers and find confidence from within and then this social stuff will matter less.

Except for when your over-the-top neighbors, bankrupt neighbors come asking for a bailout either directly or via the many social government programs ;-)

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Posted by Back in the day
a resident of Birdland
on Oct 28, 2011 at 9:30 am

Back in the olden days people got married at 16 and had to work and raise a family. Now a days our 18 year old sons and daughters are sent off to fight a war that isn't even ours. So if some teens and their parents want to go overboard let them, why does it bother you, you aren't paying for it. If you think it is a bad influence on your child, then talk to your child and try to teach them right from wrong, not that I am saying the others are wrong it is just their choice, which last time I heard this is a free country and as long as they aren't breaking the law them leave people be.

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Posted by So silly
a resident of Downtown
on Oct 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm

This is the behavior you are worried about? Give me a break.

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Posted by pleasantonteen
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Oct 28, 2011 at 2:45 pm

This post is ridiculous.
I was a Pleasanton teen! Now i attend college and am one year away from becoming a teacher. I did all of the things above and it has not in anyway made me "unprepared" for the real world. Pleasanton is a great place to grow up and as teenagers we are very lucky to be growing up there. Leave the age group alone! They are going to be more prepared for the real world than you think, and also just build trust with your kids. My parents trusted me and so I knew not to do things that would break that trust.

Leave the teens alone! They are lucky to be getting the great education Pleasanton gives, and the social life for teens it gives.

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Posted by Mike
a resident of Highland Oaks
on Oct 28, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Let's give our kids some credit and assume that they are just as able to handle this as we were when we were 16 and our parents were wringing their hands.

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Posted by kt
a resident of Del Prado
on Oct 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm

It is pretty ridiculous, and yes, Pleasanton folks have helped create this culture of excess. My son asked his date the old fashioned way, with flowers at school and a simple question. Nothing over the top, just simple and respectful; appropriate behavior for his 14 years. Reading these posts just further reenforces the reputation that Ptown and other communities like it have - self-absorbed,parents making excuses for excessive behavior, justifying their children's actions, whatever goes. I just hope that regular people stick to their beliefs and encourage their kids to act like kids, and teach them to live within their means and not try to be something they are not; adults.

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Posted by PTownMom
a resident of Country Fair
on Oct 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Students used to decorate lockers to ask each other to dances. No more lockers so they decorate cars or rooms. My kids are also Amador, now college grads, one of them covered his girlfriends room with roses to ask her to prom 10 years ago. My boyfriend covered my apartment with roses when I was in college 30 years ago.
I think it is nice that boys care enough to make the effort.
It is harmless fun, lighten up!

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Posted by P-Towne
a resident of Downtown
on Oct 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm


If you weren't YOUR child's parent, rather an unsuspecting person having coffee at Tully's on any given Friday after school.....

You would hear 12-13 year olds talking openly about haveing sex, XTC and often smoking!

NOT "loosers" or contiuation high schoolers... Athetes, cheer leaders, the "popular" crowd!

Funny to see the educated and "proper" mommys pull right up and stop traffic in massive Escalades and such, talking on their cell phones etc. Totally, clueless!~

Pleasanton is infested with a major drug problem, that why there are all the discussion groups with Pleasanton Police there.

Sex is what it is, sex! Hit and miss, no matter how good, how educated or wealthy parents are, it's a numbers game.

Open communication with your kid's, education on protection as far as sex and god only knows the answer to the perscription drug epidemic.

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Posted by norton
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Oct 28, 2011 at 8:36 pm

I have to tell you I agree with this nonsense about kids today. I heard a kid say drinking beer was cool. My neighbors daughter talks on her iPhone all day. I know I didn't move to Pleasanton to have my kids exposed to nonsense. My kids have been raised properly and don't have the bad habits like other kids. I mean, one kid that came to our house said his parents allowed him to watch South Park. I'm astounded.

Please, let's keep Pleasanton safe for our kids. I know I do. If you think your kids are watching TV programs that have bad words, or talk about things that don't belong in mixed public, please tell their parents. Also you can join our Church Support Group that straightens out wayward kids on their way to the dark side. We can do something if we all do our share.

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Posted by franco
a resident of Vineyard Hills
on Oct 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm

franco is a registered user.

A couple of phrases in this post caught most of my attention...

"I've been bothered by some stories I've heard around town ..." and "I had a long conversation about how some teenagers were being allowed to act as adults ..."

Of all the stories out there that we hear everyday, this poster is bothered by "some stories". Clearly there is some moral standard behind this botheredness, which may not be shared by all.

Next I was astounded to learn the poster clearly feels that parents "allow" or disallow teenagers to act as adults.... When did this level of control over teenagers come into existence? Over the many decades I have lived I missed the point in time this occurred. Amazing how things change (or not!).

(Furthermore, don't we WANT them to act like adults?)

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Posted by Mike
a resident of Highland Oaks
on Oct 28, 2011 at 9:47 pm

If things are good in the home, then you'll have naught to worry about.


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Posted by Tango
a resident of Vineyard Avenue
on Oct 29, 2011 at 12:45 am

I have two grandchildren that go to Foothill and one plays football and the other plays water polo. I go to as many games as I can. the young people I have seen at these sports venues are really well behaved and have been surprised how well behaved most of the kids are. I am a little surprised about how skimpy the boys bathing suits are. "The times they are a changing."

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Posted by Aaron
a resident of Foothill High School
on Oct 29, 2011 at 5:15 pm

It's all about who a kid looks up to.
Luckily to this guy I turned out okay!
Web Link

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Posted by dublinmike
a resident of Dublin
on Oct 29, 2011 at 10:24 pm

I think that it's great we're talking about our kids and their behavior, period. When I was their age things were buried and not spoken of.

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Posted by Lessismore
a resident of Castlewood
on Oct 31, 2011 at 4:23 pm

There is a thing call romance. I think it great a few kids are still willing to think outside the lines.

There are a lot of great kids in this town. If you think are kids are so schools are so bad there is a city up 580 where you can move.

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Posted by Member
a resident of Amador Valley High School
on Nov 2, 2011 at 7:56 pm

That is the most rediculous thing I've ever heard. You should be more worried about the drugs under the bridge downtown, kids hanging out in parks late at night, or the crazy amount of under-age drinking. Not the fun, innocent tradition of asking a girl to homecoming.

I asked all my friends(I'm in college)and kids I know who are still in high school..not one of them know what "sex petals" are. Who in the world did you talk too? Obviously the kids you know are the ones we should be worried about. Not everyone else. Dont be so up-tight and worry about the bigger matters.

Homecoming is a fun harmless tradition. Boys spend weeks coming up with posters, rhymes, scavenger hunts and costumes to make the girl they are asking feel SUPER special.

I really think thats the least of our worries.

But every party needs a pooper..

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Posted by Brad
a resident of Pleasanton Heights
on Nov 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I think they all need to just bypass homecoming & proms and go to Rock and Jump in Dublin where apparently teen girls wear next to nothing and offer their services in dark corners with no adult supervision in site. Yup. Happens every Friday night. Now that is romance!

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

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