Runaway teens Runaway teens (October 28, 2005)

Escaping stress in unhealthy ways
by Rebecca Guyon

The day a mom we'll call 'Joan Smith' came home and found her 16-year-old daughter missing, she was immediately worried. Her daughter was already out of control: disrespecting her parents, drinking alcohol, spending time with older men. Smith's main concern, though, wasn't that her daughter was getting into trouble, but that she might do something to hurt herself. For about a year, the girl wasn't just misbehaving, she was also mentally unstable.

"She just disappeared," Smith said. "She didn't answer her phone, so I called all her friends and they didn't know where she was. Then, when I spoke with one of her friends, I was suspicious he knew something, and he finally told me that she had been in a bad mood and was talking of suicide."

Cases like Smith's are not uncommon. When teens don't know how to cope with family, school or other stresses, some react impulsively and think if they run away, they can leave it all behind. The number of runaway kids in California jumped by almost 3,000 from 2003 to 2004. According to the California Attorney General's Missing Children Report, both years more than 100,000 minors chose running away as the answer to emotional stress.

In Pleasanton, there were 116 cases of juvenile runaways in 2004, 55 more than in 2003. So far this year, Pleasanton parents have reported 65 runaways, nine less than what was reported by this same time last year.

The majority of runaways are teenagers in the 12-17 age range, but there have been a couple cases of children as young as 8 who've run away, said Police Chief Tim Neal. For the most part, though, running away is a teenage phenomenon.

"Typically a runaway is a defiant adolescent that is having some kind of conflict in the home," said Sergeant Brian Laurence who heads the Youth Services and Community Bureau for the Pleasanton Police Department.

"It can be conflicts with the parents or it can be they are feeling that the parent doesn't care about them, so they'll leave to be with someone who does, like a boyfriend or a girlfriend," he said.

It is also common for teens to stay at a friend's house for a few days, but usually the friend's parents either don't know that the runaway is there or they have been misled into thinking the runaway's parents are out of town, Neal said. While this is a difficult situation for the runaway's parents, most find it comforting to know that their child is at least in a safe place.

Pleasanton teens usually don't wind up on the streets or sleeping under an overpass, Neal said. In fact, School Resource Officer Van Radar said most runaways in Pleasanton do not leave the area and may even attend school or visit their friends during lunch, but will not go home for several days.

"A lot of times the runaway is just having some problems and chose to leave the house because they need some time to cool-off," Radar said.

That's not to say the police don't take runaway cases seriously. Every time a child is reported missing, even if the child voluntarily left, the police put out a broadcast so all officers are on the look out.

"We treat all (runaways) seriously because there is always that chance, even if the kid may have run away before, they may have gotten in a dangerous situation," Laurence said. A cautionary tale

That's what happened to two 15-year-old Pleasanton girls this past summer. The girls ran away from home with men they met on a party phone line in July. The incident took a turn for the worse when the men, ages 32 and 26, engaged in sexual intercourse with the girls, gave them alcohol and marijuana, and eventually pimped them in Oakland to earn money for food and motels. While most runaway cases do not result in such severe exploitation, parents still have many reasons to be worried and take action when their child is missing.

"The only way to know for sure if the child is safe is if they call up and say they're okay," Laurence said. "Absent of any first person contact with them, parents should play it safe."

That's why Smith called the police immediately after finding out her daughter might be in trouble, and they were right on the case. After searching Pleasanton for about an hour, they found her in a store downtown and brought her back home.

Smith was relieved that the girl was back, but their family problems were far from over. Their daughter kept acting out and even left a couple more times after the first instance, but under less dramatic circumstances.

"There is usually something else going on there, an underlying problem that needs a long-term solution," Laurence said. He explained that running away is just a symptom of greater problems the child is having in other aspects of his or her life, and it usually involves the family.

"It can be a lack of connection with parents, trauma, or loss or grief issues, maybe related to a family member's death," said Kathleen McConahy, a family therapist at Horizons Family Counseling. When a child runs away, the police department refers the child and the family to Horizons where they have the option to attend five family counseling sessions. The center sees about 350 new families each year, of which 35 percent come from Pleasanton, according to McConahy.

"Running away has always been a problem and it continues as families are under a great deal of stress, more than they have been in the past, especially as health service resources have diminished," she said. "Without resources, they may let things go longer than they normally would, or should, because they have no place to turn." Communication the key

Radar agreed that communication is the key to preventing teens from running away and reconciling if it does happen. "Our world revolves around communication and the biggest issue kids tell us is that they're not listened to, or sometimes a child does not know how to express themselves. It can go both ways."

In some case, teens run away because the parents are physically or sexually abusing them. That's why the police make sure to evaluate the situation and ask the teens questions about why they ran away before sending them back home because they would not want to put the child back in a dangerous situation. Working with the schools

To this end, the police work very closely with the schools to find out what is going on with the teen and to help students and families get through the difficult time. Each high school has a support counselor for at-risk youth, and one of the issues they deal with is runaways. Lillian Perez, support counselor for Amador Valley High School, said she sees about two or three runaways at Amador each year and is most alarmed when parents seem surprised that their child ran away.

"Communicate with your kids," she said. "Talk with them. Know what they're up to, who their friends are and where they are. We see a lot of parents who have no idea what their kids are up to."

For Smith, knowing her daughter's friends was an important step in getting the help their family needed. She found out that her daughter's older boyfriend had a criminal record. Fearing for her daughter's safety, she contacted the police and got a restraining order put on the man. But that was the last straw. Smith decided her family needed help. The police department told her about a new class called The Parent Project that it just started for parents with destructive adolescents. She and her husband signed up for the first class. Help for the defiant child

The jump in teenage runways between 2003 and 2004 prompted the police department to offer this class, Laurence said. The course, held in conjunction with Amador Valley Adult and Community Education, teaches parents how to control their children who are getting involved with drugs and alcohol, displaying incorrigible behavior and running away. Smith had actually tried other specialists and courses, but found The Parent Project especially helpful because it gave real, concrete advice, as opposed to general suggestions.

"Just saying, 'be close to your kids,' sounds absurd," she said. "How do you tell them you love them in verbal and non-verbal ways while still giving discipline? It's not easy."

Since launching The Parent Project in January 2005, the police department has seen a dip in runaway incidences, but Laurence said the change cannot be solely attributed to The Parent Project. When the numbers on runaways are recorded, every incident of a teen running away is counted -- meaning there may be two or three teens who are habitual runaways -- but each time they run away is reported as a separate case. If families with these habitual runaways either move away, quell the situation or if the teen turns 18 and is no longer reported as a juvenile, than this could change the numbers.

"The rise in 2004 could have been an anomaly," Laurence said. Still, the police department is encouraged to see the numbers dropping and continues to focus on fixing the problem by addressing the source in the family unit before it gets out of hand.

Smith's family has seen a complete turn around from where they were last year. Her daughter, now 17, is under control. She took and passed the General Education Development test and is now attending a community college with the prospect of going to a university next year. But even more important, Smith now enjoys the time she spends at home with her daughter.

"A year ago I was sleeping with my car keys in my hand," she said. "Now we have a calm family atmosphere. I thought it was impossible. I couldn't believe the situation would ever improve, but now I feel like my whole life came back."
Runaway cases in Pleasanton:

2004 - 116

2003 - 61

2002 - 60

2001 - 82

2000 - 90

Source: The Pleasanton Police Department 2004 Annual Report
Runaway cases in California:

2004 - 109,905

2003 - 107,023

2002 - 104,866

2001 - 90,453

2000 - 81,291

Source: Department of Justice, Office of the Attorney General, Reports on Missing Children
The Parent Project

The latest Parent Project started Sept. 20 and will wrap up the first week of December. The next course starts in January and parents interested in signing up should contact Amador Valley Adult and Community Education at 426-4280 for details.
Horizons Family Counseling Center

Families in need of help can get counseling at Horizons Family Counseling Center, located in Livermore. The agency has been around since the 1970s and offers counseling sessions on a sliding scale from $2-30 per session. The first five sessions are free. Call 371-4747 for more information or to schedule an appointment.

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