Dealing with students' grief Dealing with students' grief (January 07, 2005)

Principal meets with parents on how to handle loss
by Dolores Fox Ciardelli

The skies were gray outside and the mood inside was matching, at the Walnut Grove Elementary multipurpose room on Monday morning.

Principal Bill Radulovich was meeting with parents to discuss the loss of fifth-grade student Marissa Hunt, who was killed in an automobile accident during winter break.

"Teachers will provide only basic information," he told the 30 or so assembled, explaining that it is important for students not to have misinformation. They will then "read" the mood of the class, and individuals, to see if more needs to be done.

"Kids are curious," he said. "Where we go is for parents to decide."

He said that children may react in different ways, such as stomachaches, and the office staff is prepared. They may also miss their parents after spending two weeks with them. Such a tragedy makes everyone aware of their blessings, he added.

A funeral was held Thursday, Dec. 30, for Marissa with a reception afterward at the school. "We saw an incredible solace of the community, a lot of love, a lot of caring," Radulovich told the parents Monday morning. "This was a gift from Marissa for all of us."

Rich Puppione, Senior Director, Pupil Services, and counselors from other schools in the district were also on hand Monday to help out.

Radulovich said after his presentation that teachers and administrators are not routinely trained for this type of situation. He was the principal at Rancho Los Positas School in Livermore in 1998 when a family of seven was killed, five of whom attended his school. The event drew national media attention so one of the main concerns was keeping its coverage separate from the students.

"We set up a flower memorial by the school sign," he recalled, "out of the line of visitors."

Radulovich said that it is sometimes difficult for parents to talk to their children about death, plus adults have had a lot more experience with loss. "We have to resist the temptation to impose our feelings," he said. "A child's response may be to laugh and play and carry on. We have to allow them to be children."

The fact that this tragedy occurred during the two-week break allowed the children to be with their families, he noted, which offered some solace. It also allowed Radulovich and the staff time to plan for the students' return.

Walnut Grove has a part-time counselor and a part-time psychologist on staff, but Monday counselors from throughout the district were helping out. There were also additional counselors at Donlon Elementary, where Marissa's best friend attends school, and at Harvest Park Middle School, where her brother Kenny goes.

Walnut Grove Elementary has 130 fifth-graders. The counselors spoke to the fourth- and fifth-graders in small groups, and they also were available to meet one on one.

"We need to be vigilant," said Radulovich.

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