By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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“ . . . We have no way of knowing when our time is up . . .”
Uploaded: Jan 28, 2023
“It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
We’ve all been reminded of this in the aftermath of the shootings and deaths in Half Moon Bay. We grieve for our community, and the families and friends of those who died. Consider getting involved with gun control efforts. No one needs automatic weapons in daily life.
Hug each other close, make eye contact and say, “I love you.” Do it every day. Don’t wait to have conversations with people who matter to you. Call now. Say what you want and need to say. Listen. Love.
We are a death-averse and grief-averse culture. This actually hurts us. When we don’t talk about the people who have died, we are erasing them. That’s painful for those left behind. Ask a grieving friend or family member to tell you a story about the loved one who has died. It’s a relief to be able to talk about him/her.
So what if you cry and grieve? Or don’t cry, and grieve in your own way. These are normal human emotions. People are often afraid to cry because they worry they won’t be able to stop crying. You will stop eventually. It’s okay to express your grief. In fact it’s healthy.
Living to the fullest doesn’t mean “Screw it” to all your responsibilities (if it’s your preference to say screw it to everything, take a long, hard look at your life and decide what you need to change). It means being present: as Ram Dass said, “Be here now.” The people in your life will not always be here. Focus on where you are, who you are with, what you’re doing in this moment, and be all in. This is a lifelong practice. You won’t be good at it right away. I ask myself: “Where am I in this moment?” as a way of being here now.
Balance your dreams, hopes and desires with your responsibilities.
What is it worth to you?
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