People and Relationships Never Stop Being a Work in Progress | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | PleasantonWeekly.com |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

People and Relationships Never Stop Being a Work in Progress

Uploaded: Dec 3, 2022
It’s really true that we are all works in progress. Fortunately, your brain can continue to create new neural pathways until you die. Often you’ll hear “People don’t change.” And if you stagnate, or are content to go along with whatever is happening in your life now, you won’t change--much. People are regulated by the people they spend time with. Picking up words and phrases of the people that you are surrounded by is an example of neural regulation.

Also fortunately, you do have the choice to keep growing, to become your better and better self (notice I didn’t say ‘Best’ because there’s already too much striving for perfection in Silicon Valley).

Think about what is working for you in your life, and what isn’t. Admit that you are a work in progress; it will make it much easier to seek change, learn new tools, skills, and to educate yourself. Do you want a better marriage? Better relationship with your kids? Your boss? Co-workers? Friends? Family? I hope so.

People spend a lot of time trying to present themselves a certain way, to look as though they’ve got everything together. Yet we’re all human, and we have challenges. I’ve worked on patience my whole adult life. I’m much better at it now. Is there still room to improve? Absolutely. So I keep at it.

Most people don’t change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change. Perhaps just acknowledging that may free you up enough to make changes by choice; without waiting for the pain to become overwhelming. It’s a longer way back to health if you wait.

My goal in sharing this is to give you hope. Hope for yourself, for your marriage and relationships, hope for humanity. We need hope. We also need action. Take action to have healthier, better relationships. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
Community.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

Posted by ElaineB, a resident of Duveneck/St. Francis,
on Dec 3, 2022 at 9:58 pm

ElaineB is a registered user.

Lovely blog. Thank you.


Posted by Paul L. Flores, a resident of Esther Clark Park,
on Dec 6, 2022 at 3:07 am

Paul L. Flores is a registered user.

"Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don't over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness."


Posted by BarbaraS, a resident of another community,
on Dec 8, 2022 at 1:45 pm

BarbaraS is a registered user.

Wise words and encouragement to be brave with our lives.


Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

In order to encourage respectful and thoughtful discussion, commenting on stories is available to those who are registered users. If you are already a registered user and the commenting form is not below, you need to log in. If you are not registered, you can do so here.

Please make sure your comments are truthful, on-topic and do not disrespect another poster. Don't be snarky or belittling. All postings are subject to our TERMS OF USE, and may be deleted if deemed inappropriate by our staff.

See our announcement about requiring registration for commenting.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from PleasantonWeekly.com sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Doing more with the natural spaces we have
By Sherry Listgarten | 8 comments | 3,008 views

“ . . . We have no way of knowing when our time is up . . .”
By Chandrama Anderson | 3 comments | 1,689 views

Shining a spotlight on Tri-Valley start-ups
By Tim Hunt | 1 comment | 691 views

The future of homework
By Monith Ilavarasan | 0 comments | 466 views

Deferred? Now What?
By Elizabeth LaScala | 1 comment | 346 views