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What’s the one thing you say to yourself or to your partner that is consistently not useful? For example, complaining, criticizing, sarcasm, escalating, withholding . . .
Try this: get a loose bracelet, or one of those colorful rubber ones and put it on. Next time you notice yourself do the action, words or behavior (to yourself or your partner), move the bracelet to your other wrist.
Just notice. Please do not judge yourself. This is an exercise to help you increase your self-awareness. (This is not for you to track your partner, either!) Do you move the bracelet a couple of times a day? Several? Rarely?
How do you want to spend your time, energy, and power? Is this how? If so, keep it up. If not, try this: Ask yourself, "Where am I right now?" Look around and name in detail (to yourself) what you see, hear, smell, and feel. Locate yourself in this moment, on this day, in your own body.
In this moment, how do you want to treat yourself, your beloved?