By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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With nearly a 150,000 people having died in the US from Covid-19 and many, many more around the world, there are millions of people grieving the death of a loved one. And they are home grieving, alone or with their shelter-in-place bubble.
Add on the grief of losses that aren’t death-specific:
-People from all walks of life missing their friends, family and community
-College students unable to individuate from their parents and launch into adulthood
-High School students missing life passages (we don’t have many rites of passage in this country anyway)
-Younger kids missing school and the set up for the rest of their education and friend-building time
-Businesses floundering or going under completely
-Eye contact (masks make it harder, but that’s okay; the masks are too important)
-All sorts of things/plans everyone had are on the back burner
On the flip side, there has been an incredible sense of and growth in community:
-People making PPEs
-Donations are up
-Physically distanced gatherings
-Video gatherings for dinner, music, hanging out
-People saying hello and talking on walks in the neighborhood
-Gardening and sharing what’s grown
-Creativity in supply chain (e.g., getting fruits/veggies from farms to individuals instead of to restaurants)
Companies are working at breakneck speed to come up with Covid vaccines, medications, and making great headway.
I’m even getting used to seeing everyone wearing masks (I stay home most of the time; grocery shopping after good meal planning are my main outings).
We are in this together. We will weather the grief, call upon our communal strength. No one knows what comes next, or when. But we do have choices: to care for others by wearing a mask, to be kind, to listen when someone needs an ear and a heart to “hold” them and their pain.