By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Is there a grain of truth to the statement "I am kinder to a stranger than I am to my partner/spouse?"
If so, consider these questions:
How did I get here?
How long has this been true?
Is this new for me, or a repeating pattern?
How did I treat my partner before?
What's my part in these exchanges?
Am I willing to be kind again?
What does being kind sound like? Look like? Feel like?
What can I do today to be kind and what do I need to do for myself to work on this?
Notice if you're thinking that if only . . . my partner were kind to me, I would be kind to him/her. You can change your own behavior, not his/hers. You only have control over yourself.
How do you feel when you are kind? How do you feel when you are unkind?
Someone once told me we can go without sex for a day, but we can't go for a day without justification!
Given that you are sheltering in place together, or having a Corona Virus "long-distance" relationship, kindness truly matters.
Take this into your own hands--today.