By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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No, you are not. Despite how other couples look to you, you are definitely not the only one having problems.
In the same way that you don't want anyone to know your relationship is in trouble, other couples are doing the same.
A few years ago I helped present a two-Saturday couples workshop with Kathryn Ford. One of the most striking things about it was the couples' amazement (and the comfort in finding out): We are not the only ones! All couples have difficulties and struggles at times.
So the question isn't who is having issues -- the question is what to do about it? I implore you, do not wait six years (the average time couples wait before seeking help). By then you will be almost "out of rope" and learning new skills and tools when you're at your wits' end is so much harder.
Are you looking at your partner with rosy-colored glasses? Clear glasses? Or have you reached the stage where every action and conversation is tinted by compost-colored glasses; eroding trust, bit-by-bit, day-by-day, and night-by-night?
Perhaps a better question is: Are We the Couple Taking Care of Our Relationship?