By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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On January 21st I posted a blog
about the Love Script
: Arthur Aron's 36 questions to answer with another person in order to fall in love.
On my February vacation, I asked my husband if he would be willing to go through the questions with me, both to write about here, and for us as a couple. He agreed.
Many of the questions, as we would expect, are for people who do not know one another. We just answered those as deeply as we could, given what we already know about each other. And that's what I would recommend for you, as an established couple.
It was clear that the process is intimate, and intentionally takes the conversation deeper as the questions progress. The prescribed eye contact is powerful. (Notice how much eye contact you make with people throughout your day, and with your mate at home.)
We did find ourselves sharing a few important things that we had not discussed (partly because of dealing with Mom's illness, and because we're busy, plus one thing I just had not wanted to say and finally did).
It was a long process (about 3 hours), and probably best broken up into parts (we did it in three sittings). After we finished, I asked my husband what he thought of the whole process, so I could share it with you on Couple's Net, and he wondered how many men would really be willing to do it!
He also said he was glad that we had gone through the process: it's worth it.
So men and women, chime once you've done it and let me know how it was.