Trying New Behaviors: Fear & Excitement | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | PleasantonWeekly.com |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Trying New Behaviors: Fear & Excitement

Uploaded: Nov 3, 2014
Fear and excitement are on the same spectrum. Consider, in an evolutionary context, of hunters making the approach: fear and excitement. Think of current times, for example, preparing for a big presentation that may help you in your career, or trying to figure out what to say to your spouse about an important topic.

Many people don't want to try new behaviors until the fear of the current situation is worse than the fear of trying a new behavior. We don't want to change our behavior. It's comfortable; normal to us. What if it doesn't help? What if we're not good at it? Why can't we just be ourselves and do what we've always done? However, if what we've always done has given us results we don't want, we need to reconsider.

On the other hand, maybe your excitement will be sparked as things will be better in your relationship. Maybe it will become like old times, when you were happy. So maybe it's not really "new" after all. Perhaps it's like finding yourself again. Perhaps that has been set aside with the practicalities of family and work.

I suggest experimenting and practicing. All new behavior may not be the behavior you need or want. Try new behavior that you figure out on your own, or discuss it with your mate, so s/he knows what you're trying to change, and how. Try things out for at least a month before deciding if this is a good new behavior for your relationship.

Ask your beloved to give you positive feedback for your efforts, even if you fall short at times. Give yourself positive feedback, too. This consists of phrases such as, "I'm doing my best with this." "I'm proud of myself for trying new behavior, even if it's hard for me."
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get the most important local news stories sent straight to your inbox daily.

"What Did You Do?"
By Chandrama Anderson | 3 comments | 1,675 views

Smart pivot by fairgrounds leadership
By Tim Hunt | 1 comment | 465 views

Letters of Evaluation (LOE) for Medical School
By Elizabeth LaScala | 0 comments | 172 views

 

The Readers' Choice ballot is here

It's time to decide what local business is worthy of the title "Pleasanton Weekly Readers' Choice" — and you get to decide! Cast your ballot online. Voting ends May 16. Stay tuned for the results in the June 25 issue of the Pleasanton Weekly.

VOTE HERE