Community Goes to War over Yearbook Photo
Original post made
by Marvin, Parkside,
on Dec 11, 2012
It has been an awful several days of contentious debate for the Pleasanton community. On one side has been the Authoritarians who can see no possible virtue emanating from an unruly teen's grotesque fake face painting and nose ring. This pot smoking teen, they argue, will never measure up to the standards of the private (corporate) sector which, they argue, having all of society's dough, has a right to define proper decorum in appearance any way it wants to. If one can't get a private sector job because of one's appearance, well then one is simply a miserable failure in life. Worse, unable to charm any corporate personnel director with one's fake facial tattoo, one is likely to end up sucking tax dollars from the decent, CEO-fearing among us, and therefore become a Democrat. Or a public school teacher.
On the other side are the fearless Libertarians who argue that it is the wayward teen's right to tattoo his face albeit it might have been better received had it been the curly red-white-and-blue R in the front of 'money' -- make that 'omney' -- that rallied so many true patriots during the final apocalyptic days of our most recent election. For this is an individualist community that has sanctified the right of all individuals, from Sam Walton and sibs possessing more wealth than 40% of the population; to their high-tech surveillance of minimum wage Walmart workers attempting to organize into cursed unions; to their God-given right to hire out subcontractors whose deplorable factory conditions lead to thousands of deaths annually by fire, by hunger, by suicide (for, after all, those dead workers weren't coerced into working there, right?).
But of what import colonization of the lifeworld where all appearance and consumer habits are forced into corporate-molded taste and 'self' expression? Of what import the annoying deaths of foreigners who really just don't appreciate liberty like we do? No, let us search every nook and cranny in our efforts to learn more of the class dolt's noxious behaviors. They say in 1st grade he once wore his pj's under his school clothes, in fifth grade he kissed a girl on the playground (investigation of the girl's intention still pending, though gossip queens throughout the community are leaving no possible interpretation unturned), and that he has two -- two I tell you -- fillings on the left side of his mouth.
Is it too late to call in the Nat'l Guard to quell this battle? Oh, you say a request has been put in already? Oh, so say the gossip queens? The war continues!
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Posted by Marvin
a resident of Parkside
on Dec 12, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Apologies for the technical delay.... Since the city has done such a miserable job with cell phone towers, and now with dozens of drones hovering over the city, our ability to wifi from Main St has been seriously compromised.
As for the Assembly of Vigilantes scheduled to meet at 9 pm, it must be objectively reported as being something of a flop. No throngs of angry people, but only a few sad and lonely individuals who appear to be rather out of sorts. One elder woman continues to walk in a circle, repeating "Oh, the irony is so delicious! Oh, the irony is so delicious."
Another elderly woman, slowed by excessive weight, persisted in grabbing my staff supporters by their shirt lapels and shouting, alternately, "Aristotle WAS a libertarian, he was, he was, I tell you!" But then she'd quickly follow with, "Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?" And this latter was interspersed with a change of voice along with a varying "Do you know who she is? Do you know who she is?"
A desperately forlorn and hateful looking man, carrying a tattered Confederate flag, seemed confused as he bellowed "I am NO MAD, I am yes MAD, I am NO MAD," and when we asked for his identity all he could muster is "Liberalism is a disease." As I turned away, I caught him studying me, and then he asked: "Are you black or half-black? It matters you know!"
Ah, and then he returned moments later, with a lecherous look about him, and asked if we knew of any kids who needed home schooling.
Finally, a dirty little man who alternated between picking his hairy toes and whittling a stick, asked if we knew about the approaching tsunami. When we expressed our ignorance, he handed each of us a 150-word blog piece, and he said it foretells of the end of the earth, at least as we know it with unions and bloated pensions for public school teachers.
Oh, yes, and then there was this old geezer who insisted he was a journalist. "What scam educational institution are you from," he queried, and before we could respond he began warning us of ACLU whiners bubbling up from cracks in the sidewalk. He then apologized and asked where the golf course was, but he wouldn't let us respond. We said "Have a good evening," and he rejoined with "I didn't hear that, and I couldn't care less whether you have an opinion or not."
And that, I'm sorry to say, is all the Ptown Vigilantes were able to field for their first assembly. Reading the PW Forum pages, one would have thought there'd be many more, but alas, only this sad motley crew appeared.
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