http://pleasantonweekly.com/square/print/index.php?i=3&d=1&t=2355


Town Square

Annoyed with Father's Day and Mother's Day

Original post made by Mom on Jun 20, 2009

I don't like having the government making these holidays. I am a mother and I don't like Mother's Day. I don't want some official day pressuring us to something personal, like my relationship with my children. We don't do anything on that day unless we feel like it. If we feel like having a normal day, we do. I'm not going to go stuff my face at some buffet because it says Mother's Day on the calendar.
Both these days feel like more birthdays. And we all know who does the bulk of work for birthdays--Mom. My husband just had a birthday, and now I have to corral the kids again into making cards, finding the wrapping paper, etc. We just did this!
If both these days disappeared off the calendar I wouldn't miss them. We could express our feelings when we want to, sincerely.

Comments

Posted by Another Gatetree Resident, a resident of Pleasanton Valley
on Jun 21, 2009 at 8:24 am

Why not do what every other American does? Celebrate those holidays that are meaningful to you and ignore those that are not. Kwanzaa appears on some calendars now. Do I celebrate it? No. Do those of the Jewish faith celebrate Christmas? No.

Do they post their tirades on forums? No.

Like I said -- Pleasanton has....ATTITUDE. Get over yourself, you mother------.


Posted by Enjoying Father's Day, a resident of Country Fair
on Jun 21, 2009 at 8:49 am

Wow, way to suck the fun out of these days. I agree with AGR, celebrate those you want, ignore those you don't. On my calendar I see Arbor Day, Flag Day, and all the full moons, on none of which I do anything special (unless I remember to put out my flag on Falg Day, which is almost never). For Mother's Day, you should be able to do anything you want, and if that means not doing anything, that should be fine with your family, it is your day after all. But don't ask the government to take these off the calendar. (By the way, blame the printer of your calendar, not the government. Holidays land where they land, and it has nothing to do with the government.)

Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to have breakfast in bed, followed by watching some golf, then a nap . . . it is Father's Day (MY day!) after all!


Posted by Another Gatetree Resident, a resident of Pleasanton Valley
on Jun 21, 2009 at 9:12 am

To Enjoying Father's Day --- Enjoy your breakfast, golf and nap. Make Father's Day enjoyable -- however it suits you!


Posted by Julie, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 21, 2009 at 10:55 am

Julie is a registered user.

Actually, the government did "legalize" these holidays:

"It (Father's Day) was made a federal holiday when President Lyndon Johnson issued a proclamation in 1966.

"President Woodrow Wilson, who issued a proclamation in 1914, asked Americans to give a public expression of reverence to mothers on this day (Mother's Day)"

I don't see what the problem is and I agree with everyone else. Only you can allow yourself to feel pressured.


Posted by NoGoodDem, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 8:23 am

My wife and I have never stressed about "holidays," unless it was for our children's benefit. I bring her flowers and take her out to dinner on a regular basis. And, occasionally I buy her a card to express my love and admiration for what she does. It's always more fun and appreciated when it's done spontaneously. I was so busy one year that I even forgot my own birthday. Celebrate when you feel like it -- and ignore the "Hallmark special days" if that suits you.


Posted by Missy, a resident of Downtown
on Jun 23, 2009 at 8:25 am

I so agree with everyone here - if you choose to not celebrate Mothers Day - thats great! I do feel bad for your husband though....so because you dont like Mom's Day then he can't have a Fathers Day?? AND he had the nerve to have a birthday on top of that?? Wow - I can see your frustration!


Posted by a happy mom, a resident of Livermore
on Jun 23, 2009 at 8:42 am

Maybe you need a job and focus on enjoying life than whining about it.


Posted by lonesome, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 9:08 am

I so wish I could have celebrated Mother's Day this year. It was the first, since my Mom died. I miss her everyday and celebrate her memory.


Posted by DL, a resident of Danville
on Jun 23, 2009 at 9:33 am

What's wrong with both holidays? It's nice to have them, and an option for anyone not to in their personal lives. So if you have a bad experience with Christmas in the near future, are you going to feel and state the same with that holiday or any other holiday that you feel bitter about as well? BTW, my son and I had a "grand time" going for a stellar hike on Father's day...ha!


Posted by AH, a resident of Del Prado
on Jun 23, 2009 at 10:18 am

pshhh just because they're on the calender doesnt mean you HAVE to do them. besides wheres your holiday spirit? u gotta spend at least SOME time with your kids, sheesh. listen to everyone else here alright?


Posted by Mature Dad, a resident of Castlewood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I certainly hear his woman's cry. It's just like my 1st wife's bad attitude. In fact that's one of the reasons I divorced her. My new wife is the best. She lived in Pleasanton before I met her and I've got to tell you, it's a joy to live here and with her. By the way, our kids sent us great emails from college, we drank a bottle of Concannon wine and gave each other a big hug on Dad's day. Couldn't be better. I should send you my first wife's phone number so you could have lot's of fun hating everything in life together.


Posted by Nosy Neighbors, a resident of Pleasanton Heights
on Jun 23, 2009 at 12:58 pm

I love these "pseudo holidays" (which I'll lump Valentines, Mothers, Fathers, St. Patricks & Cinco de Mayo) because they give the average schmuck who's been a inattentive boyfriend, husband, son, daughter, lapse catholic, non-practicing alcoholic or margarita phobic Californio a chance to redeem themselves, if not just for one day.

Besides what would Hallmark, the candy/flower industry, Miller Brewing Co., (& The Green Dye Consortium) & good old Jose` Cuervo do without these "holidays?"

Oh & btw...Gay Pride Day is this weekend so break out your (Word removed by Pleasanton Weekly Online staff)chaps boys &...well, boys.


Posted by p-town resident, a resident of Downtown
on Jun 23, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Wow - the Mom that poseted this and nosy neighbor sound like a match made in heaven!


Posted by p-town resident, a resident of Downtown
on Jun 23, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Oops - I meant posted....


Posted by A Proud Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I personally like the holidays. In our lives that have become so busy, it makes us stop to appreciate our mom's and dad's. As a child, I LOVED doing something special for my mom or dad on these days. Yeah, sure we could do it on our own, but let's face it we'd put it off. I'd be so dissappointed to see these go. Why not attack something lame like Administrative Day or Bosses Day?


Posted by To Motherhood & Fatherhood, a resident of Vineyard Avenue
on Jun 23, 2009 at 3:17 pm

When I first read through the postings on this thread, I wasn't going to comment although I agree with 99% of what's on here. But the more I thought about it, I really feel sorry for the "Mom" who started this discussion, and I feel even more sorry for her husband and kids. What must life be like around their household? Does she have a stick lodged firmly where the sun doesn't shine? What, after all, is her problem?

But I also wanted to comment that I really enjoyed my Father's Day "weekend" which started with a bottle of champagne Friday night after work and culminated with a wonderful bbq dinner and wine on the patio Sunday night. Ahh, fatherhood is great and I thoroughly enjoy it each and every year (and my family makes sure that I do)!


Posted by What?, a resident of Las Positas
on Jun 23, 2009 at 4:59 pm

This is the dumbest topic I've seen on here. What a waste of space & time. Who cares?


Posted by Shirley, a resident of Del Prado
on Jun 23, 2009 at 6:10 pm

I don't particularly like Hallmark holidays. I do love my husband and try to honor him daily (ok, most days).


Posted by S. Cremecheese, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 9:44 pm

Where have all the butterflies gone?


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 11:21 pm

Okay, people, you're making a lot of assumptions. I spend tons of time with my kids, what about what I wrote makes it sound like I don't? Get a job? I have a part-time job. Again, where did that come from? Someone wrote, why should my husband not get Father's Day. Didn't I write that we were wrapping presents and there were homemade cards? He had Father's Day.
Baseless assumptions.
To people who say don't feel pressured, how can you ignore Father's Day? You have to succumb to the pressure.
I see all you guys at Safeway scrounging around for the last flowers on Valentine's Day, so it seems we all feel the pressure of these friggin' holidays.


Posted by No pressure, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 23, 2009 at 11:38 pm

"Mom"

Which when I write your name, I can't imagine you have any pride in that title after what you wrote, but anywho...

I LOVE the holidays with my family! I make the most of every last detail to make the ones I adore in my life feel super-extra special. Yes this year the children and I made Dad a special over the top breakfast in bed that you just can't have everyday and then we took him to go for a hike. Spent the afternoon together out and about. We had a special picnic and then more fun (it was a gorgeous day Sunday!). We brought our favorite Dad home, had a BBQ with his favorites and showered him in some of his favorite items. Our children also made a homemade gift from each of them and he loved it all and we all enjoyed treating him extra special. He was so happy all day - it was great.

Now don't get me started on my Mother's Day! It was AMAZING and I love and adore spending time with my family. We always have so much going on, it is terrific, Hallmark created or not, to have a day to dedicate to our family.

I'm so sorry you don't revel in these special family days like I do. I plan for weeks to prepare for all the holidays! It is such a joy!!


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 24, 2009 at 1:09 am

You brought your favorite Dad home? Where does he live usually? Where do you store the other Dads?
Were the kids there when you showered him?
Please get started on Mother's Day! We want to hear!!


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 24, 2009 at 1:16 am

Dear To Motherhood and To Fatherhood, who appropriately lives in the Vineyard- You weren't going to respond initially because you were hungover. Ah, Father's Day is great when you're bombed.
You're all so sentimental when you're drunk.


Posted by Darla, a resident of Carriage Gardens
on Jun 24, 2009 at 1:37 am

No pressure, there is no shame in reaching out for help.


Posted by No pressure, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 24, 2009 at 11:00 am

Darla and "Mom",

How pathetic you both are that you would see something wrong that I love my family, enjoy the holidays - no matter how "minor" they seem to you - because I get to spend extra special time with my loved ones, and you think that is odd?

Get your head screwed back on straight!

By the way, my kids are the ones your kids are jealous of!

And as far as Mother's Day, let's just say a surprise trip was involved and we all had a ball together - the memories from that day are priceless.

Don't be bitter!! :)

Happy 4th of July! We'll plan on taking in a parade, having a bbq with friends and family, and eating ice cream and staying up ate for our little cuties to see the fireworks over water at the lake in our boat.

What are you going to do? Picket that holiday out in front of the White House?

Have a great time!


Posted by Trickle down effect, a resident of Pleasanton Heights
on Jun 24, 2009 at 11:09 am

I agree with Mature Dad, No Pressure and Fatherhood/Motherhood -

The trickle down effect of parents with sour grapes attitude onto their kids is sad.

I can only imagine how miserable it is for the kids and spouses of people like Mom and Darla.


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 24, 2009 at 11:14 pm

There 's a lake in your boat? Start bailing!


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 25, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Invite Drunk Dad, he won't even notice. You two should merge your perfect lives into one big delusion of perfection.


Posted by No Pressure, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 25, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Mom,

I can't, this may not fit with your value system but, I am already married to Mr. Wonderful and love him to pieces! Gotta run, kids are in bed and it is our 'special' time!! :)

Hope you enjoy that book...or whatever it is you do with yourself since you are probably alone...

I pity you...or your husband if you really are married.


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 25, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Somehow I think you're me in disguise, No pressure.


Posted by DL, a resident of Danville
on Jun 26, 2009 at 9:28 am

Say there "Mom,"

Think you may have struck a nerve with many here, regarding this strange subject matter, which was not certainly a good one for most to read and agree with. One of the many reasons you're in a debate with folks like No Pressure. Even if your views are the opposite of many here, it's sometimes better to keep these types of things personal, and to your own lifestyle of comfort. On the other side, if you feel you have a right to your contrast opinion (which you certainly do), then you're going to get a lot of flack for your views about this topic.

Will share my final reasons why I not only agree with having Mother & Father's Day as a holiday, but celebrate them annually:

Have a mom that had eight sons, five hip replacements, two knee replacements, partial shoulder replacement, never complained once in her life, never said a foul word in her life, been more than supportive for her children, husband, and always stayed the course of living a very positive spiritual life.

Had a dad that suffered a severe accident as a child, faithfully married my mom, raised my brothers and I with high morals/standards, worked very hard all his life, unexpectedly passed away at the age of 66, back in '97

Now with those valid factors alone, always look forward to celebrating and making my mom happy every Mother's day of every year. Wish other mothers a happy day, while surprising my girlfriend with a dozen roses, a nice dinner, and more.

On Father's day have the honor to celebrate that holiday with my son, wish other fathers a happy day, and most of all...reflect on the legacy and spirit of my father out there somewhere in the cosmos, on Father's Day.

A kind note to No Pressure: Always be proud and blessed to celebrate these two days in many years to come. Make everyday special in any way possible (sure you do regardless:), to give the unconditional love and support to your husband and children. The love you give will always come back, ten fold as you're experiencing in your harmonious world.


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 2:57 pm

The question is: why the flack? I don't care that I get it, but it's interesting why anyone who is so happy and content would be triggered to respond. If I'm really the object of pity, why would anyone try to make me feel my pitifulness by describing the joy in their lives?
Something is going on that has nothing to do with me.


Posted by IMHO, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 4:17 pm

"Mom",

I think the flack, as you called it, came after you called posters out for what they said. I think that is the "something (that) is going on" and I think it had everything to do with you.

I think people are sincere in their comments of enjoyment of these holidays here - just as sincere as you are that you don't prefer them.

I think both are valid and clearly difficult to see from the other side. People generally post when they clearly disagree or agree with someone. It draws them out.

I think you're thinking about this too much and definitely posting too many replies. It seems the standard is that one person posts a topic and others reply. You got much more involved than that. People clearly love these holidays.

Just my 2 cents.


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 5:30 pm

Well, "what they said" was directed at me. I didn't reply to anybody who was just giving their two cents. I replied to people who had a weird need to tell me (yes, their replies were directed to me specifically) that their Father's Day was an ecstatic experience and claim to pity me. (If you pity someone, do you try to make them feel worse?) What was that about?


Posted by IMHO, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 6:16 pm

"Mom",

In your OP, you said,

"Both these days feel like more birthdays. And we all know who does the bulk of work for birthdays--Mom. My husband just had a birthday, and now I have to corral the kids again into making cards, finding the wrapping paper, etc. We just did this!"

Then you later said to people who thought you were negative, "Someone wrote, why should my husband not get Father's Day. Didn't I write that we were wrapping presents and there were homemade cards? He had Father's Day."

No you didn't simply point out that you had completed a Father's Day celebration, you originally complained about the experience which got some honest replies, then you complained about the honest replies (exactly what you originally did) and then told others they shouldn't get to do that.

The point is you put your point out there, others disagree and give reasons why, and then you claim foul because some of the opinions are directed at what you said.

Do you often feel the need to voice your opinion and expect others to not have one?

If you go back through the posts, you'll see a pattern of you making very negative statements and then mocking others for disagreeing with you. Is this a pattern in your life?

You don't come to a forum to vent an opinion and then chastise those that don't agree with you. It's inconsistent - do you see that?

It was a little odd to then have you make psychological insights into others for just disagreeing with you, strongly. I think making a statement like,

"I didn't reply to anybody who was just giving their two cents. I replied to people who had a weird need to tell me (yes, their replies were directed to me specifically) that their Father's Day was an ecstatic experience and claim to pity me. (If you pity someone, do you try to make them feel worse?) What was that about?"

Did you in fact open the thread with telling others that you disliked your Father's Day experience and that you don't like it? Then why are you surprised when others disagree just as strongly? Because your opinion counts? I think that it is absolutely fair for others to disagree with what you post when you opened up the personal comments.

You are now trying to separate that.

You also chose to make a statement to "No Pressure" after she basically said nothing but that she loved the holidays with her family. You picked an argument with her by saying negative things. She fairly responded. You clearly didn't like her repsonse to you. She asserted herself as well and had a good point.

You seem to like to throw things, but you don't seem to think it is alright to have to receive some mud in return.

You demeaned people as drunk, delusionional, and your tone came across as in disdain of others.

You really should look more carefully at this thread...I can't imagine this is an isolated event in your life.

I'm really not trying to offend you, I'm just looking at the posts objectively and give you some helpful feedback.

Have you ever heard, "Don't say anything unless you want to give your rival ammunition."?

It's a good motto to live by. Don't say things if you don't want people to pick at it - that's what people do. You do it and so did others.

Have a good weekend.


Posted by Mom, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 6:32 pm

No Pressure wrote , "Mom, which when I write your name I can't imagine you have any pride in that title..."

That's "basically saying nothing but that she loved the holidays?" I think not.

That is the first line of the first post she wrote.

I rest my case. Have a good weekend.


Posted by IMHO, a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jun 26, 2009 at 6:45 pm

"Mom"

She did write that as her first line, but she continued with, "after what you wrote..."

She was replying to your post. She gets to do that after what you wrote.

That is the point.

Thanks, I will.