Republicans need to take heart after their inexplicable defeat of a couple weeks past. Despite Gov. Mitt Romney's heartfelt promise to provide every American with the gift of a 20% tax cut, spoiled citizens rejected his magnanimous gesture. Instead, they went with the candidate who, face it, may not leave us with a country by the time 2016 rolls around, if roll around it even does what with promises of apocalyptic doom coming from the holy headquarters of our most respected evangelical faiths. It strains the credibility of all patriotic Americans. After shredding our Constitution and destroying our economy over the past four years, Barack Hussien Obama has now been unleashed to do the ultimate damage: Tax the wealthy among us such that their rates will return to what they were during George W. Bush's first years in office.
Meanwhile, those Americans who kicked the Romney gift-giving gift horse in the mouth persist in lavishing undeserved praise upon the Obama Administration's so-called accomplishments over the past first four years. Home prices are up, as is the market, unemployment is down, the economy improves at a steady rate (four years of sustained growth), under Obama's stewardship we avoided a second great depression, if not worse, college tuition loans are now more affordable for students, a Dream Act will allow many of our nation's children to partake of the American dream, our standing in the world has been greatly improved, Osama Bin Laden is dead ... and all the other pie-in-the-sky reveries dreamt up by liberals and their conspirators who comprise the lamestream media.
But 2016 looms, and all God-fearing Tea Party activists and Republicans alike must heed the call of freedom. The immediate task at hand is to develop a strategy for winning back the Oval Office in 2016. And in this respect, cautious optimism is warranted. For there are votes to be had next time around, albeit with maybe an obstacle or two along the way. (Satan works in mysterious ways.)
Perhaps we can regain the women we've been losing ever since ... well, ever since they began to vote, to enter the workforce with no consideration for the men whose jobs they were taking, and to think of themselves as having rights to do what they want with their bodies. I humbly submit that the best way to reclaim this largely ungrateful slice of the electorate (Mr. Rush Limbaugh refers to them ever so appropriately as FemiNazis) is to continue to hammer away at economic considerations. What good is having a college degree if you can't find a job that allows you to get out of work in time to pick up the kids at daycare, rush home to help kids with their homework while fixing dinner, picking up the husband's dirty underwear, and donning something sexy for after the kids go to bed and hubby has a couple of Martinis and maybe smokes a cigar or two?
Hispanics are another (admittedly unpalatable) targeted part of the electorate. The first thing we have to do is make sure those who aren't citizens are prevented from voting. Because that is a big reason why Obama was able to steal the election as he did. And blacks. The second thing is to block any Democratic effort to bring about immigration reform. Because we all know that new immigrants, for some unfathomable reason, tend to vote Democratic. As difficult to digest as this unhappy fact is, these new immigrants, dirty, ill-shaven ingrates who can barely speak English, fail to realize that they'll never become multimillionaires under a Democratic administration.
And yet another is young people. Many of them, after all, have a slow burn going because of how the Affordable Care Act, Obamacare, has them covered by their parents' insurance policies up to age 26. These young people realize that it's far better for them if they either go without coverage or pay for it themselves. Because that's what freedom is all about. This obviously was the essence of Romney's luminescent concession speech when he stressed that our Founding Fathers laid the principles for giving our children the freedom to go without health care. And of course we know that Obama, insofar as he attempts to get our freedom-loving youth signed up under his socialist plan, doesn't appreciate freedom but instead wants to put our children under a Soviet-style system designed to rescind tax cuts for the wealthy and other odious kinds of things. When he isn't golfing.
And what about African Americans? I personally think they're a bit too loud for our party, and besides, their presence would probably make too many of us uncomfortable. So, really, let the Democrats have them, thereby continuing our allegiance to the Confederate flag-waving secessionists in our midst.
So, the path to victory in 2016 is clear enough. And even if our women (or at least the slutty ones), our Mexicans, and our overly educated (indoctrinated) young people reject freedom, we can try to do what we've been best at over the past four years. Namely, we can trot out every trick in the book so as to obstruct and/or stall Obama's efforts. Because, face it, if he succeeds, the nation succeeds, people will be pleased, and our chances of securing the grand prize will be even further diminished. Best, then, that we do everything possible to make Obama's next four years a failure. That is the essence of freedom isn't it? Like the Founding Fathers intended? I think Sarah Palin said something like that. Hey, now there's an idea! Anybody up for a Sarah Palin/Ted Nugent ticket? Onward to a most certain victory! ... because we know what real Americans want.