Posted by B. Hemlund, a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Sign up for a spot on the Citizens' Police Academy, cause its an eye opener to see how many "domestic" calls the Police have to respond to for custody disputes. When parents (can't behave like mature adults) by court-order need to exchange the kids in the Police Department parking lot every Friday and Monday, you know these kids are going to grow up with issues.
When the Police Department gets a call, they have to respond, and take a report from the reporting party, witnesses, etc.
Suggest this father get a good lawyer, and document, document, document.
Posted by Been There..., a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 20, 2011 at 10:09 am
Sorry to hear that your child's best interest is not being placed in the forefront. I agree, that you need to obtain legal representation for yourself. I have a friend that obtained legal counsel from Cherie Davis Law offices in Livermore, (925) 449-8778 and I've seen first hand how she places the children's interest first and fights for the child and what is best for him/her within the guidelines of the CA law.
Good luck...and I'll keep you and your child in my prayers.
Posted by Parent, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 21, 2011 at 10:07 am
If mom's name is on the title and she hasn't "lost" access to the house in court proceedings, the house "by law" could be considered hers and therefore it isn't a break in. I agree with others - get good legal counsel. Police are sometimes bound by "legal codes" that don't make much sense to anyone.
Posted by reasonable, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Though I agree you need a good lawyer, please, for your own sake and the child's, try to find a trade off you can both agree to before you drive yourself into bankruptcy. I've seen first hand how much money and anger can be spent when both parties want "sole" custody and give nothing to the other parent. Even if they are not the best parent, the judge will eventually give both parents some rights. If you can get there through mediation you may save enough to pay for the kids' college, and save all of yourelves (including the kid) a lot of mental distress.
Posted by Mike, a resident of the Highland Oaks neighborhood, on Jun 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm
When couples fight, lawyers win.
Your perspective is, of course, your own; and I suspect your estranged wife has a different version of the situation. Take a good honest look at how things got to this point. If you two can step back from the anger, then you can seek middle ground and compromise.
Start, maybe, from the thought that if she wants custody, she must care greatly for the child.
Posted by Sonny Crockett, a member of the Walnut Grove Elementary School community, on Jun 21, 2011 at 5:57 pm
the WHOLE story IS NOT being told here, is it? The Pleasanton Police can only enforce by court orders that are written and agreed on by both parties and then signed by a Judge. The police can not make up the rules as they see fit. Brother, you are absolutely making up 100% of this story. Don't come here with that piece of fiction trying to disparage your ex-wife, and trying to drum up a little sympathy from the unknowing public. You than ask anyone familiar with the situation to not use your name!? Go back to court and stop this nonsense.
Posted by drdoug, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Jun 22, 2011 at 8:45 am
Having been through a custody battle environment in my past life, suffice it to say that everyone's emotions and best interests for the child or children are not remotely being maturely nor rationally managed. Each of you need to get help (emotionally and legally) and step out of the direct line of fire, since the continuation of this emotional fire will only hurt more.
The only thing that matters now is the establishment of a stable, safe, warm and happy life for the child or children. The existing immaturity will not help to quickly arrive the solution for the sake of the child/children, so it has to be taken out of your hands and into a deterministic process. If you are the proper person, then you should get yourself prepared to present, how within this process, you should be "maturely" chosen over anyone else.
Posted by mary, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 22, 2011 at 8:46 am
get a book called "divorce casualties" and read it.
get a decent lawyer who cares about the kid not the money.
sit down and write all the benefits the child has living in pleasanton, not w/ dad, but in pleasanton; ie: school, activities, no crime, swimming, friends, can bike and not worry, etc. etc..
we went thru something similar but worse, the police and the court are tied to the law here, that is the way the judge is. it has to be on paper and you need someone who knows the law. the judge does not care if she puts you in poverty paying a large amount to your ex, she does not care how you "feel" or the lies that are being told, all she cares about is the way it's filed, if it's on time and the law, she doesn't care about the kids or the families. BEWARE.
get a lawyer, the system is screwd and in Alameda County alone about 48k kids end up with the "wrong" parent, the abusive parent!
Posted by Single Father, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Thanks so much for all the responses..
Yes I needed and still need a good Lawyer and the financial situation hasn't allowed for this. Also, lawyers will suck $7000 plus out in one or two motions, responses and a court appearance.
There are TWO types of divorse, amicable and disasterous, ours is the second and the CHILD is HURT the MOST.
>> Step One
Yes the "system is biased!~ I raised this child 90% custody for nearly the first year while he mother partied... Clearly at around 40, a mid life crisis!
>> B. Hemlund
NO "Police reports" in over fourty responses, these have been primarily "fact finding missions"~ Yes, document..document..document
>> Been There
In councelinng at school and private - actually the child is doing better then expected considering, it's the pre teen years that worry me. I am 100% commited to the best interest. PPD has gone way beyond there scope and have TRIED to phisically remove the child to do an excnage in mis communication, with NO avail, I know the law and our rights. Some officers have a renaegde mentality. Clearly at the cholds mothers beck n call...
Responding Police inititally refused to even take a report.. "Report" reluctaltly taken days later after my pushing at higher levels. Police wouldn't interview witnesses or take pictures of the broken window. STILL very much pushing the matters as the mother accessed computer and my trail eveidence, a potential federal crime.
Thi is a rental and Police are not following the law, that's the problem. It's bias, it's unethical and its obsurd!
We can't agree on anything, the childs mother is an alcoholic and going out with a vindictive and childish biker ten years my junior who want's a phisical fight!
Spot on, Lawyers WANT the couple to be at odds! The entire "system" is broken and the children loose, totally. I need to think onn this and I have been trying to meet in the middle, that's why I stipulated to the mother having 40% custody from a 10% stanpoint for nearly a year. There are substantial parening issues sadly.
>> Sonny Crocket
The' whole story" can not be told here, it's way to complex, IT WOULDN'T BE PRUDENT AS LITIGATION CONTINUES AS DOES TRYING TO WORK ON A solutions with PPD ranking offoicers at this time! Yes, there are two sides, however a fight mentality, alcohol problems and a purely adult AGENDA, USING THE CHILD AS A WEAPON AT ANY COST IS JUST INSANE!
PPD has and DOES "MAKE UP RULES AS THEY SEE FIT" in this case AND THIS is THE BIGGEST ISSUE AT HAND AT THIS TIME!
>> SONNEY CROCKET, NONE OTHER THAN THE EX'S BOYFIRND, clearly ! Go have a drink! "MADE UP 10O%" O.K. chief wanna fist fight!~ Geez!~
When you can't see that you're constantly lied to and you endorse using a young child as a weapon to hurt the father, your a very sick individual.
>> Dr. Doug
Thank you and the judge has ruled that the child STAY in Pleasanton, NOT potetially with the mother and B.F. in a large local city in the bay Area! The child stays where they are supported by the cimmunity. If the mother has realized this was the most likely outcome, 90% of this insanity wouln't have likely taken place. Constant lies to Police and Police presence in front of the child, false allegations etc.
Note: PPD higer ranks are trying to work through this with mme at this time, not looking great for the child's mother.
P.S. To the mothers BF, remeber supoena power. Think and act wisely!
Posted by Parent, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 23, 2011 at 11:32 am
It is hard for any of us to give you suggestions when we cannot know the whole story. It sounds like you are doing the wisest and best you can in a very difficult situation. Unfortunately, the legal/judicial system in this country is in need of a major overhaul - those with the most money and highest priced lawyers usually win. I'm glad you have been able to get the higher brass at PPD to help you out. Hang tough and get support from your friends and if you have one; your faith community. Kudos for trying to put your child first.
Posted by Single Father, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 23, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Thank You! I have seen and been aware of several resources, this not being one of them. California Courts are horrendous for children. Lawyers are horrendous. A parent using a child as a tool, a weapon is most horrendous.
The Local Court has one of the worst rated Judges in all of California, making matters worse. California has a 50% custody presumption, short of abuse, child abuse etc. Emotional abuse is NOT considered sadly and can be worse than phisical. As I said, PPD has been more open to working with me since the mothers credibility has substantially declined with there office as well as with the court.
My contiued and unwaivering standing by my child's side 100% through all of this has had some notice, some fathers bail, I won't. I had 90% custody and today it is 50 percent, the child used as a tool, a weapon by the mother constantly and blatently. Police presence over 40 times in front of the child. False allegations and more. PPD is no longer responding to the child's mother, after a lot of communication with superiors. The child's mother is not credible and frinally the Police and Courts are recognising this.
You seem to know just how tough it can be, thank you. Lawyers, yes really a scam and often make matters much worser indeed. Yes PPD higher brass is now starting to realise the issues as they are and to take action, or rather discontiue 'taking action" out of major confusion and the motherts constant ongoing allegations and requests for "assistance", the past being her using Police to harrass the child's father in front of the child.
Faith and friends are the backing support, yes, thank you. As a single father, you know the fathers love for a child is unwaivering and it is really tough as the man, in a system biased against fathers.
Posted by unknown, a resident of another community, on Jun 24, 2011 at 9:47 am
Dear single father,
I have a friend that is going through the exact same thing as you. He has been going through this for years. He gets very frustrated at the court system and the ex-girlfriend for using the child as the weapon just like your ex-wife does. The court system sucks.
Like I tell him live day by day because karma will strike her.
Good luck I hope better things work out for you and your child. :)
Posted by Single Father, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 24, 2011 at 10:40 am
It seem to me just cruel and insane for a parent to blatently use a child who is already suffering the loss of the traditional family, as a weapon to hurt the father at any cost. Purely an adult focused agenda, at the cost of a child!
Involving Police countless times with the child present is just insane, done purely to harrass the father using the system. Using Police as quasi custody councelors constantly, not their job. Finally, Police will no longer respond to the mothers enless calls and countless grievences and allegations. The damage to the child is insurmountable.
The court finally ruled that the child remain in Pleasanton School District indefinately. The childs mother's heart and priorities are in San Jose and she is obsorbed in an adult lifestyle.
Seems that the mother as stated many times has a n agenda focused purely on revenge for my having has 90% custody for nearly a year, due to substatial concerns mothers with regard to the mothers parenting. These concerns remain and even more so, however california has a long term presumption for 50/50 custody. Time will tell.
It's really tough, a daily struggle, however NEVER would I place ANYTHING OR ANYONE ahead of our childs needs.
Thank you for your words, I think I know this father that you refer to?
Posted by Been there, done that., a resident of Livermore, on Jun 25, 2011 at 11:03 am
Dear Single Dad,
I also went throuh a disastrous divorce where my ex used our children as a weapon and they suffered tremendously. He was incredibly manipulative and a "user" of many people in our marriage, then he did the same with our innocent children in the divorce.
All I can say is hang in there and document everything. Protect your child the best that you can. Your Ex will most likely discredit herself as mine did. He would not cooperate with the court or mediator and therefore lost custody.
Another thing that is important is to never say anything bad about your ex in front of your child. This is their mother and they will always remember it if you do. I had a very hard time remembering that when my children were young. Now they are in their mid to late 20s and they tell me how much it hurt when they heard their dad calling me names or saying bad things about me and they tell me they remember that I never did say anything bad about him.
Your child is only young a very short time and even though it is rough what you are going through right now, hang in there. It seems like things are turning around a bit in your favor.