Open Forum about under age drinking Schools & Kids, posted by Parent keeping teens sober, a member of the Amador Valley High School community, on Jun 24, 2010 at 9:08 pm
I am a Dad of a Highschool student. I am sick at how much drinking and drugs go on right under our nose. Its on campus, vodka in water bottles while in class, its at parties where parents are home BUT kids still come home drunk. It's the honor role kids as well as the kids fighting for a degree. IT'S BAD....REAL BAD
We need, as parents, to keep each other informed of the places AND homes when we know, hear about it. Let's not do a MADD lets do a PODD (Parents on drinking n drugs) POST WHAT U KNOW. The safe place to drink or drug if your a teen.
Posted by Parenting, a resident of the Carlton Oaks neighborhood, on Jun 24, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Perhaps parents should stop teaching their children to drink by skipping that glass of wine at the dinner table or the glass of congnac after a meal or those extra size beer at the ballpark. Your children are good at imitating what YOU do. It's hard for them not to drink when they constantly see their parents having fun while drinking. Just my 2 cents.
Posted by Cholo, a resident of Livermore, on Jun 24, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Parents will need to play hard ball to save the lives of their children.
The lives of your kids are more important than what others say about you for turning in the parents who don't care of your kids get high in their homes. Don't let irresponsible parents decide what happens to your family. You have a right to call the shots.
Incidentally, drugs and alcohol have nothing to do with the honor roll.
Posted by M., a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 3:22 am M. is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Parent keeping teens sober
I am thrilled that you decided to make this post, and start a dialog about teens drinking and using drugs. I'm not even going to get on my soap box, as much as I want to I will resist. Here are a few places that I regularly see kids using, selling, or drinking.
The rail crossing at St. Mary Street kids have been seen selling weed from time to time, right out in the open.
Under the rail bridge in the Arroyo Del Valle, many kids on a nearly daily basis sit and use their weed, meth, and drink their liquor. They generally make a mess,play chicken with the train, or climb to the top of the bridge. drug sales are also a regular occurrence in this spot. The entire place is littered with broken bottles, drug bags and the standard remanence of assorted juvenile mischief.
One of the local drug dealers lives in the apartment building on ____ ____ street, which is common knowledge throughout the downtown area.
There are more but these are the active ones I see regularly when I am out about town.
The problem is simply that people either are not paying attention, and simply do not notice, or they do notice but say nothing out of fear, or they just don't want to get involved.
In the end, yes drinking and drug use is rampant in Pleasanton, but I'm not sure if it is any worse here than in any other city, teens do this stuff, they always have and they more than likely always will. That does not mean we should not strive to curb these kinds of activities, which pose great danger to our young people who do not have enough experience in life to foresee the consequences and true dangers of such risky behavior.
Posted by Open you eyes, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 7:43 am
The funny thing is that when I approached a parent about their child who offerered my daughter weed...they were in total denial...their son is a honor student, is quiet but is not that popular.. said he does it to fit in.. how sad is that...parent who I have known for 12 years no longer speaks to me said I was spreading rumors.. mind you I only approached her about this no one else...so being responsible and caring for other peoples children doesn't always work if the other parent is not willing to see beyond their perfect little children.
Posted by nosey mom, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 8:19 am
Wow, we are going through this right now. I am a very nosey mom who just recently caught my son with mj. I also busted a couple of other kids- I don't care who doesn't like me, if I know something I refuse to turn away and ignore it. It is rampant, and although it is nothing new, nor is it "worse" in Pleasanton, it still needs our attention!! My lord, check your kids facebook- the amount of pictures and drug references are frightening. I finally deleted my kids account because if you sat there and read that all day, YOU'D think it was normal, too!
But what I find most disturbing is the parents who allow it, who are ok with it in their home. It's insane. Come on, people- wake up.
As far as places, all I know is there are tunnels and the Arroyo. Wish the police would check those places more regularly.
Posted by hm, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 9:01 am
As much as I 100% with your concern, lets not make this into a public outing of all the houses and families in P-town where this is going on. Maybe Parent Keeping Teens Sober can post an email address or something like that where people can send in info. I am very active in this community and know that this goes on all the time but you'd also be surprised at how many parents think that their kid NEVER does drugs or drinks and will gladly try and out other families where they think it happens, but little do they know it is happening right under their own roof. Get my drift? Maybe sending Pleasanton PD a letter with the houses is a better idea.
Posted by concerned effort, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 10:40 am
Here's one of the contradictions I see with Pleasanton parents. Fast story: Christian parents, home schooled children, perfect angels right? Wrong. The daughter was Make-Out queen in high school, went on the brag about the number of men she had through college. Younger brother sells pot. Police called, parents in a rage. "Not my child". Principal at HS and police back down (dad was a lawyer). Another parent when finding out his kid was sexually abusing girlfriend: "I don't want anything to ruin my kids record and his chances for going to college". Pressure on, no enforcement. Another wealthy parent, owns business, her kid beats up another kid at a party. Lots of money, no charges, nothing happens, they go to the Giants games for reward. It's denial and negligence, but wealthy people just won't accept their responsibility.
Posted by maja7, a resident of the Vintage Hills Elementary School neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 11:00 am
It comes down to parenting. What kind of relationship have you built with your children over their lifetime? I don't think it's necessary that parents stop having their glass of wine at dinner, beer at the ballgame, etc. That's responsible drinking. The children of this generation need to see that example, responsible, legal drinking.
Parents may be turning a blind eye to their teen's behavior because it takes energy and time to know what your children are doing. Lots of parents are working long hours, dating and just plain checked-out. Talking to parents about their teenagers is usually a losing conversation, anyhow. If you know of a place where drugs are sold, alcohol is being consumed by under-age people, I would think you need to get the Pleasanton Police involved. You could probably leave the information anonymously.
Bottom line is we all as parents need to know where our children are, who they are with and keep them accountable for their actions.No one ever said parenting would be easy.
Posted by PADD, a resident of the Foxborough Estates neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 11:34 am
Thanks for giving me this place to deal with this.My daughter was at a pool party last week at [portion deleted]. They (girls ) were up in the bedroom drinking vodka. Same girl is having a party tonight. My daughter isn't going. Good parents. I just. Can't tell them or my daughter will be mud with Hey friends
Posted by Parent, a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 11:48 am
I believe as parents whose kids were invited to this party should tell their kids they cant go....I surely will tell mine now...kids will hate me but oh well...sad thing she looks like a nice girl [portion removed because it refers to another deleted portions]?
Posted by Pleasanton Parent, a resident of the Pleasanton Meadows neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 1:45 pm
This is an excellent first step. Making people aware of what is going on is important. Now the question is what are we going to do about it. Obviously providing this information to the police and schools is a good step, but we cannot rely on them to perform a responsibility that is primarily ours. My suggestion is the biggest deterent is to make these areas no longer welcome for this type of activity by making a presence known at them. Some will find new places, and then the effort will need to be moved to highlight those areas as well, but some will get discouraged or just won't start to begin with.
For areas that are difficult to reach - I would recommend leaving a sign that says, "smile, you're on camera" whether one exists or not, making it known that the activity taking place there is not acceptable and is known would distract a lot of kids.
Likewise, if a neighbor is having a party where drinking is taking place. In addition to calling the police, walk outside and take pictures of all the license plates of the vehicles on the street.
Posted by Mom 2, a resident of the Nolan Farms neighborhood, on Jun 25, 2010 at 10:40 pm
This is such a good discussion.
We parents should go to the city and ask for a Social Host Ordinance. Right now if parents are serving under aged minors in their home, the PD cannot do anything. Adults want be friends with teens rather than responsible adults. People forget that teens brains are still developing. Ah, plus it is illegal.
The drugs and alcohol issue is huge, but so many are in denial. Parents please parent and police please police. The city provides school resource officers at our middle and high schools. They work in our schools full time and are full fledge police officers. I am sure they would be happy to take anonymous tips or you can answer any questions you may have. They are very easy to talk to. it is widely known you can get any drug you want on our high school campuses.
Amador, Village, Harvest Park
Officer Roy Gamez
Foothill, Pleasanton Middle, Hart
Officer Erik Silacci
Yes, parents let's stick together. It is up to us. Check those Facebook accounts, text messages, do not give your kids anymore money than they need. If they are going to a friends house, call and make sure the parents are home. This issue does not discriminate. Drug and alcohol use happens at school as young as 6th graders. Buy drug test kits at the drug store and use them.
Everyone hushes this stuff all up. Everyone is worried about their reputations. The first day of school at Foothill 25 leadership kids had an all nighter at someone house. Apparently the parents were home and the kids stayed up all night and drank. Some then drove to school. I heard 6 were over the legal driving alcohol levels. The parents that allowed this - what were they thinking? This could ruin a chance for a kid to get into a private college. The kids that drove to school in the AM and put themselves in danger and also all the others on the road. This topic just makes my blood boil.
Posted by M., a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 26, 2010 at 12:34 am M. is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
This topic is turning into a great conversation one of the best we have had here on the PW forums in a great while.
Here is a little tidbit, a drug conviction for selling or possessing illegal drugs can disqualify a student for FSA (Federal Student Aid).
It won't automatically be a denial of aid, but it can disqualify can applicant.
I think the issue is a little deeper than parents just wanting to be friends with their teens and their teen's friends. While I am sure that is part of the issue, part of it also is about parents wanting to stay connected to the younger generation, and not be or feel locked out. Indeed this is a delicate balance that must be found, and not an easy task I am sure.
Nobody wants to see their child doing something dangerous, or criminal, or just flat out stupid. People will try to deny, defend, and pretend. Others may just get flat out angry if confronted about their child using drugs. Nobody wants to hear someone call their baby ugly, and accusations founded or otherwise amount to exactly that.
As such I don't really think the direction we as a community should take is that of an accusative nature. What we should do in my opinion is to bring the topic into the light of day, destigmatize the entire conversation. If people are not embarrassed, or ashamed it will be easier to see the reality, and seek help in finding a real solution. Education that works, and effective communication with teens and amongst adults would be a great start.
Lastly, we are talking about teens, and teens are rebellious. Often times even an implied threat of disciplinary action is added fuel for misbehavior, after all teens are just learning to stretch their wings, as they begin to develop their adult selves. Part of that is no longer bowing automatically to authority, in fact doing the exact opposite is often the result. Make it worth their time to not use or drink, but make sure it is something they view as worth their time, not something us old out of touch people think they would want. Just remember teens are still immortal in their own minds and consequences are an abstract distant concept for many of them. Unless that all has changed sense I was a teen, but I have a feeling it has not.
Posted by resident, a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jun 27, 2010 at 9:54 am
Good job with the postings but how about some actual names of these parents serving up drinks and drugs. There was one family in Ruby Hill that was named, they were selling tickets to the party! Low-lifes!
Kids thinking that they can do drugs now and clean up later better reconsider. There are employers who require polygraphs for all applicants and they ask some pretty startling questions. Such as: not "do you NOW use any drugs?", but "have you EVER used any illegal drugs?" I was asked that very question and thankfully was able to say no. Just because kids are young and stupid does not guarantee them a pass later in life.
Parents need to spread the exact info about who lets this stuff happen and then keep their kids away from those places. Punishment for failure to comply with no-drugs/no-drinking house rules needs to be draconian enough to matter. And then do it! Be the parent!
Posted by Eyes Wide Open Now, a member of the Amador Valley High School community, on Jun 29, 2010 at 11:30 am
I had a scary incident with my son, and found out he had been taking an over-the-counter medication called Coricidin. The kids, he tells me, call it Triple C. When I went online to investigate it, I found a weight calculator that someone posted, which allows you to enter you weight and find out exactly how many you need to take to get high. My son tells me many, many kids take it, and that he found out about it at school. It's cheap, legal, and doesn't show up in blood or urine tests. It can cause severe liver damage, and can kill you. In fact, the box has a parental warning. Check your kids rooms and backpacks for these pills.
Posted by 3, a resident of the Deer Oaks/Twelve Oaks neighborhood, on Jun 30, 2010 at 12:33 pm 3 is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
I cant believe how self-centered and disrespectful parents of Pleasanton are. You shouldn't purposely state names of kids who have been drinking or have had drinking occur at their houses. they are minors and for their privacy, dont use their names. Giving their adresses and first and last names.... that's not right because now parents are going to get the wrong impression of some nice kids.
Posted by somerandomkid, a resident of the Pleasanton Meadows neighborhood, on Jun 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm somerandomkid is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
parents need to calm down and understand it drinking happens everywhere. most of the parents of kids in highschool were in highschool during the 60's and 70's. thats when LSD was getting big and the hippy movement anyone remember woodstock 1969?? the biggest hippy event of ALL TIME. also to the parent who put the name of that teenage girl i hope you feel horrible how would you feel if your child's name was on a forum that the entire town could see? now every high strung parent in this town is going to think she is a horrible person. She is one of the 3,000 high school kids and you have to single her out? that's terrible. Also notice how the last 8 posts were removed they were all high school kids trying to give their opinion and you won't let them? every kid in this town has freedom of speech so give it to them and let them speak. all this stuff about us parents need to fix this your never going to it has been happening since the 30's all of the parents on here have had their parents be in their lives and i'm sure it didn't make any of you parents feel good so stop doing it to your children its just wrong. I still can't believe parents put names and addresses in their post. just remember just because they are your kid doesnt mean their an angel.
Posted by Kurt Kessler, a resident of the Carlton Oaks neighborhood, on Jun 30, 2010 at 3:54 pm Kurt Kessler is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Dear PADD and “Parent, a resident of the Downtown neighborhood”,
We were just made aware of this post. First of all I applaud parents for communicating to protect their children, however posting a child’s name on this Forum is wholly inappropriate. She is a minor. I seriously question your parenting skills if you think this is the right course of action. Our daughter who you mentioned e not only looks like a nice girl, she is a nice, considerate girl and we couldn’t be more proud of her. We are the parents for the minor you mentioned and we do not condone underage drinking. If fact, she was at a at a friend’s house last night and called to be picked up because there was drinking. Our daughter doesn’t drink and doesn’t want to be around it.
A week after the end of year party, our daughter came back from church camp and let us know that girls drank in her room. Her friends at camp told her what had happened ; she didn’t know until then. She was very upset and felt taken advantage of. Children are cleaver and will sneak alcohol if they want it. The parents of the children who did this need to control their children and take responsibility for their actions. We patrolled the party however we did not conduct a “pat down” of the children attending.
It would also be more constructive to call us instead posting our daughters name in this forum. It is cowardly to make a post like this and not include your name. It shows a lack integrity. Your child, if they were at the party are sophomores. I hope for his or her sake that when something negative happens in their life, a parent doesn’t decide to post their name in this or any other forum.
Because of the actions of a few, I will not allow a get together of more than few teenage friends at our home, as large groups of children cannot be trusted.
Posted by Amador Parent, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Jun 30, 2010 at 9:40 pm Amador Parent is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Although I agree that this is something that we, the parents of this community, need to talk openly about, I do NOT agree with names being put in these posts. This community is not very big and it's unfair to single out one person's party. There are many parties that go on, which involve alcohol and minors. Most of the time, the host's parents aren't even aware there is alcohol. The kids are pros at hiding it. Why do you think there's alcohol at school? Many put vodka in their water bottles, so no one catches on.
Instead of making it a witch hunt, why not just look withing your own home and set the limits that teenagers need. Our kids may be angry with us, but in the long run, they'll appreciate it. I'm dealing with this right now. My teen isn't happy about the limits we've set, but there is no choice but to live with them. If my teen doesn't, there will be consequences. That is our job as a parent.
Let's work together as a community, not against each other.
By the way, great letter, Kurt. I don't know you or your family, but I applaud you for standing up for yourself and them.
Posted by Pleasanton Parent, a resident of the Pleasanton Meadows neighborhood, on Jul 1, 2010 at 11:18 pm Pleasanton Parent is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Posted by 3, Kurt Kessler, Amador Parent,
I couldn't disagree with you more. You're more worried about the community's perception than investigating the issue being addressed. You are correct that every parent has the responsibility for their own child, but if you invite kids into your home to host a party you better damn well be aware of what is going on as you are responsible for the activities taking place under your roof. With that said, I agree if parents know the names of the kids involved, or the parents, it is always better to contact them directly. However, using this forum to make other parents aware of what is going on (and who it involves) should not be discouraged.
I suggest you learn when Freedom of Speech applies (I'll give you a hint, online forums run by private companies don't count).
Posted by 420_247, a resident of the Val Vista neighborhood, on Jul 3, 2010 at 2:25 pm 420_247 is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
i think that the situation was handled poorly on "a parent keeping teens sober" part. to be completely honest with you all teens are sneaky. and majority of teens drink alcohol, alcohol is a drug that many teens use influenced by there parents or older siblings. we all have know that alcohol has been being use illegally since the 30's and as to if its okay for teens to be using it, i think that in a scenario that it comes down to how well you raised your kid. for an example a freshman in high school finds themselves at a party with there friends who are all drinking so your innocent teen decides to partake in the activities. now your son or daughter has had one to many and feels sick with alcohol poisoning or dosent have a safe ride home do you feel that if your always on the Internet blogging the newest ways to suffocate your children is going to make them feel close enough to come to you in a time of desperate need? no they wont they will put themselves in dangers way just to stay out of trouble from you. now whose the smart one in this situation? the understanding parent who can talk to there child or the parent who blogs names on an internet site for the whole world to see?
Posted by M., a resident of the Downtown neighborhood, on Jul 4, 2010 at 1:21 am M. is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Congratulations parents of Pleasanton on yet again missing entirely the point. For once we had a productive discussion on our forums where we were sharing ideas and information. I guess nothing lasts forever, but this is just too far. What on earth would possess someone to post the name and addresses of people on the internet? Do you people even have any idea how much harm you could have done?
The entire point, which clearly you missed, was not to start a long list of adult/kids who violate drug laws but to have a discussion on the topic, learn new ways to help find a meaningful solution to the issue.
No, that wasn't good enough was it? It had to turn in to an excuse to cross the line and start putting the names and addresses of kids out there. There is a reason people do not divulge the names or personal information of minors, you should keep that in mind.
Once again Pleasanton's culture of intolerance and over reaction rears its ugly head. 3 made an excellent point, and stated it perfectly "I can't believe how self-centered and disrespectful parents of Pleasanton are." Because apparently making mistakes means one should be removed from polite society even as a child, I'm glad you were such a perfect child growing up, but not everyone was or is for that matter. Not all parents are perfect, hence the point again of this thread. It was all about discussing the issues in a productive way in order to find some common ground, offer advice etc... Not out people by placing their personal information of the god damned internet for all to see.
I however am not so nice. Get you head out of your @&& and stop running roughshod over other people's privacy and ability to function as a child or adult in this god forsaken world. Once, again thank you so much for fully destroying this productive thread, and proving once again how intolerant and punitively obsessed Pleasanton can be.
Posted by Pleasanton Parent, a resident of the Pleasanton Meadows neighborhood, on Jul 4, 2010 at 11:35 am Pleasanton Parent is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Your anger and frustration are justified, but you're directing it at the wrong audience.
How many kids do you think attended that party and told their parents that Mr. and Mrs. Kessler would be hosting? How many parents do you think let their kids go because they understood this party would be supervised? Do you think the kids are going to return to their parents stating that drinking/drugs were taking place while the parents were on watch? Most will not. So how else would you like the community to learn what parents are actively supervising a party and what ones are not?
No, instead you should direct your frustration at Mr. and Mrs. Keller for doing a poor job supervising this event. I would be interested in the conversation they had with their daughter regarding this thread:
"Honey, I'm so mad at the poster who posted your name and stated kids were drinking at our house"
or was it:
"You're grounded. I don't agree with posting personal information online, but we trusted you to control your guests. Do you understand what could have happened to one of your friends if they drove home and got into an accident? Do you understand that if that happened we could be held liable? Next time, if there is a next time, we hope you show better judgement in who you invite"
I'm guessing it was not the later........and this is what you should be upset about.
Posted by LongLivePotter, a resident of the Old Towne neighborhood, on Jul 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm LongLivePotter is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
what we really need to do is confront Lord Voldemort because he is the one that is brainwashing our kids with potions and such to make them drink and do drugs because he is evil. we all need to send an owl for Potter to venture over to our town so he can defeat Lord Voldemort and the towne of Pleasanton will be safe once more, free of drugs and alcohol. but not free of boredomness. theres never anything to do anyways and everything costs too much for kids to pay for it