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Walking is wrong for Pleasanton and America

Original post made by Buford, Birdland, on Feb 13, 2010

It's a well known fact that America is a vehicle-based society. Any true American spends at least 50% of his time driving around in his pick-up truck or Hummer SUV. America was designed for highways, multi-lane roads, fast-food drive-thrus, and strip malls with huge parking lots. For all intents and purposes, the only time you should be walking is the few steps you have to take from your parking spot to your destination & back.

Any time somebody walks more than 300 feet is essentially an act of complete disregard for American values. There are of course, a few exceptions to this rule, as we shall now discuss:

- Hunting in the backwoods: Don't get me wrong, ideally, a true American will simply sit in the bed of a truck with a rifle while our buddy drives through the woods. However sometimes the terrain gets a little rough and we are forced to put our feet on the ground as we go searchin for game. Usually we won't stray too far from the vehicle cuz that's where we keep the cooler full of beer, but sometimes we get caught up in the hunt and venture past that 300 foot limit.

- Attending a Football game or NASCAR race: Obviously parking lots at stadiums & racetracks are pretty big, and the distance from your truck to your seat is probably further than 300 feet. Note that this distance is only justified if you have spent at least 3 hours tailgating and have consumed at least 2000 calories of beer and red meat prior to beginning your walk.

Combat Training: Recommended edcuation curriculum for America's youth; at some point in all of our lives we should be taught how to defend our great nation. There may come times when we need to chase down illegal immigrants or terrorists, in which case it is acceptable to surpass the 300 foot limit.

- Marching in a GOP Parade: I know what you're thinking..."Buford, who the hell marches in a GOP parade? We all ride down the street in Fire Trucks, Limos, Hot Rods, Ford F-350s, and Hummers"...Good point. My mistake. I am sorry to have made such a glaring unpatriotic oversight. I will now accept my punishment of being forced to attend a yoga class in Mill Valley, CA. That will slap some American sense into me!

Comments (9)

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Posted by Sara
a resident of Downtown
on Feb 14, 2010 at 8:44 am

Wow. Just wow!


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Posted by Pleasanton Parent
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 14, 2010 at 1:54 pm

1/10 - message/content
1/10 - humor
1/10 - creativity

Total score - 1/10


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Posted by COURTEOUS walker
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Feb 14, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Sarcasm is rather petty. Anybody can walk, as long as they practice safe, RESPONSIBLE walking. Any 2 feet can stop faster than any 2 Ton vehicle ! Don't abuse pedestrian rights. Exercise basic, responsible, personal safety. Don't walk behind a blind car in a parking lot. Don't step off any curb without checking traffic conditions. Always stay within designated pedistrian areas....not vehicle paths.


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Stacey Joe
a resident of Carriage Gardens
on Feb 14, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Please stop allowing yourselves to be baited by posts like these. Ignore them and eventually they'll go away; reply and you feed the troll


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Sal
a resident of Downtown
on Feb 15, 2010 at 8:26 am

Love how this post seems to get under the skin of conservatives(Pleasnton Parent). Classic!


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Little Mikey
a resident of Birdland
on Feb 15, 2010 at 9:40 am

It is a proven fact that conservatives lack the sarcasm and humor genes.


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Pleasanton Parent
a resident of Pleasanton Meadows
on Feb 15, 2010 at 6:58 pm

Sal,

Fiscally you are correct, I am a conservative. Socially, I consider myself fairly liberal. I just find this post about as effective as the UAW protests in front of Toyota dealerships. But hey, you keep signing those email petitions you get thinking your armchair activism is going to do anything.


 +   Like this comment
Posted by SteveP
a resident of Parkside
on Feb 16, 2010 at 11:16 am

SteveP is a registered user.

Sal, are you planning on walking to Massachusetts anytime soon? I hear that someone there stole the Kennedy's seat...


 +   Like this comment
Posted by teacher
a resident of Downtown
on Feb 18, 2010 at 8:22 am

WTF?


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