Balloon Boy Rescued by Bat Boy!
Original post made by Douglas Kendall, Downtown, on Oct 16, 2009
Lariat County Sheriff Al-Dendron explained that Levon likes his money, makes a lot they say, and was spending the day counting it in the garage by the motorway. The boy, who helps in the family cartoon balloon business, normally blows up balloons all day. The father Levon, disgusted with townsfolk laughing behind his back at him just being a cartoon balloon freak, was building a flying saucer in the backyard, balloon powered of course, because balloons are all Levon really knows. Now the boy was mischievous, and after work every now and then would press a remote control actuator that opened the roof skylight of Levon's downtown business releasing all the inventory, and then laughing merrily sitting on the porch swing watching them fly high up into the Colorado sky, high enough that everyone high enough in neighboring Boulder thought they'd all once again seen the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and the Beatles levitating.
Lately, the boy embraced the Plants Rights Activism movement and became a terrorist in support of the rubber plant, which Levon was clearly abusing. The boy then threatened his mother with a box cutter and high jacked the family flying saucer intending to crash it into the wooden ranger tower at the top of Pikes Peak, killing all the rangers and hopefully any nearby nature lovers, in protest over the abuse of the trees used for the tower. 18 other plants' rights terrorists had high jacked other balloons intending to take down several other Colorado mountain peaks as well. The 18, all purists of the most moral sort, spurned rubber balloons in favor of balloons made of silk panty hose. But the ill-fated 18 were brought down when their balloons were all popped by a squadron of insect rights' activists, said Sheriff Al-Dendron (also founder of the local chapter for plants' rights activism Local #847).
Well! As soon as the NATIONAL ENQUIRER -- that last bastion of objective journalism in America -- found out about this, they knew there was only one thing to do. They lugged his cage out back, let him sniff a sample of Levon's balloon rubber, provided him with a GPS, and released BAT BOY.
Meanwhile, Levon's boy was only 6 and could not read the owner's manual very well, so the flying saucer was just going in circles around the backyard. Bat Boy landed on the balloon to take a breather, his talons popped it, and down they all went into the backyard where Bat Boy immediately grabbed the boy by the scruff of his neck, bit his neck, and vociferously began to proselytize rodents' rights activism.
by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl
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:-) <-- Required humor impairment warning.