TEL AVIV – Israeli Minister of Defense, General Joshua Samson, has announced that if the world fails to impose strict economic sanctions against Iran by Christmas (traditional Israeli date for ultimatums), Israel will have no choice but to attack America.
The plucky little nation, stubbornly clinging to its indefinitely tentative foothold in the otherwise completely Arabic muddleast, has a long history of surprise invasions. They caught the Palestinians completely by surprise during the initial invasion of 1948. But, they had the paperwork to back it up. In 1956, the Egyptians, while innocently dozing one afternoon in the cool shade of the pyramids, were caught by a surprise Israeli invasion. In the 1973 Yom Kippur War, Israel invaded the formidable country of Yom Kippur. Five times in the 1980’s Israel bombed then invaded Bulgaria, in response to the growing level of eastern European email spam.
American cities all along the Atlantic coast are already preparing to defend themselves by entering into intense negotiations with American Jews, who, it is hoped, have the greatest chance of talking the Israelis into turning around and going home to petition the presently amazingly generous American Congress into sliding over a little extra foreign aid -- just a couple three billion or so ... wouldn’t want to be greedy.
by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl