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My son just graduated a Pleasanton middleschool,

and now needs to kick his ecstasy habit because he's starting high school, okay?

So, he talked me into a bike-to-a-hotel weekend with Dad.

WHAT A BLAST!! As I write this fresh belletrism, I am sitting within the Business Center at the SIERRA HOTEL in Danville, where we arrived after biking from PLEASANTON along the IRON HORSE TRAIL.

(Check out my upcoming blog PRATTLE & TATTLE in a few days for the shocking history of the IHT.) The bike ride was several miles, but very easy for me since my son is 14 and tows without problem. (I have to quickly unhook whenever he turns aroung, though. But I learned rope and quick release from my time as a rodeo clown.)

Now, (CAN YOU SMELL IT??!) waiting outside is the FREE breakfast buffet with a hot bin of scrambled eggs piled as high as.. as high as the gold in Oprah's treasure chamber! (I just saw the picts of this that Michelle just posted on her blog -- Oprah blue toothed them over to her during their recent junket to Europe to lobby the Olympic Committee to have the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janitorial (sic) -- THOSE TWO PRACTICAL JOKESTERS!! They sure pulled a fast one on old Barry, dn't they now?! Oprah's pretty big on practical joking -- she's pretty big on everything -- she's so big that she has her own horizon; why, she's so big, she can eclipse God -- but I know she'd never do that.

ANYWAY, the hotel is only $92 out-the-door for the night!

And the frigging room! It's got everything -- a fridge, a toaster, a dishwasher, and the hotel staff does your dishes for you!

So, father-and-son ordered Italian food delivered to our room, and stuffed ourselves with pizza and spagetti while watching Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood (Oo! Oo! Oo! <-- loud male bonding grunting sounds.) and then passed out. CRAP! We were tooooo stuffed to even go buy TollHouse icecream cookies down in the hotel store open 24 hours. (This is so much fun, I gotta bring the wife -- I'll entice her with the promise of a chick flick, pasta, and I'll have a surprise Tollhouse icecream cookie waiting under her pillow! (And don't get me started on how many pillows the room has! Hey, gives me an idea... ;-)

Now, folks, I'm only writing this 'cause when I was just getting coffee, I met the totally friendly manager of this joint, and he said that he'll personally set up any more family bicyclists from Pleasanton into the Presidential Suite up on the 18th floor. The Royal Suite is presently occupied by Michelle and Oprah who just biked up from Montecito (not on bicycles, silly!, on their Harleys!) 'cause they plan to lobby the Olympic Committee to do Danville for the 2016 *winter* Olympics.

Unfortunately, I then revealled my true identity as Douglas Kendall, and now the cops are at the door of this Business Center to 'escort' me off the premises -- geez, must they pound so loud! I'M TRYING TO WRITE HERE!!...