You might be a Republican if you believe:
Original post made by Republican Values, Downtown, on Aug 9, 2009
… you think the right to life ends at birth.
… you think that corporations have more compassion than humans.
… you think trickle down economics actually trickles down.
… you understand that getting people to vote on abortion issues will keep you in office and let you pass tax cuts for the upper class.
You think that the best way to protect people from illegal drugs is to put them in prison.
You think "compassionate conservatism" is when you feel sorry for the homeless guy sleeping in the gutter as you step over him on your way to a $1000 a plate fundraiser for Tom Delay.
You are opposed to increasing the minimum wage and in favor of repealing taxes on inherited wealth.
You are opposed to Affirmative Action in college admissions and attended a private university as a "legacy."
You really believe that cutting taxes increases government revenues.
You believe in "Liberty and Justice for All" (rich, white, straight men)
You rant and rave about Liberals but have never actually met any.
You actually think that Fox News does not "spin."
You are rotating so fast that you think Fox News is standing still and the rest of the world is spinning.
You dodged the draft during Viet Nam (with Daddy's help) and now you question the courage and patriotism of men who came back with medals (and scars) and understand wars are bad.
You think that a president lying about getting a blowjob is far more serious than a president lying about the reasons for starting a war.
You think it is treasonous for a newspaper to report that the government is lying, using torture, invading someone's privacy or breaking the law but think it's okay for them to expose the identity of a covert CIA agent for partisan purposes.
You might be a right-wing Republican if you don't know that if it weren't for the French, we'd have lost the American Revolution.
you're for tax cuts for the rich because you actually believe that one day you'll be rich.
You might be a right-wing Repugnant, oops, I mean Republican, if you're against abortion but don't give a damn about those babies once they're born.
you try to make it complicated, but all Jesus was really saying was "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you."
you think that (compared to you), a whiskey-guzzling, coke-sniffing, draft-dodging loser is the cream of the American crop and the best this country could offer up for President.
you believe you protect freedom by sacrificing it.
You think Liberal slant is bad, but think Right Winger
slant is just fine
You can't see that claiming everyone else is a
communist while your party's color is red is being
You claim that speaking out against a president just
because he's George W Bush is un-American and
unpatriotic, yet speaking out against Clinton even
though he was president is being a good, patriotic
You believe that Ted Kennedy should be condemned for
Chappaquiddick, but Laura Bush should be forgiven for
killing her ex-boyfriend while she was driving.
You don't see that if the Dixie Chicks had been
commenting on Clinton, you would be praising them
instead of trashing their CDs.
The 'lefty liberal Hollywood types' don't have the
right to criticize Dubya's policy's and/or decisions,
but the right-winger control freaks can criticize
Clinton all they want
A person protesting against W is un-patriotic,
un-American and should be shot, but a person
protesting against Clinton is merely exercising his
first amendment right
You believe that the worst Republican in the world is
better than the best Democrat.
Abortion is murder, but killing the children in Iraq
is liberating them
Clinton getting a blow job by a woman not his wife is
an impeachable offense, but starting a war of lies by
W, allowing prisoners to be tortured and taking
freedoms away from your own countrymen is not.
You tell us to "get over it" because Bush took a
second term, but you still haven't gotten over
Clinton, Liberals and France.
You believe that W is a 'man of God' although he does
everything Christianity tells us NOT to do.
You are offended by Clinton's extramarital affair, but
aren't concerned when W starts wars on lies and has
thousands of innocents killed because of it.
...You think NPR should be shut down.
...You think $3,000 is a fair price for your vote (what Gov. Bush gave Texas teachers in a pay raise shortly before announcing his candidacy for president in 2000).
...You actually believe the election results in 2000 and 2004 were correct.
...You believe free-speech is a felony.
...You think the USA is the only 'free' country in the world.
...You think the USA is the ONLY Super Power (because you have never heard of the EU).
...You think national health care should be run by the insurance companies.
Thanks for the opportunity to do this.
Santa Fe Dreamer
...you take dinner conversation cues from Bill O'Reilly:
Normal person: "Pass the salt."
Right-wing Republican: "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
...any time you're cornered into defending lawbreaking Republicans, you bring up Ted Kennedy and that's supposed to be the end of the argument.
...you WANT Jean Schmidt.
...you look like a moron on any talk show that isn't hosted by one of your buddies. (See O'Reilly on Letterman)
..."n*****" is a staple of your vocabulary.
...you are angry for reasons you can't explain, talking it out only makes you angrier, and the only way to make you feel better is to quash someone socially below you.
...you can hear, but are physically incapable of listening.
...you spout talking points that have been proven false, hoping that it'll stick anyway.
...you believe our president and government "just wouldn't do things to hurt its citizens."
...the phrase "eminent domain" is like a symphony to your ears.
you value democracy, yet you hate democrats. - Slayton Myers
you firmly believe that the poor folks that got stuck in New
Orleans are to blame for their own plight for not having the good sense to
have high paying jobs that would have allowed them to purchase cars/SUVs
to get out of town and afford hotels in safe areas. (Or having the
good sense to be born into money.)
your head is up Uranus
you fail to see Ann Coulter as nothing more than every blonde joke
You believe federal judges MAKE laws - firstname.lastname@example.org
you're a "good Christian" but you hate more people than you love.
if you think Bush, not Cheney, is in charge
if you think Bach is
you think Jesus would support the death penalty, war, environmental
destruction, the reduction of rights to women and minorities, and the
cruel treatment of some prisoners in Guantanamo Bay