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Original post made
on Oct 26, 2007
Very sad and tragic. As a mother of 2 sons my heart goes out to the parents and family.
It's important to be aware of our children's relationships and just how much they influence their moods and perspectives.
I knew her... I was her friend. I feel I have failed her.
i ran a website with her. she meant everything to me. i don't know how to cope with life without her. i never even got to say goodbye. she is such a beautiful person. she was sweet and kind and smart and i loved her so much. i can't eat or drink i feel so empty. i wish i knew her family, i feel so alone.
My heart goes out to all the kids who are in this painful place of contemplating suicide. The stress we as parents and society puts on our kids is clearly too much pressure. Talk to some one. GO to a church they will help you. Talk to your school counselor don't hold it in.
To the kid who posted on here that knew her, I am praying for you.
I will also lift the family in prayer.
To the soph. from another community - I am a Police chaplain - if you would like to talk you can call me on my cell phone 925 570 8966
There are so many people for you to talk with you do not need to be alone
This is sooo sad. I knew ppl that were friends with her
and just hearing this makes me want to cry. why cant we
all just be friends anymore like back in the day. why
do we keep loosing people? this is soo sad!
She was someone I considered a friend... I met her on the same website that she ran with Soph... It had been about two months since I last talked to her, and I just heard about it today... I can't seem to wrap my head around this... I had planned on returning to the website today, and pick up where things left off, but this isn't going to happen... In these recent weeks, I have come to notice something about choices... Right and wrong, these aren't the only two qualifiers that can be assigned to choice. This wasn't right or wrong; it just was. The only way I know how to cope with tragedies like this, is to help others, in anyway I can. It is my hope that in doing this, maybe, just maybe, I can help prevent something like this from happening again. Maybe this is just a pipe-dream, but all I know is this; in the end, we don't know for sure what happens to us. All we have are our memories and each other, and the biggest tragedy, is letting either one fade away.
i wont ever let my memories of her go away. they are all i have now. the only thing keeping me going is knowing my family need me and knowing i need to do something with my life that would make her happy. i jsut dont know what yet
garry - i can't make any phonecalls at the moment as im in the UK, but someone gave me an email address and i sent one. there were a few things i wanted to say. im not sure if it got to the right person or not though.
rest in peace starbuline, i'll miss you.
Soph in the UK my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
I knew her in another forum. I liked her a lot.
There are tears in Australia.
This is tragic and very sad, she was friendly and sweet, she would be remembered by all her friends.
Star...I'm gonna miss you girl. I know we sort of drifted apart over the summer. I feel like I should have done something... I know I can't stop what you did. You were having hard times. I found an old post you made, back in February. You mentioned me second as one of your best friends. I didn't see it at the time, but now that I have, I'm deeply touched. You will stay forever ingrained in my memory.
This is so sad. She was such very friendly person, sweet, with so much potential. I wish I could have helped her in some way.
You will never be forgotten.
she is my star and she always will be
no one will ever come close to her
she is the most special person in the world and she is beautiful in every possible way
hey 'emily atwood' of pleasanton weekly, you forgot to include that your little newspaper didn't even contact the family for approval before you wrote this load of crap. it's full of lies. almost everything here is false. here's a word of advice: read up on your facts before writing an article. also, you might wanna think about being appreciative of people's feelings. that was stupid of me. you don't care about the feelings of your subjects or their families. all you care about is a juicy story and readers. (comment edited by Pleasanton Weekly staff due to profanity) when the family called your editor and kindly asked them take this off of the website, you wanna know what the guy said? he said "why does it matter? the cat's already out of bag." good to see that we are dealing with this issue as intelligent and compassionate adults, not five year olds. this newspaper is pathetic. pure crap. this isn't the (comment edited by Pleasanton Weekly staff due to profanity) new york times, so why are you worried about being the first ones to write about this juicy juicy juicy story? everyone is gossiping as it is. it's a local newspaper for the paranoid yuppies of pleasanton. get a life and have a heart.
I've known her since we were 4. She was my best friend from the time we were 4 until we went into high school. We learned to ride bikes together, we made movies together, We went to our first concert together, and we talked about her first kiss together. Somewhere in the confusion of life she (name removed by Pleasanton Weekly staff) and I lost touch. I can't help but wonder if I just could have stayed in touch with her and stayed close with her that maybe I could have helped her. She has made me who I am today. She was one of the funniest people I knew. She was an Amazing artist and a talented guitar player. Even though we lost track of each other I love her and I will always miss her.
I think anonymous from Bridle Creek has a point. I'm glad the weekly news has edited out some of the details of the original story.
In Australia (where I am) the media does not report suicides, I think part in respect for families but also so to avoid any "copy cat" suicides.
IMO your story as originally posted was irresponsible.
this is full of lies?
i knew there was at least one thing in it that was wrong but i thought that was just a mistake, and i didn't like the way a couple of things had been phrased, but is it all lies? i don't want to upset her family or anyone by asking questions about it so this is all i have to know what happened that day, is it all made up ? :(
lynsey - don't think that you should beat yourself up about it for losing touch - she had a family who loved her more than anything and friends who would ahve done anything for her - even they couldn't stop this happening. she was just in too much pain, she tried for ages to keep going for the sake of the people who loved her but she couldn't carry on anymore, don't feel like it's your fault though. she was an amazing artist though, yeah. she posted some of her drawings on the site we ran, if you want me to send you some. she said she'd let me hear her sing and play guitar one day (i was susprised she'd let me hear her sing) but we never got round to it :(
and she made me laugh all the time. there have been so many days where we sat up all night talking on msn and laughing about things. she is amazing.
also, i don't know what's going on here but i think if her family want it removed it should be removed, or at least the parts they didn't like should be edited out
I knew of this lass through various online forums. I knew she was mentally unwell but I didn't think she'd do this to herself. I hope she has found peace now. Say hello to Lilja for me.
it's not full of lies anymore because they edited it right as i submitted the comment
Soph- I would love that my email is Lovelylyny@yahoo.com
I thought it was someone else and I just found out today it was her.
I knew her sister. I hope she will be okay. Pleasanton has had three teen deaths in the last week and a half. It's way too much for one town to take.
I am her older brother. I would really appretiate it if you could send me a link to the website. I always liked looking at her drawings.
My email is email@example.com
To everyone else,
It really makes me smile reading all of your comments. She was a gem and will always hold a special place in my heart.
My heart and prayers go out to the parents, family and friends... I found this poem a comfort when my mom passed away in May.. I hope it helps you find some peace in this difficult time!!!
In My Pocket
I have memories in my pocket.
They rattle among the change.
My memories of you are treasures I carry wherever I go.
They are stored in bits and pieces, parts of a beautiful whole
They give me comfort when I think I am alone.
Yes, I have memories in my pocket, like so much other stuff I keep there.
But of all the treasures I have, itâ€™s the memories of you that are the most precious.
She was so talented and will never be forgotten.
Soph amongst many other requests, I too would appreciate the website. Somehow her talent has always inspired me.
Everyone here who also loved her, in my prayers.
My Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
my love goes out to those who are in pain..my God be with you.
i would love to have the link to the website with her postings. i myself am an artist and would love to see her work. thank you
my love goes out to those who are in pain..may God be with you.
i would love to have the link to the website with her postings. i myself am an artist and would love to see her work. thank you
I think that what everyone needs to do is get rid of these suicide web pages and any links that have to do with aiding people whom are already suicidal. Maybe we should have more support groups. We as a society need to wake up and realize that there are alot of people out there that need help. It's to late after the fact. We can feel sorry but that does not help the situation. No one is to blame and no one should be blamed. This girl had friends all over and I'm sure she probably talked to a great many of them about her feelings. Why are these people so sad that they feel that there is no other way out? I feel for the family and anyone else that has to go through this.
My heart and prayers go out to her family and friends. I am a Village Graduate and I had a friend who commited suicide as well. It is not an easy issue to deal with but support and prayers will get everyone through this.May God bring peace and comfort to those affected by this. May she rest in peace now....
i dont think i will ever get through this now
everytime i think im getting better i just get worse
i have no one now. she was my best friend. she was the only person who really knew me and cared about me. she was always good to me and helped me. she deserves to be happy and i wish i could have helped her mrore
Your comments have me concerned for you. Sounds like you're obviously in a lot of pain and feel very alone. Do you have anyone that you're willing to talk to? You need to not be alone and trying to deal with your feelings at this time of such a huge loss for you.
Right now you feel that you have no one. Trust me you'll think of her often, especially when your alone. Keep her memories in your heart always. You need to talk to someone maybe The Police Chaplain (Garry) I think that he would be a great listener for those of you who need to talk to anyone about this. This is a very very hard situation to handle alone and it will be with you for a long time. Talk to someone please.
I hope this helps you.
A Prayer For A Time Of Daily Worship In Doubt About God
Most Precious Lord Jesus, Gentle And Wonderful God, Truly Awesome And Ever-present Holy Spirit,
Precious Lord Jesus, I love you.
Are you there?
Are you listening?
Do you know who I am?
Do you know what I am about?
Do you see me?
Do you hear me?
Do you care about me?
Am I just talking to the wall?
Are you a myth?
Are you real?
I want to believe in you.
I want to trust in you.
I want to have faith.
I don't know where to go or who else to turn to.
You see, I am lost in my life.
I cannot find my way.
Every time I think I have a chance, someone or something comes along and crushes my chance and crushes me.
I need you.
I need to know you are as real as some people think.
I like the idea of having someone to talk to like this.
If you don't mind, I would like to talk to you every day.
All these things I humbly pray in the name of my most Blessed Lord Jesus Christ, my Mighty God, and my Ever-present Holy Spirit upon whom I can rely.
Is there someone you can call? I've been where you are right now. I switched between sadness and anger and then guilt over the anger. I called a pastor and he helped, even though I wasn't a religious person. Did you call the police chaplain who left his number above?
I know it's night now where you are, and I hope some restorative sleep came your way. It's hard, I know, to be so far away. Were you able to talk/email with any of her friends here? Today, her memorial service was held, and a number of her friends and classmates attended and shared lots of tears, memories, smiles with her family. I'm sure they held her good, good friends from around the web & world in their thoughts and prayers, and hoped for healing for them as well... knowing that you couldn't attend today. I'm sure some would be happy to share some of that with you, if you'd like?
A caring mom
thanks, i just saw all these comments. i'm feeling better now, i seem to be getting worse and then better and then worse again. i've spoken to people in her family and who knew her from school etc, and that's made me feel a lot better. i know she would understand why i couldnt be at the service today, we wanted to meet each other one day and i thought we'd be able to at some point, but we never got the cchance to. :(
we both had so many of the same problems, we were like the same person in a lot of ways. she was the only person i could relate to and we could tell each other anything. i still have my family, but i have no real friends anymore, none that cared about me as much as she did. i wish i could have helped her be happy. she deserves to be happy. i would have given her everything good in the world if i could have, and now she'd gone. i'm not religious, although i want to believe in something, and i have no friends to talk to outside of the site we ran. my life just seems hopeless now. i can't even concentrate on my school work, i don't feel like eating or drinking or doing anything. i can't listen to music on my own anymore because all the song i like remind me of her. whenever i was depressed before i could alwas get through it because i knew i had one friend who loved me and wanted to help me, but now i'm just staying alive because i know i have to. i dont actually want any of it anymore. and no one seems to really understands. it just seems like everything's pointless now but i have to stick it out for another 4o+ years.
i wish i could talk to her or see her one more time. all i have left of her is chatlogs from msn and her posts online and pictures of her. i thought we had so much time left to do all the things we wanted to do and now it seems like all those times i was asleep or in lectures when i could have been here talking to her were times ive wasted and wont ever get back.
it's 4am now and im meant to be going somewhere to look at victorian buildings for my course in a few hours. usually i'd look forward to it because i'd get to go somewhere and i;d think about how i can take photos and post them on our site to show her when i got back. now it all just seems like im sitting here waiting for my life to be over, not really enjoying anything. everyone says it will get easier but i cant see any way it can anymore
It sounds to me like there are alot of people who care about you right here. What is your web site? Let someone in that can talk to you and comfort you someone will be there for you TRUST me. You will be overwhelmed with caring people. There are alot of good people out there. There are alot of people that have gone through what your going through and have made it. It will get easier but not at the moment. Let someone in to your life that will talk to you and become your friend. I think what your doing with your photography sounds wonderful share this with others. People are here for you :)
I like the last comment about there are people who care about you and what is your website. Yes, Soph, what is your website? There are people right here who are willing to be there for you, talk to you, care about you, help you. Let some/all of them in to help you in your confusion and grief, if in no other way than through your website. I'm willing to talk to you and it sounds like lots of others are too.
the site is www.zomgaspies.com
its a forum we ran together. i added an extra section dedicated to her, and a lot of people have joined for her this week.
I went on your forum and saw your dedication it was nice. She is beautiful and so are you :) And she knew you loved her honestly :)
Took me a while to muster the courage to post something here.
I was a good friend of Sophie's as well. We were even in love for a time. In fact the event of me meeting her made her reconsider about a planned suicide attempt earlier. Even when she left me for her friend, I stuck by her, because I loved her more than anything (although obviously not in the old way). Her doing this makes me feel like I've failed at being a good friend.
Everyone, however, has been extremely helpful in helping me cope with this, and any extra help is welcomed. I dearly wish I could have gone to her memorium day thing, and I feel broken that I am unable to attend any sort of funeral for her. I gave her a little necklace which she always wore even after we split, and I fear I may never get it back. I also wrote a short poem for her, which I have put up in various places.
To: Tim V
You didn't fail her at being a good friend!!!! She knew how much you loved her...There were things going on in her mind that no one could understand, but her... This is coming from someone who deals with her own depression... There was nothing you could do to stop her from finding the peace she felt she needed!!! Giving you a huge ((((hug))))..... I didn't know Sophie, but I am soo sorry for the loss of a wonderful lady....
kbabz - i couldn't go to the service either, she would understand though. lots and lots of people went, and that's good. but then there were also loads of us who couldn't get there but were thinking of her anyway. and she would know that. after everything that happened the last few months, there was nothing you could have done really. i could have gone to stay with her for a few days, but i didn't. maybe then she wouldn't have felt so alone. but tearing yourself up about it just makes you feel even worse and makes it harder to cope with things, i know because that's how i've been the last couple weeks. she wouldn't want anyone blaming themselves, regardless of what happened or how close they were to her. i know i'll never forgive myself for not being there, so i can see where yu're coming from, but no one else sees it like that.
Thanks Soph, and Robin. Being so far away I feel a bit helpless and I dearly want the necklace back. I want something physical to remember her by, instead of MSN chat logs and such.
If you have MSN, YIM, or normal email, you can talk to me at email@example.com. My AIM is kbabz42. It really helps when I talk to people about it.
i feel the same way. we were going to draw each other something but we never got round to it so i have nothing :(
just reading through msn conversations and stuff
i wish we'd sent each other something sooner
i always thought we'd have ages so it didn't matter because i could go there next year or send something next month etc. and now it's too late.
this is why i hate living here. i was always too far away.
I always thought I had time as well. I also resented our distance apart from each other (what with being in New Zealand and all).
Sadly, SpaceCase has only found out about half an hour ago when I told her. She's as shocked as we were, and I think it'd be good if we could help each other out and offer support.
i just emailed her, she's on the forum. i was worried about her. god, this reminds me of the first few days after we found out. i feel sick :(
Don't worry soph, she's using the shock that everyone had when Sophie did it as a motive to NOT do it, as she originally felt like doing.
Anyways, I suppose we should stop chatting, this is a comments area, not a forum!
I was pretty close with Sophie. We had a lot of fun together. The moment I saw her when she came to village I knew she was special. I got a call first thing the next morning by my counselor, she knew Chelsea & I were her main friends at Village while we still went there. When I heard the news it felt unreal. It still does. I've had a few dreams now that I have her necklace she always wore, and I don't know where to put it bc I don't want it to get hurt. We were supposed to do so many things together... It's so sad. Not a day goes by without thinking of her. I feel guilty in a way bc I feel that I should have done more. :'( <3RIP SOPHIE (aka Tofu)
You have her necklace?!? Lucky. I really wish I could have it you know, but I dunno if it's right of me to just ask it off of you. At least I know it's safe.
i was a friend of sophies in elementary school. i miss her a lot and i wish i could have kept in touch with her and tanya through all these years. she had so much going for her and she was very talented. if you dont mind i was wondering if you can send me the website with her drawings.
thank you very much.
i noticed you joined already so i guess you found it :)
my email seems to be messing up right now anyway, so it might not have worked. it's firstname.lastname@example.org if anyone else wants it for anything.
she did have so much going for her. she was talented and smart and could have done anything with her life and now it's all over. i wish she could see how many people love her and miss her. i tried so hard to get her to see herself the way i saw her, and realise how many good things there were about her, i never managed it though, i thought i'd have longer to try and help her :(
oh and i forgot to mention, i think she talked about you to me a couple of times. i remember her saying something about friends from her old school and i definitely remember the name chelsea, so i guess that was you :)
just found it in my chatlogs (i've got loads but searched for it and it was in the first one i looked in)
she was talking about people she liked and mentioned "Jessie and Chelsea" as her friends outside of the internet :)
i think it was probably a different chelsea because i dont know who jessie is. but yea. my best friends mom did day care a long time ago and her and tanya both went there and we were all pretty good friends. i recently found a picture of all of us back when we were about first grade. im a year older than them but we were still good friends and we always had fun together. its too bad we lost contact around middle school.
yeah i sometimes think about the friends i had when i was younger but lost contact with, i think she would be happy to see how many people still remember her and care about her. i'm 19 now so a couple of years older, but we were both so similar that we got on really well as soon as we met each other anyway. she said she used to forget i was 19 sometimes lol, i act a lot younger than i am i guess. being older made me more protective of her though, so i feel awful that i couldnt help her more.
And yes you do act a lot younger than your age. It's good because otherwise Sophie wouldn't have had someone to connect to on a deep-friend basis.
there are so many times now that i wish we hadnt lost contact. i went to the memorial and just seeing how many people cared about her, it helped me because i knew i wasnt alone. although i wasnt as close to her recently, i still miss her. i used to see her and tanya walk around our neighborhood. theyve grown up so much and they are both beautiful young ladies now and if tanya comes back to foothill this year i hope we become friends again. like old times.
yeah, people told me a lot of people were at the memorial. that made me feel better knowing that. i wish i'd been able to go, but i wish even more that i'd been there with her a few weeks ago. she seemed like she was getting better, it's still really hard to accept that it's happened, even though i know in my head that it's true.
tim - yeah, i'm 19 lol
everyone is always surprised, i look about 12 sometimes :P
and i feel a lot younger than 19 really. she was much stronger than me in a lot of ways, especially considering she was younger. a lot of the time, when she was upset or something bad happened to her, i think i ended up hurt by it even more becuase it made me so sad when she was upset, yet she could always manage to carry on and help other people even when she was hurting inside. that's something special, there aren't many people who can do that. i just wish i could have helped her. i know i keep saying that, and everyone else feels the same way, but i really wish one of us could have mad everything better for her
yea. well there were many of her friends family and teachers at the memorial service. i was shocked when i heard about it because i havent talked or seen her in so long but it hit really hard and im still having a hard time comprehending that it actually happened as well.
it hit me really hard as well. i just lay in bed and cried all day. i couldnt eat or drink for several days but i didnt even feel hungry or thirsty, it was like my body just gave up on me. its messed up, i still cant understand it properly either. i keep going over everything in my head, the last things she said to me, the last posts she made on the forum... she seemed like she was getting happier. she was laughing about things and joking about things with us. i cant believe shes gone.
yea. well from what ive read you and sophie were really close. but i think sophie would want you to live on and make the most of your life. be happy that you knew her and remember all the good memories you shared. shes here in spirit and she knows you care about her still.
i didn't know sophie as well as i would have liked, i went to school with her and just a few days before this happened was the first time we talked. She was a sweet girl, and different. She was telling us about how she was getting better now and what not... i can't believe this happened. And i can't believe how heartless people are, to make her feel the way she did. She was an amazing person with soo much talent, i'm so sorry for her family, especially her sister. A life taken too soon. Rest in peace Sophie Borris, you'll always be in my heart.
To Tim V- I don't have her necklace, it was a dream. :( I only have a pink origami bird she made me.
Sorry for the confusion.
P.S. I'd GREATLY appreciate someone sending me some of her artwork. We had art together and we had so much fun, I don't have any of the work we did together and it makes me so sad. I'm not sure if anyone checks this anymore- but I'd be very thankful for just 1 pic.
My email is Jessieandbits@hotmail.com
And the Chelsea she mentioned was the Chelsea I'm best friends with. That melted my heart reading that she mentioned us on a forum.
I still have dreams about her and I still hurt for her. I know she wouldn't want me to hurt since she was such a caring person, but it's hard not to when I know I could have done more. I at least could have kept in touch with her. After Chels & I graduated in June we didn't hang out with her much. I always wanted to call her but was busy. We had so much in common. I don't meet people that I can bond with easily, but she was so special.
We loved ugly creatures, models (Russian models), odd behaviors, and music.
I'm now able to go on everyday normally, but when I have a dream about her or something reminds me of her, and I think heavily about it, it's just heart breaking. She really did top the end of my Senior year. All of highschool was really crappy for me, but Senior year I had the greatest friends. The trio- Cory, Chelsea, & Sophie (Tofu). I'll NEVER forget how she impacted all of us.
It's heart breaking because of the trully evil people at Village who even told her to kill herself (A while before she did it). She was so sad. Chels & I helped as much as we could that day, which we did, but I guess not in the long run. I can't believe how wretched some people are. No matter who it is, it still a major tragedy. In this case, it was a horrible tragedy. She had so much potential for living a wonderful life. She was just held back by a lot of things. I think that if she would have stuck it out a little longer- past high school- she would have been happier.
Anywho, I'm blabbering. Sorry.
If someone could hook me up with some drawings/pics that would be awesome.x0x
I never knew her but I often see her posts on one of the forums, and never knew of her passing, I was greatly saddened when I found this out.
I would like to share this prayer, its more of a spiritual one then a religious one.
AN INDIAN PRAYER
Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the wind,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear my prayer.
Let me walk in beauty through all my days.
May my eyes see sunrise freshness,
and sunset glory.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
and my ear sharp to hear your many voices.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Make me wise, that I may learn the lessons you teach my people,
the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Oh Great Spirit, hear me.
Make me ready.
So when life fades to a last sunset,
my spirit will come to you without shame.
i know its late but anybody who can talk to me about this please find me @ myspace.com/dismalennui just send me a message or something i would like to talk to somebody else who knew her somehow
I wish that all of the young adults out there would take to heart how precious a gift life truly is... and I wish that they would realize that there is NOTHING in life which is so important to hurt yourself over, whether it be a broken relationship, cruel treatment by piers or other slights experienced in life... keep in mind that life is both a journey and an adventure... and tomorrow is guaranteed to noone, so there's no reason to rush things. You never know what goodness awaits you just around the corner, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year... stick around to receive God's gifts in life. Terry.
theres not a day that goes by that i dont think of beautiful sophie. remembering all the talks we had, the times we spent together whether it me in class or while on break or on the phone. sophie i love you and i miss you. i wish you could be here to watch my little girl grow up like we would talk about in our plans for our lives. everyday i look at my rememberence tattoo i got in your honor. i remember you talking to me the day before this happened. everything you said and i said plays back in my head, i sit and cry. i know your in a much happier place now and your looking down upon everyone but i just wish you were here to still experience everything that life has to offer you. i love you! you are greatly missed but NEVER forgotten.
chelsea n.. i know you. next time your with sarah and im in the area can i see the old pic you have?
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