Halloween is still more than a week away, but Pleasanton is already looking early for volunteers with special requirements for its Hometown Holidays Celebration:

(1) man or woman with big fat belly, long white beard; assertive with reindeer; good sense of direction (though GPS will be provided); cannot drink (too much); must champion product specifications with aggressive scheduling constraints; will be required to mentor children at the mall.

(8) caribou; tiny; must be light on their feet; must be able to work in a team environment; must be willing to work long nights.

(8,000) seasonal assemblers; green clothing with pointy hats required; height restriction of 3 feet; magic powers a big plus; must have current H1B visa unless already living due north of Alaska (or on a first name basis with Sarah Palin).

Note: Mayor Ladybird categorically denies even a semblance of bias towards Christmas in Pleasanton’s traditional Holiday Celebration and promises that even ‘Holiday’ is a temporary nomenclature with a forecasted change to ‘Winter Celebration’ next year as soon as the environmental impact study has been completed by the Rand Corporation.

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by DoUgLaS kEnDaLl

Holiday gift ideas at-------------> http://www.DougKen.com

Email political opportunities to---> doug@DougKen.com

:-) <-- Warning: impish humor