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Friday Funnies

Original post made by Needed a GOOD laugh, Another Pleasanton neighborhood, on Jul 10, 2009

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question - What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?

Answer - A competent liberal President.

Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having "relations"?

Answer - Mace.

Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.

Question - How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer - None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

Question - How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Liberals are like seagulls : all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.

Comments (7)

 +   Like this comment
Posted by Just a few more
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 10, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"

Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.

Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome

Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.

Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.

Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It's the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.

Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Very funny
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 10, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Shouldn't you be spending more time rebuilding you party and less time posting jokes about liberals?


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Can't
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 10, 2009 at 1:45 pm

I can't, I'm too busy online looking for a job because I got layed off due to your policy leaders.

Plus, it is fun to see the truth in humor. Makes some of feel less sickened to our core by what has been done to our country by your leaders.

Shouldn't you figure out what your party is going to do now that the jig is up and everyone knows Mr. Empathy doesn't know what the ***k he is doing?


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Very funny
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 10, 2009 at 2:12 pm

I thought whining was a liberal trait.

Last I checked, there was a republican in office when all these problems began. "My" leaders, including "Mr. Empathy," (though I prefer to refer to him as Mr. President), aren't to blame for you problems. And the headlines aren't screaming that it's the democrats who are without leadership...
What's REALLY funny is that half you folks say the President has a master plan to run the country into the ground a la Cloward-Piven, and the other half says he doesn't know what he's doing. You all can't even agree on THAT point. I guess I can't blame you for trying to find solace in lame, tasteless jokes.


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Julie
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 10, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Julie is a registered user.

"Can't": That must stand for "Can't analyze". You seriously think you are out of work *only* because of the current leadership of this country? The ones who have been in office less than 6 months? And, if you are in fact an American citizen, they are YOUR leaders too. I couldn't stand George W., but I had no choice but to accept him as the leader of this (my) country since that is what he was elected to be.

And I must say, what a bunch of hypocrites. If anyone says something remotely negative about Sarah Palin (a public figure who should be prepared for public criticism) the conservatives get their panties and briefs in such a bind they can barely type the words, "but she's so HOT" and here some of you are insulting an entire group's philosophy and way of thinking. Who will you go after next? Atheists? Minorities?

These are hardly "Friday Funnies". But thanks, the next time I see some conservatives whining on another board about liberals being negative about them I now have *proof* that conservatives are equally capable of such "low behavior".


 +   Like this comment
Posted by What?
a resident of Amberwood/Wood Meadows
on Jul 11, 2009 at 8:11 am

Julie,

You said, "But thanks, the next time I see some conservatives whining on another board about liberals being negative about them I now have *proof* that conservatives are equally capable of such "low behavior"."

WTF? I'm a life long Democrat and these are jokes. Please stop being so "sensitive". That's where we get hammered for whining.

A joke is a joke. Take it for what it is.


 +   Like this comment
Posted by Julie
a resident of Another Pleasanton neighborhood
on Jul 12, 2009 at 8:00 am

Julie is a registered user.

"What?": I am not sensitive. I enjoy a good joke, even at my expense (though in this case I do not necessarily consider myself "a liberal").

What bothered me about this thread was:

#1: The extent. A couple of joke = funny. That many jokes = attacking.

#2: The motivation. I don't think the author(s) really meant to be "funny".

#3: The effect. There is a lot of division at this site between "conservatives" and "liberals". Why not work to decrease the divide rather than deepen it?

Just look at the responses and I think you will see proof of #1-3.


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