Posted by Do the right thing, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 20, 2009 at 8:07 pm
It really isn't just a flip-statement from unclehomerr; he's right.
I'm just curious...when you got pregnant was it because you wanted a baby or because you wanted to be a mother. It's an important question to ask yourself.
Pregnancy isn't about maternity clothes and baby showers and attention. It's about preparing for the life that is coming and needs everything from you.
I'm a mom of two little ones (toddlers) and I said I would have my kiddos and see if staying home worked out. Well, after having my first, it had to work out - there was NO way I was going to leave the precious gift given to me up to someone else to raise. NOTHING is worth it - no possession on Earth.
It will be really sad what your child will have to endure so that you can be at work. There is always a way to stay home and if there truly, truly isn't, then you should stop making this pregnancy about you and give the child to someone who will raise a baby with all the love and care and nurturing and protection they have to have.
If you are offended by what I am saying, then it is because you are worried about you and not a baby and you are not ready to be a mother.
Posted by Sam, a resident of the Kottinger Ranch neighborhood, on Apr 20, 2009 at 9:47 pm
This poor lady never asked for any of your opinions, she was merely asking for some advice on day care. Mind your own business and if you don't want to answer her question, keep your remarks to yourself. You know nothing about her or her situation.
Expectant Mom, you can check the city website for lists. Good luck!
Posted by Karen, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 20, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Expectant Mom - Congratulations! We recently had to go out looking for child care as well for our baby. Not an easy task, especially here in Pleasanton. We ended up finding care in the city where I work. My advice would be for you to join a local mom's group and then get involved with the message boards for those groups. There are A LOT of working mom's with well adjusted and well cared for babies. Tri-Valley Active Mom's (TVAM) or the Pleasanton Mom's Club. Just "google" either one of those and I am sure you will be able to get some good advice.
Posted by Amy, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 8:43 am
Congratulations on your pending arrival. I am sorry that you got the wrath of judgment on your decision to return to work. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people out there who have their own agenda and insist that all must follow their doctrine. Their "job" is to undermine, tap into irrational fears with a holier-then-thou smirk. Don't be distracted by their smallness of mind.
In addition to the resources mentioned, there's a great on-line resource too called mamasource. www.mamasource.com - connect with your neighbors and get recommendations from other satisfied parents.
You can ask questions on mamasource and get info about parenting issues from moms all around your community.
Posted by Sharon, a resident of the Parkside neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 8:50 am
An other option is an AuPair, the cost is around 320 a week, they live with you and work up to 45 hours a week. They live with you and take care of your child. When you check child care rates, you will see that they are a very good price, and you get one on one care. I could talk with you about it. Sharon email@example.com
Posted by Ellen, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 9:32 am
I totally agree with posters above, especially "do the right thing". Sad, another infant placed into daycare. Please reconsider and stay home and raise your child instead of having someone do it for you.
Posted by stayhomedad, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 11:54 am
Congratulations! I am amazed by how much "slack" she is getting from this GREAT COMMUNITY. An expectant mother asking for advise and she gets blasted for earning an income? There are ALOT of mothers out there with NO INCOME, and NO HUSBAND, and NO PLAN... This mother is trying to reach out to fellow parents and get organized for her child and the first reaction of most of you is...to DAMN her for supporting her child? Isn't that being a responsible person?
Now, please clarify, is daycare now 24 hour supervision? If I wasn't any smarter I would think that daycare is equal to GIVING YOUR CHILD AWAY FOREVER. We are still only talking about while the parents at work, right? Does daycare feed them breakfast and brush their teeth and get them dressed and ready for the day? Does daycare take them to the doctor appointments? Does daycare really "RAISE" the child, the way that UNCLEHOMERR and ELLEN and "do the right thing" say... and the other that will soon chime in?
I have never used daycare, so I might be wrong. But before some of you verbally "attack" a pregnant woman...please think first! (unclehomerr, I expected better from you)
Posted by Stacey, a resident of the Amberwood/Wood Meadows neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 11:55 am Stacey is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
I don't know what your reasons are, maybe you're a single mom or can barely afford Pleasanton without two incomes (especially with the economy the way it is), but I'd also recommend an Au Pair or a nanny instead of day care. Babies crave and love the one-on-one attention. They really thrive with it. Try Nanny Net Web Link They're local.
Posted by Teri, a resident of the Del Prado neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I must say that I was disappointed and shocked by the hurtful and untrue remarks made by some of the members of this community. There are plenty of wonderful,loving home daycare facilities for infants and children. I believe the saying that "It takes a village to raise a child",is even more true today because so many of us do not live close to family member that use to be able to help out. A child placed in a loving daycare environment will thrive and learn so much from that provider and the children in care with them as well from their parents. ALL parents need someone to teach,encourage and reassure them that they are doing a great job. To say such hurtful remarks to a new mom is just plain rude and uncalled for.
Posted by Grace, a resident of the Highland Oaks neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I'm really disappointed with some of the very harsh responses above. Jumping to the conclusion that the Expectant Mom is self-centered, selfish, thinking only of baby showers and not the baby, and abandoning the baby to the worst of fates in infant care is very judgemental and holier-than-thou. Stacey is right - how can we know the circumstances? In fact, many mothers who go back to work do so UNselfishly, many wanting to stay at home during this precious time. Often, though, the salary is dearly needed and just as often, the mother's place of employment is the one which provides the health insurance coverage to ensure the family's well-being. Many men are finding themselves unemployed, looking for work, or free-lancing/consulting with no guarantee of income and no health coverage.
Maybe expressing an opinion/suggestion, asking questions in a decent, respectful manner without blasting someone would be the kinder, more neighborly way to go.
My suggestion would be to look around, possibly on one of the parenting sites mentioned, for a baby/nanny share. We did that with our younger son and it worked very well - the babies were each with the babysitter 4 days a week - together 3 days, alone with the babysitter one day a week, and home with mom one weekday + the weekends. They had great times together in a loving environment, with a playmate, in one home or the other.
Posted by Are you serious?, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I'm glad you folks are able to justify in your minds that it's good to send an infant or young child off to be cared for by others while mommy and daddy go to work to make the BMW payments. Do you really think a "caregiver" for 8-10 hours a day is a good substitute for a responsible parent? Try reading the recent posts about vandalism and teen drug use in the area; many of these kids were "raised" by parents who are out of the house working to pay the bills for their large homes, cosmetic surgery, RVs, vacations, and luxury cars...or as we are seeing more and more often...not paying for these items.
Posted by stayhomedad, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Maybe I just take this subject too seriously. I get very upset when people like "are you serious" make outrageous statements like that. Until you or anyone else are ready to get SERIOUS about this topic, please don't make shameless assumptions about people you don't know.
Posted by A neighbor, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Hello Expectant Mom,
Have you checked Yelp and Yahoo Local? Just typed "childcare" in search box for Pleasanton. Both of these sites have reviews so you can read more abt the place. Of course, you'll have to visit the place and ask for references before choosing one. I used these to search for daycare for my son a couple of years ago.
Posted by Ridiculous!, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Actually, I am married to a teacher and that is why I also have to have a job. It probably wouldn't matter what state we lived in, 2 earner families are required to afford to live a basic lifestyle. Sorry folks, we aren't working to buy a BMW or live in a fat house. In fact, we are responsible and live within our means. I guess we could default on our mortgage so the banks would work with us to get a cheaper loan, etc. However, like I said, we are responsible and pay our bills.
Posted by Never regret, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Some posters shared an unsolicited opinion when this mom only asked for daycare info. Why? I would guess because they care, not only about the baby, but were motivated by their wisdom to benefit the mother. It's hard to take a stand for a child in these times where women are encouraged to do whatever they want. And there is nothing wrong with it, until it affects a child and then in fact does affect the mom.
There is no mother alive who wouldn't prefer to be with their child. "But" is not an ideal to live by.
Wisdom is gained only one way: through mistakes and learning, hence the term, "hard-earned wisdom". The most wise of us are those that learn from other's mistakes and don't make the same. I realize it is easy to make this mom feel good now about her decision to go the day care route and stroke her for just "doing what she needs to", but I think it is more caring to be honest with this mom that she will not feel great later about her decision.
We all have that moment by ourselves when we question our actions and if they were right. All I can encourage you to do, Expectant Mom, is make a choice you will never regret. I will never regret making choices to ensure I could be the one to care for my child. At times, I think we are probably the poorest in Pleasanton, but that won't last because I can always work later. I get to snuggle my children in the morning, take them to the park, feed them food that we grow in garden, and never-ever wonder if something was done to my child. Afterall, an infant cannot speak for themselves, and no one loves your child like you will and no one will ever treat your child like you do.
It's important to set aside the shocked and dimayed posters above and get real with what choice is best for your child and then consequently you. Because although some would like to shield you from this, the truth is it will affect you. The connection only gets stronger after that umbilical cord is cut and you'll never be sorry to say that like me you don't regret giving up material things for your child.
With zero holier-than-though sentiment and only the best wishes for you and your child.
Posted by Are you serious?, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 2:32 pm
stayhomedad; What "outrageous" statements were in my post? If you want to make that claim go ahead but please back it up with some reasoning. Are you saying it is better for a hired caregiver to raiser your children? Are you saying there aren't a large number of parents who are more concerned with themselves than with knowing what their kids are up to? Do you think everyone in town can really afford the houses they live in and the cars they drive? My original post was not an attack on the new mom looking for daycare services but it was a response to those who seem to think putting a child in daycare is every bit as good as raising your own children. Let's be fair to the children and allow them to be raised by the people who love them and brought them into this world.
Can't afford to get by on one salary? I make no more than a tenured teacher in Pleasanton and with less job security and no CalPers retirement plan. Difficult? Extrememly. And if I couldn't get by I would move to a place that is more affordable. Life's tough; deal with it.
Posted by Yeah!, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 2:51 pm
To Are you serious?
Thank you for pointing out that an objetion can be an objection (stayhomedad), but don't act so pious if you have nothing to back it up.
Good grief - who can point to one unbiased and ethical study that shows children raised in a daycare setting (and I see no difference in "Au Pair" or the "Y") are as well adjusted as those that are raised with the constant moral and values developed in a child of a stay at home parent?
Let's let the rubber meet the road:
Stayhomedad: Who would you rather leave in your house UNSUPERVISED for one hour: A "day care kid" or a child from a home with a parent that raised them from infancy?
The answer is obvious and the implication is too...eventually your "home" they are visiting becomes the city, state, country and world. Still have doubts? Come swing by any of the afterschool centers here in town and observe the "interactions" the day care kids have with one another. Pretty scary. So scary my child fears being one of those kids.
Nevermind, you think you know "better" with your opinions. You're so "progressive"!
Posted by stayhomedad, a resident of the Valley Trails neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I'll ignore the assumptions about myself.
Outrageous statement #1-"I'm glad you folks are able to justify in your minds that it's good to send an infant or young child off to be cared for by others while mommy and daddy go to work to make the BMW payments." Who dives a BMW?
Outrageous statement #2-"Try reading the recent posts about vandalism and teen drug use in the area; many of these kids were "raised" by parents who are out of the house working to pay the bills for their large homes, cosmetic surgery, RVs, vacations, and luxury cars...or as we are seeing more and more often...not paying for these items" Your post was short, so there were only two outrageous statements.
Are you getting your statistics from these posts? Where are you getting your infomation? These are clearly made up scenarios about hypothetical people you already dislike. Nothing written has any factual base against the "expectant mom" or anyone of us defending her.
Now your questions. No, I don't believe a LARGE number of parents care about themselves more than their children. And, I don't concern myself with other people means of supporting themselves and whether or not they can afford their stuff. It's not my buisness who spends their money where. And the rest is silly. Who are you referring to when you said ..."those who seem to think putting a child in daycare is every bit as good as raising your own children"? Nobody said that, and you guys look like your trying to start a verbal fight. All I'm saying is that someone posted a topic and then you and other tried to make her feel "bad" about her choice WITHOUT any actual knowlegde of her situation. You didn't find out anything about her (or anyone else) and you immediately got on your soap box and started preaching your "hollier than thou" hogwash. I don't want to fight, I just know that people are in different situations and what works for YOU, might not work for someone else.
I almost forgot Yeah, I'm sorry but your question is hard to understand. I don't let children in my house UNSUPERVISED. I'm not playing dumb, I really don't let children in my house unsupervised. Although, I get your point and I judge the children I'm around by THEIR actions, not their parents. Some of the best behaved kids I've seen are in daycare a few days a week. On the other token, my close friends have a child that is home with BOTH parents. And that kids likes to cause trouble. He's not a bad kid, but he misbehaves more than most his age. So your theory has holes in it. Just FYI- take a look at "never regret" post. They have the same veiw as you but sound much more mature and intelligent. That is how you should precent your case.
Posted by Beth, a resident of the Foothill Knolls neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Love the assumptions that the mom should be ashamed because she's working...
I'm all in favor of SAH parents but it shouldn't matter if it's the mom or the dad. However all I ever see is people dumping on the mom for working... No one ever tells a working dad that someone else is "raising" his kids...
Love when a double standard is so insidious no one notices it even AFTER a stay at home dad posts...
Posted by Teri, a resident of the Del Prado neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm
First of all, to the expectant mother, congratulations!! I am sorry for you that some folks think they have the right to pass judgement when all you asked for was child care info. I recomend you call Child Care Links in Pleasanton at 417-8733. They will give you names and numbers of licensed providers. As always, ask for references both past and current. Secondly, to those of you that do not believe that a child care provider can love the children in their care, you are so mistaken!!!!! I have been a licensed provider for almost 21 years and love all the children that have been in my care as if they were my own children. I am still in contact with my 20 something daycare children that are in college and out of college. They visit often and we are in touch all the time. For those of you to assume that I am just the "hired helper", (an extremely rude remark)or that all children that are in daycare or have been in daycare are awful children is such an unfair statement. My daycare children have ALWAYS been complimented on their behavior while in my care on our field trips to many places such as the library and Golden Apple to name a few. I encourage those of you that are so judgemental to be a little more compassionate as you do not know other families circumstances. I think anyone that can be a stay at home mom or dad is extremely blessed!! Please don't put down those that are not as fortunate as you are. All parents need to be a friend other parents whether they work outside of the home or stay at home and "work" at home.
Posted by JJ, a resident of the Pleasanton Meadows neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I had my first baby 18 years ago in July. I too worked full time and required infant care. We were blessed to find a wonderful women who like me had teenagers, but she loved babies and toddlers. She and her "family" helped us raise our beautiful girls. "Mama Sue" and her family are still a part of our extended family. Her knowledge and wisdom helped me learn to be a better parent. I have been able to be home with our girls since middle school. Knowing what I know now, find someone who you feel wants to be a part of your "extended" family, with similar values and a nurturing heart. There is an expression - It takes a village to raise a child. And if you can, be there when they are older and have a lot of questions about how the world works (or dosn't). Childcarelinks.org is a good resourse. All our best with your search.
Posted by PToWN94566, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 7:52 pm PToWN94566 is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Such judgmental statements on this website! I'm actually kind of shocked at what other people had to say. One comment had to do with working at home- what about those parents that do work at home and give minimal attention to their children? It obviously would be better to put a child in a preschool so they can socialize with children their own age, rather than being sat in front of a television watching cartoons all day. I'm guessing the people who bad mouthed day schools had bad experiences and categorized all of them as bad. Look at the other side of the picture- you're judging someone to be "bad" when you have no clue what their life entails.
Anyway, I suggest as well to contact Child Care Links. They can give you lots of references as to what is out there in this community as well as surrounding ones. Some places only take children that are certain ages (only 18 months +) while others will take newborns- there are probably some rules as to when a child can even begin. Make sure to tour many centers and ask questions to the Director, Asst. Director, the teachers in the classroom etc. Questions like what is the ratio in this room are good to ask- find out what the actual ratio is that the state allows for your particular age group- such as it's 12:1 for preschoolers but for younger children it's smaller. If you're sending baby that is still on formula, ask to look at the stations they use to warm the formula. Ask how often they are cleaned etc- state law has a lot of restrictions and regulations regarding such things.
Posted by Julie, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 9:25 pm Julie is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Congratulations Expectant Mom! Since Childcare Links has already been suggested, I don't have any other ideas. My suggestion is that you find a quality home child care. When I HAD to work with my first (not for BMWs, but for a mortgage) I felt that a home environment would be a better fit for an infant than a facility. Be sure to research the place: visit: check licenses, check ratios (no more than 3 or 4 infants to 1 adult), etc. Good luck. There aren't enough quality infant / toddler providers out there.
StayHomeDad, thanks for calling out the ASSumptions. I've been both an employed mom and a stay at home mom. It always seemed like it was employed moms v. stay at home moms. It shouldn't be like that. Parenting is tough, we should all stick together! And by the way, I'm sure many of those teen troublemakers referred to somewhere above were raised by stay at home parents!! There is NO research to support the assumption that children are better off at home with a parent than in child care. In either case the deciding factor in how a child turns out is QUALITY. Not all stay at home parents are quality parents, just as not all child care centers are quality. On the flip side, there are high quality centers just as there are high quality parents.
Posted by Disagree with Julie, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 9:45 pm
I'm not buying it. Stay at home moms rarely do so because they can afford to and then slough off the responsibility to others so she can go to the spa. When you choose to stay home, it is a major responsibility and those who make that choice do so know they are doing it to rear children and foster them into adulthood. If it was just because it was convenient, it wouldn't be done.
Judging all by the exception to a rule is an ASSumption as well on your part. There are ample studies done showing the detachment issues, emotional issues, behavioral issues, etc, etc, that day care children suffer from. There aren't any studies that show kids from homes of stay at home parents demonstrate similar levels of issues. Children placed in day care tend to be bored and learn to be aggressive because they lack direction and support from a parent. Parents who stay at home with their kiddos are highly motivated to keep their kids behaving and provide the nurturing a child craves. No one is going to treat their children and another's child the same. There is no way you will concern yourself with another's child the way you would with your own. It is ridiculous. And let's say you find a peer with a child that is nearly the same age as your own to care for your child. What happens with a conflict between the children? For sure the caregiver will overwhelmingly see things from their child's perspective.
A child is rarely able to have the fostering and nurturing at a "center" or a "fascility". The adult to child ratio is staggering and an arduous task at best. No matter how saintly a provider presents themselves at the end of the day, it is a business, and your child has become a commodity. Again, an exception to this may exist, but it certainly isn't the vast majority. The only way to be certain your child will have a warm, homey, loving environment that is nurturing and amazing is to provide it yourself.
I completely disagree with your opinion, Julie, but I respect you for sharing it. I did, however agree that it should never be a sahm/f vs. a working outside the home parent.
Posted by PToWN94566, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 10:20 pm PToWN94566 is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
"Disgraced With Julie",
On the contrary to your statements about child care environments, it has also been shown and studied that children who begin "school" before Kindergarten show a positive response to education once they do begin elementary school. My question to you is what makes it sensible and "ok" in your terms to have schooling begin at the Kindergarten level but not day care centers? Placed in a well organized center with well educated teachers, a child will not be bored, have attachment issues, behavioral issues etc. Many (and let me stress that, MANY) centers have specialized people come into the school and do arts and crafts, dance, music, movement and drama with children of ages. Many of the programs I've observed and participated in provide experiences that most parents are not trained in or would not know how to safely execute. A child in a day care setting also has the ability to interact with peers their own age. All too often I've taken my nephew to the park and have had another mother tell my nephew what is correct and what is not correct- in other people's words though "you shouldn't be doing that." For the educated person, he or she would know that children all to often hear these types of negative responses. The few centers I've worked at always trained their teachers that telling a child "No" is unacceptable- how many parents have we heard in public telling their child "No" but offer them no description of what the no truly means?
The 6.5 years I worked at one center in particular, I saw majority of both parents working. Yes, this was in Pleasanton. There were a few parents, mothers, who did not work but still opted to enroll their children in day care. What did they do? Usually go and get their hair done, nails done, or play tennis with the girls somewhere- and it wasn't easy to figure out where they had gone if their hair was styled differently or if they were dressed in tennis gear. This fact speaks highly of attachment issues, behavioral issues etc. These kinds of parents make me think as to how they behave or treat their own children inside comforts of their home.
No matter what kind environment it is (day care or in-home settings), many offer great programs that do help children progress in their development. Day cares of all kinds are programs that our society provides to families; if you don't need one great, if you do, great. Parents have to do their own research and find out what suits their needs best, while not portraying these needs off onto other people.
Posted by Julie, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 11:19 pm Julie is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Disagree With Julie: Thank you for disagreeing respectfully.
Honestly I didn't understand your first paragraph - what aren't you "buying"? I am an early childhood specialist. All I am saying is that staying home with your child does not mean you are a highly skilled parent. You may have good intentions and you may love your child more than anyone else, but those two things alone do not make you a good parent. I have met many kids over the years who were seriously better off spending some time with me than with their parent all day.
And I don't mean this sarcastically, but please share the "ample" studies to which you are referring. I studied child development for many years, but it has admittedly been a while since I have done actual research. When I was studying the subject I don't recall finding "ample" studies that showed all the "detachment issues, emotional issues, behavioral issues, etc, etc, that day care children suffer from" to which you refer. If anything, as PTown94566 points out, there were positive benefits associated with a child's participation in an early childhood program.
Personally, I did choose not to work full time once I became a mother. My husband has always made more money than I do & so that is why I stayed home or worked part time. People don't always have choices though. In this argument of employed v. stay at home, someone always presents the idea that it's "absolutely possible for one parent to stay home". I'm sorry, but that's not true. If I wanted to have groceries for my first baby, I had to work at least part time. And before anyone says, "well if you can't afford a baby without working, don't have them"...be careful because that sounds like only wealthy people should be allowed to procreate!
Posted by Nicole, a resident of the Del Prado neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 11:22 pm
MY GOODNESS! Do any of you know this woman's situation? Besides...Who are you to judge someone? Are you PERFECT? So you mean to tell me you have NEVER left your children with anyone? I happen to be lucky enough to stay at home with my kids now, but that hasn't always been the case. No parent deserves the treatment you are giving this poor woman. I am sure her baby will be happy and healthy and a lot less angry and bitter than you are. Mothers have it tough enough. We don't need added preasure from jerks like you that have nothing better to do than make other people feel bad. Go to hell and take your opinion with you!
Posted by Cara, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 21, 2009 at 11:45 pm
I remember when I was home full-time with my kids, a mom who worked for pay full-time said she wished she could stay home like me. I didn't say this, but I wanted to--"Have you noticed that we have one, inexpensive car? The same car my husband owned before he met me? Have you noticed that your house it twice the size of mine, and a lot nicer? And that you have two expensive cars? Have you seen my cell phone? No? That's 'cause I don't have one. Did I show you pictures of our vacation? No, that's because we don't go on any." Take a look around, lady.
I wouldn't have put my baby in day care for any reason, even if it meant no car, etc. Why? Because I worked in day care before I had my child. A social worker checking the place out asked me if I would put my (future) child in day care. I said no, and she said everyone in day care says no to that question. That's because we see how sad the kids are, how they try to play with tears streaming down their faces. Don't ever be late picking up your kid from day care, because I cannot tell you how that twists the knife in their hearts. One little toddler lay on the floor hugging his blanket and crying because his mother was late. I said, "She's driving right now, so fast, trying to get here, she's saying, I have to get Nicholas! I need to see my Nicholas!" His face lit up because he had been afraid that he was forgotten and unwanted. You break their hearts when you're late to pick them up from day care.
Posted by Pat, a resident of the Birdland neighborhood, on Apr 22, 2009 at 8:46 am
Shame on you all for tearing into this expecting Mom!
You are not walking in her shoes...nobody knows about her life, her bills, her anything other than she is expecting.
I would like to look into all of you lives, who are putting her down for wanting to do what she thinks is best for HER situation...She is not raising her child based on YOUR abilities in life. I think she is a very responsible person who is planning and deciding what is best for HER family...NOT YOURS!
I bet we can find something in your life to tear you apart...people are so judgmental and not wanting to lend a hand when you see someone who is in need. She just asked a question! We live in a sad community...so much for the family oriented community!
Posted by Julie, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 22, 2009 at 2:55 pm Julie is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
unclehomerr, there's a big discrepancy between supply and demand when it comes to infant care. She needs to think about infant care now, before the baby is born, or she may not be able to have care in time when her maternity leave ends.
In my many years of working child care/preschool, I have found sad children to be the exception, not the rule. If the majority of the children in my program were playing with "tears streaming down their faces", I'd be looking at how to improve myself and my program! Yes, many children experience "separation anxiety". They need to learn to build trust with adults besides their parents. I have found the children with the most separation anxiety to be children who either a) have PARENTS experiencing separation anxiety; b) have lived in environments where trust is difficult to build; c) have rarely been with anyone besides their own parents or outside their own family; d) all of the above. Someone stated that day care caused attachment problems. Actually, if a child has extreme separation anxiety going to school/day care, they already have attachment issues!
Posted by Julie, a resident of the Another Pleasanton neighborhood neighborhood, on Apr 22, 2009 at 11:07 pm Julie is a member (registered user) of PleasantonWeekly.com
Well, I am guilty of making assumptions myself. If she's due in July and wants care in October I am assuming she has a job because a) Most employed moms I've known have taken between 6 weeks and 4 months maternity leave; b) I don't know *anyone* who has been both jobless AND looked for infant day care. That would be something: to put a baby in day care when you are home! Actually, I think I've made more of an educated guess, rather than assumption. I'm betting that she high tailed it outta here early on and thus we'll never know!