December 17, 2004

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Publication Date: Friday, December 17, 2004

Maggies makes four

When Julie and Eric "Otis" Nostrand decided to adopt a second daughter from People's Republic of China, they used technology to keep their many friends and well-wishers informed of the process. The following are excerpts from their blogs, or online journal on their Web log, documenting their experiences adopting their second daughter, Maggie; their older daughter Carly, referred to as "La Ni–a," was adopted in December 2002.

For the full text, visit the Web site: www.maggiemakesfour.blogspot.com.
Friday, Oct. 1, posted by Maggie's Mom at 9:23 p.m. So, what does Carly think?

I think the second time through the adoption process, the question I have been asked most frequently is "What does Carly think?"

The honest answer is: Who knows what a 2-year-old thinks? Tonight, I asked her if she knew who Maggie was and she said, "Maggie is my sister." So, I know she has the words right.

Of course, how could you expect a 2-year-old to understand the impact a little sister will have on her life?
Tuesday, Oct. 5, posted by Maggie's Mom at 8:43 p.m. It's a group thing

Another very common question I am asked is, "Do you travel with a group?"

Yes, and that is probably the best part of this experience. Our agency bundles dossiers by the month they are received and assigns your family to a group. The only thing you have in common at the start of the process is that you turned in your paperwork at roughly the same time to adopt a child from China.

This is the group of people who witness the birth of your family, and the only group you rely on for the first few days with your child. With these people, you experience your first highs and lows of parenthood, and in some cases, you form very profound bonds.
Thursday, Oct. 7, posted by Maggie's Mom at 10:13 p.m. More information!

Big surprise in the mail today, a fact sheet on Maggie. All of the information indicates Maggie was doing fine as of June.
Saturday, Oct. 9, posted by Maggie's Dad at 8:44 p.m. Maggie's dad pipes in on the blog

This blog deal is a new concept for me - sharing thoughts and news for all to see.

My main task now is dealing with two women on the edge - Julie, who is the hormonal equivalent of an eight-month pregnant woman with an umbilical cord stretching to the Far East, and Carly, who thinks she's ready to be a big sister, but I suspect will be just as hormonal when "Maggie reality" settles in.
Sunday, Oct. 10, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:45 p.m. Let the scheming begin!

We need information and we need it now. However, given our experience in the process, and our impatient American need-to-know nature, we are scheming on ways to get information.

We can't give details on our schemes. However, we will update the blog if either scheme yields success.
Monday, Oct. 11, posted by Maggie's Mom at 8:23 p.m. My scheme failed and the answer to the most frequently asked question

Well, my scheme to get information failed.

Tonight I want to write about the reason girls are abandoned in China. I am not sure I can really do the topic justice, because it is so complicated. This problem isn't as simple as the cultural preference for boys.

Consider that the people in rural China are allowed only one child. That child will have to work the fields with the ox in order to care for the parents when they grow old. If they have a girl, that family may perish.

If a family has more than one child and is caught, the consequences vary from province to province. In some provinces, families are fined and ... in other provinces, the family will lose their land or jobs, receive a fine and risk their extended family getting fined also. Now consider the issues I haven't touched on such as lack of birth control, lack of health care, illiteracy rates and readily available abortions: The reason girls are abandoned is not simple.
Tuesday, Oct. 19, posted by Maggie's Mom at 9:11 p.m. Successful scheming on Maggie's birthday

Tonight we executed our second scheme: Happy Birthday, Maggie! We called the orphanage to get updated information, check out a few facts and remind the staff it was Maggie's birthday. I am happy to report: Mission accomplished!

It only seems appropriate to write this tonight. We can't sing it to her this year, but we will for many years to come: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Maggie! Your family loves you!
Wednesday, Oct. 27, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:51 p.m. We have a date

Hip Hip Hooray! Not only do we have a date, but we have officially sent in our check to purchase tickets. Instead of blogging last night, I spent my evening coaching Maggie's Dad through shopping airline tickets.
Tuesday, Nov. 2, posted by Maggie's Mom at 8:28 p.m. Election day

Anyone who knows our family knows Election Day is a big day in our household.

I am resolved that my kids will go to the polls and vote with me until I can't physically make them go. I want them to see the process in action and grow up to be voters.

In China, people vote. There is one party on the ticket. Their idea of democracy is a far cry from ours. And the part of that difference which saddens me is how undervalued our process is. We have freedoms the people in China cannot fathom. Yet, when it comes to voting, not every adult even registers, let alone shows up to the polls.

I hope the girls always honor the repression their birth families experience by exercising the honor of voting as citizens in this country. I know I felt the weight of all of those people today at the polls as I held La Ni–a in my arms, looked into her eyes and cast my ballot. Of course, she was busy wondering where the "boat" was I had promised. Someday she will understand the difference between a boat and a vote.
Saturday, Nov. 6, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:46 p.m. Packing: Do you really need duct tape?

I am not a pack rat. I figure, there are stores; if I forget something really critical, I can go get it. However, traveling to China to adopt a child is different.

This leaves me with the issue of duct tape: To pack or not to pack duct tape? On the con side: Oh for crying out loud, why would a sane person take duct tape 10,000 miles? On the pro side: A ripped-out mesh crib that could be repaired with duct tape or perhaps hinges on a crib that could be covered to prevent pinches with duct tape. Both of these situations happened on the last trip. So now I am torn.

Hmmmm ... any opinions out there? Feel free to chime in.
Thursday, Nov. 11, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7 p.m. Just about to leave

I am sitting down for a few quiet minutes to capture my thoughts prior to leaving. This travel day is bittersweet for me. I am sad to be leaving La Ni–a, I will miss her so much. I know Auntie and Tio (Sandi and Matt McDonell) will take great care of her and at the same time, I can't imagine not seeing her little face for two weeks. On the other hand, I am very excited finally meet Maggie. Two months is a long time to look at four little pictures.
Undated, posted by Maggie's Dad at 1:25 a.m. We made it!

We are in China. We are 16 hours ahead of West Coast time. At about 8 p.m., Sunday, Nov. 14, Pacific Standard Time, Maggie will be in our arms.
Undated, posted by Maggie's Mom at 4:57 a.m. The story: Maggie meets her Mom and Dad

Whew! What a day. Margaret Michael YuZhen Nostrand is safely sleeping next to me while I type.

We left the lovely China Hotel at about 2:30 p.m. and headed for the Civil Affairs Office. There were 25 families crammed into a room the size of an average bedroom. Most of us were crying long before we got to the room so I don't think many people noticed the chaotic conditions.

Our names were called about halfway through the group. When Maggie entered the room, it was magic. The orphanage had her dressed in the outfit I sent over. It made me cry to see that outfit on her and this time the outfit I sent fit. She fell asleep before the rest of her "sisters" united with their new families. All was well, Maggie resting comfortably in my arms while I sat in a quiet corner. I heard someone on the China Team call my name and jumped up. Then, oh my, hell hath no fury like Ms. Maggie awoke suddenly from restful slumber.

It is safe to say, she wailed on and off for the next three hours. The only thing that calmed her was listening to Cantonese.
Monday, Nov. 15, posted by Auntie at 7 p.m. La Ni–a said, "When Maggie gets home..."

Auntie and Tio were playing with La Ni–a after dinner running around tickling each other, screaming, laughing and general 2-year-old mayhem. Out of the blue La Ni–a mimics Auntie chasing her and says "When Maggie gets home I'm gonna do this." We think she's ready....
Tuesday, Nov. 16, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:02 a.m. Day two

It is official as of about noon China time, Maggie is ours.

As for Maggie, well, no one consulted her regarding the new arrangements and she is just bitter. From her point of view, these Chinese officials have handed her to total amateurs who don't know how to make her bottle, the temperature she likes that bottle or the position in which she likes to receive said inferior bottle.
Wednesday, Nov. 17, posted by Maggie's Mom at 10:30 a.m. Day three: The drama continues

Maggie isn't the only baby in our group struggling with the transition into their new families. Their symptoms are incredibly consistent: refusing most food and water, clinging to Mom, extremely upset if not being walked around, periods of crying inconsolably.

The good news is a small group of us are flying to the orphanage tomorrow.
Undated, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:31 a.m. Our visit to Suixi

What a wonderful day we had visiting Suixi.

I would like to give some glowing description of the building that Maggie spent the first year of her life in, but I just can't. The building was a non-descript six-story building with barred windows and a stark gate. When we walked in there was a huge bulletin board with lots of pictures that had obviously been sent by parents of girls previously adopted. I know some Suixi families are reading this and you will be glad to know, the orphanage really loves all of the pictures and hangs them up in a large display.

Since my biggest concern was exactly how to make the bottle my daughter finally drank, I asked if they could demonstrate for me. It turns out the formula and the rice cereal we received when we met Maggie was not the formula and rice cereal used in the orphanage. Also, they forgot to mention sugar was added to the broth. No wonder my child wasn't eating!
Undated, posted by Auntie at 8:15 a.m. Update from the home front

Yesterday and today, Carly asked to speak to Maggie on the phone. It is really sweet to hear her put the phone to her ear and say, "Hi Maggie, I'm your sister, Carly!" She also tells Maggie she loves her and will see her soon.

Every day she receives a gift from Mom and Dad and is getting more and more insistent on them. Before we do anything else when we get home after school we have to open the gift and take another rung off her paper chain. The paper chain has a rung for every day Mom and Dad are away and when the rungs are gone, they come home.

Hasta luego!!
Friday, Nov. 19, from Mom but posted by Auntie at 9:07 p.m. Maggie emerges

Oh joy! What a wonderful day it has been. Our beautiful daughter Maggie has emerged, and she is a delight!

In case you haven't heard, we can't see our blog. Blogspot is a censored Web site in China. We have also been blocked from posting directly to the blog, so dear Auntie is making all these posts for me.
Thursday, Nov. 25, posted by Maggie's Mom at 7:52 a.m. The last post from China

Maggie is doing fine with Daddy when Mommy is not an option. However, if Mommy is around, Daddy is still out of luck. Believe me, "Project Daddy Love" will kick off as soon as we get home.
Friday, Nov. 26, posted by Auntie at 1:42 p.m. Baby Maggie, Mom and Dad arriving today

La Ni–a has opened her last gift and undone the last rung on her paper chain.
Saturday, Nov. 27, posted by Maggie's Mom at 4:13 a.m. We made it!

Two plane flights and 16 hours later, I am happy to report we arrived safely home a few hours ago.

The most wonderful sight in the world was La Ni–a screaming "Daddy" and running to greet us. It took her a few minutes to realize that the stroller I was pushing contained her sister. When I introduced them, La Ni–a put her chin on the stroller tray and spent a few moments just looking at her sister. It was so cool. Then she said, "Hi Maggie" in a very gentle, soft voice. It was the sweetest greeting a sister could give her new sister.
Thursday, Dec. 2, posted by Maggie's Mom at 3:15 p.m. Back almost a week!

It seems just yesterday we were handed a terrified little girl. Today, not even three weeks later, she is a different kid. Here is a brief update on the entire family:

Maggie: Maggie continues to blossom before our eyes. She is a very happy kid, who loves her new home. She enjoys running around with her big sister, rummaging through cabinets and playing with toys. Gone are all her eating issues.

La Ni–a: La Ni–a is fast becoming a great big sister. Yes, there have been some adjustment issues, but she enjoys Maggie and even asked to take Maggie to school to meet her teachers. She has taught Maggie to squeal with delight while playing chase. What a joyful sound they make together.

Maggie's Dad: Project Daddy Love is proving very successful. Daddy is now able to hold Maggie and even feed Maggie when Mom can't. Maggie now seeks out Daddy for playtime and we both think we have heard her call him by name.

Maggie's Mom: Now that Maggie's Dad is allowed to help, things are much better for me, too. I am quickly adjusting to life with two kids and really enjoying both my girls. I haven't read a book recently, but I am remembering to brush my teeth, which didn't happen when we came home with La Ni–a.

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