March 05, 2004

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Classifieds

Publication Date: Friday, March 05, 2004

Sticks and stones

A 12-year-old Connecticut boy hanged himself in his closet with a necktie last fall after enduring months of bullying abuse at school.

Last month, two Elk Grove high school students were arrested for plotting an assault at their school that officials likened to the 1999 Columbine attack. Classmates said the pair had been a target of bullies at school.

While these cases are extreme, the common factor in both instances was that the children involved were victims of bullies. Once generally accepted as a rite of passage in childhood, bullying is being recognized as a serious issue. For some individuals, it has lasting negative effects.

"I remember getting glasses in second grade and being called 'four eyes,'" said Colleen Henry, principal at Lydiksen Elementary School. "The impact of hurtful things doesn't go away."

Bullying, as defined by the National Education Association (NEA), is "systematically and chronically inflicting physical hurt and/or psychological distress on one or more students."

For Jennifer Campbell, a counselor at Harvest Park Middle School, the definition comes from the victim.

"If the person is hurting, it's bullying," she said.

Educators recognize that mean-spirited teasing is not OK. "Words can hurt, more than a physical punch in the guts," Henry said. "Physical wounds can mend, but crushes to the heart can carry on for a lifetime."

Bullying can be physical, but according to a 1997 report by Education Week, the abuse tends to be verbal. The organization reported other common characteristics among the up-to-15 percent of children who said they were bullied on a regular basis.

Most bullying takes place at school when there is little or no adult supervision, such as on the playground or in hallways and cafeterias. The behavior often begins in the elementary school years, peaks in middle school and declines in high school.

The bully and victim tend to be the same gender. Generally more boys are both the victim and aggressor, but girls do bully, too, often through manipulating friendships, snubbing victims or spreading hateful gossip.

Physical appearance sometimes can be a factor. Bullied boys are submissive or physically weaker than their harassers, and early maturing girls are often targeted.

Bullying behavior is not limited by cultural boundaries. There are few differences in bullying among racial or ethnic groups, says the U.S. Department of Justice in its 1999 school crime statistics.

Both the victim and harasser are affected by the behavior. The victim may fear attending school or be afraid of using a school restroom, says the NEA.

For the bully, the behavior can escalate into serious crimes. The NEA cited that boys identified as bullies in sixth to ninth grades "had one criminal conviction by the age 24, and 40 percent of those identified had three or more arrests by age 30."

Bullying behavior may be a call for help.

"Some bullies are insecure, or angry about something in life," Henry said. Sometimes things are happening in their home life that cause children to react negatively. Maybe someone in their family, like an older sibling, is picking on them. They may be mimicking adult behavior.

"Bullying does occur," Henry said. For children, adult behavior is paramount. "They see road rage and rude people in the grocery store."

Compounding the problem, identifying bullies can be difficult because the victims will not talk.

"Kids would rather bite the bullet, they don't want retaliation," Henry said. The victims may be embarrassed or lack self-esteem. "And they don't want to tattle on someone."

"We can't help if we don't know about it," Henry said. She wants children to understand that "You're not tattling on someone. If they're not picking on you, they're picking on someone else."
Battling bully behaviors

In spite of the victims' silence, schools are trying to ferret out the problem, and often the solution is at home.

"An adult role model is the No. 1 deterrent," Henry said. She noted that with children, everything can be a "teachable moment." Where teaching at home leaves off, the schools' programs pick up.

"We try to look for the root of it and try to teach coping skills," Henry said. The skills taught apply to not only the aggressors, but also the victims.

"Every (Pleasanton public) school has a program," said Rich Puppione, Pleasanton Unified School District senior director for Pupil Services. "Every school and every department - there are bullies with adults, too - has a character education plan. We have six expected behaviors and respect is one of those. We combat bullying with respect."

All of the programs focus on expected behavior, Puppione said. At Amador Valley High School, the school emphasizes the "Amador way," he explained, noting that it is "not the Amador way to pick on people."

Each school has its own anti-bullying program. Harvest Park has embraced what they call a "shark-free zone."

"The idea is that bullying has the mentality of sharks in a feeding frenzy," explained Counselor Campbell. One takes a bite, and then another takes a bite, and soon everyone is biting the victim, she said. The campus is a safe area where there are no "sharks."

The program has caught on among the students.

"I thought it was a great idea," said Allie Zachariades, 13, an eighth-grader at Harvest Park. She was first exposed to the program when she was in the sixth grade.

At the school, she, as well as other students, will tell each other, "You're being a shark," she said. The catch phrase is a gentle reminder that people are overstepping boundaries.

The program has helped Harvest Park students speak up about bullying.

"I see a difference," Zachariades said. She explained that often students do not talk about their feelings, but the program gives them a way to talk to each other and to adults without fear of retaliation.

"Students see they can trust a counselor. They won't make it worse," Campbell said.

"(The program) is not just for bullies. It's for the entire school to get them to be friendly and show mutual respect," said Zachariades.

At Lydiksen, the program is called Second Step. The program teaches empathy, anger management and impulse control, Henry said.

"A big factor is teaching 'I' messages," she explained. "It's taking responsibility for expressing how you feel."

Like similar programs used throughout PUSD, Second Step teaches children to be their personal best, as well as teaching responsibility and respect, Henry said. "All of the character traits you look for in a person," she added.

At school, each teacher will set up individual class rules, Henry said, that fall into place with the school and the district's policy. "We talk to fourth- and fifth-graders about harassment and bullying," Henry said.

Like Lydiksen, Harvest Park focuses on empowering children with the language to address bullying, teaching children not to passively accept the abuse.

"They start off the year with an assembly and skit," Campbell explained. Counselors follow up by visiting each class to explain the concept, which includes not being a victim.

"They encourage students to be assertive," she said. If someone takes their chair, rather than quietly finding another chair, they should speak up. The program teaches students to be assertive, but not aggressive and not passive.

"There's a difference between taking care of yourself and tattling on someone," she said.
Helping hand

When bullies are identified, the schools usually try to resolve the conflict between the students with the help of counselors. Campbell often brings students together to clear the air. Sometimes students do not realize they are hurting someone's feelings, she said.

And in some cases, the victim is not really being bullied.

"Sometimes kids get hypersensitive because they've been picked on so much. They perceive bullying when it isn't there," she said.

Campbell works with these students to help them through their pain, and "realize that not everyone is out to hurt them." On an average, Campbell said she counsels students about once or twice a week.

When a child appears to be a habitual bully, the schools team up with parents to intercede.

"School counselors, the student study team, parents, teacher and administrators will sit at a table and talk about strengths and concerns. They will develop an action plan and a time line, who takes responsibility for what, and try to help put the child back on track," Henry said. "Sometimes it takes a lot of phone calls and meetings." For success, she noted, the efforts require that the school and the parents "be on the same page."

If they cannot resolve the issue in the counselor's office, there are other recourses. Those cases can be referred to private counselors for help. "We can refer families to programs if needed," Campbell said.

Additionally, the school district has a strict policy addressing bullying behavior. The district prohibits hostile acts including bullying, harassment, intimidation and hazing, Puppione said. PUSD Policy 5150 outlines the subsequent investigation after bullying abuse has been reported to a school official as well as education and prevention, with sanctions leading to school suspension or expulsion.
Reading the signs

Parents may not recognize the signs that their child is a bully or may be bullied. One of the most critical things a parent can do is to know where your child is and who are their friends, Henry said.

"You need to know who your child's peers and friends are. Try to observe children in situations," Henry said. She acknowledged that watching them can be difficult because children act differently when adults are around.

"Know the reputation their friends have; know who the friends are, what they are doing and who they're 'hanging' with," she said. "Be mindful of what's happening. You have to be aware and have to be a role model."

"It's so important for adults to concentrate on character traits of kids," Henry added. "It's something they need their whole life. They have to deal with people, it doesn't matter if you're 7, 17 or 70. Unless you live in a bubble, there will always be people in the world and you have to learn to deal with it."

Bullying facts

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